Best opposites & funny Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“The more popular a person thinks he is in the blogosphere, the thinner his skin and the thicker his hypocrisy. This should be exactly the opposite: the higher you go the thicker the skin and thinner the hypocrisy.”

Thinking Should Persons Funny Higher Skins Opposites Thoughtful Hypocrisy Blogging

Author:Guy Kawasaki

“Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?”

Men Humor Funny Wise Opposites

Author:George Carlin

“Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.”

Men Government Funny Political Politics Capitalism Opposites Witty Finance Communism Cynicism Exploitation Exploits Political Ideology Funny Political

Author:John Kenneth Galbraith

“If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?”

Ifs Humor Government Funny Progress Opposites Witty

Author:Paul Harvey

“If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.”

Ifs Humor Running Funny Opposites Boring Never Change Parades

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!”

Ifs Knows Way Humor Light Wanted Funny Turns Three Break Opposites Mess Brighter Bulbs Light Bulb Three Ways

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'”

Doe Humor Funny Opposites My Favorite Patterns Woods Hey Clothings Camouflage

Author:Demetri Martin

“1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.”

Men Firsts Humor Funny Moving Waiting Sides Men And Women Opposites Valentine Valentine's Day

Author:Kristen Schaal

“What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!”

Humor Funny Opposites

Author:Russell Howard

“Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."”

Funny Comedy Opposites Medicine

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

Inspirational Humor Funny Hope Waiting Silence Talking Listening Expectations Opposites Luck Memorable Coaching Talking And Listening

Author:Fran Lebowitz

“It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.”

Thinking Inspirational Wisdom Funny Simple Wise Stupid Opposites Stupidity Being Wise I Was Stupid Stupid Funny Cool Status Stupid Life

Book:You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson

Source: You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson

“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”

People Thinking Men Humor Funny Comedy Stupid Opposites Breasts

Author:Rita Rudner

“It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.”

People Men Action Funny Literature Strong Principles Equal Opposites Stronger Physics Reactions Supposed To Be Realising Basic Principles Action And Reaction

Book:Wars I have seen

Source: Wars I have seen

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”

Philosophy Humor Funny Opposites Average Judaism Stupid People Expectancy Life Expectancy

Author:George Carlin

“Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.”

“It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.”

People Humor Funny Opposites Claims Proclamation

Book:Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?”

Ifs Mean Doe Facts Humor Government Funny Moving Political Progress Humorous Opposites Congress Moving Forward Comedian Pros And Cons

Author:Nipsey Russell

“If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?”

Ifs Humor Funny Clear Failing Cry Communication Failure Opposites Revolutionary Monk Rebellious

Author:Anton Chekhov

Opposites Quotes

Related topics

Opposites Quotes