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Percent Quotes

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Percent Quotes

“I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.”

People Country States Whole Humor Funny America Sides Comedy Percent Folks Traveled

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“How many seconds are there in a year? If I tell you there are 3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it. On the other hand, who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.”

Ifs Trying Years Hands Funny Remember Science Forget Half Technology Percent Seconds

Author:Tom Duff

“And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.”

Ifs Men Humor Funny Gay Ten Percent Twenties Chosen Chinese Knees Odds Free Time

Author:Bo Burnham

“I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."”

Said Humor Funny Guy Saws Doors News Percent Hundred Good News Exit Underestimated

Author:Demetri Martin

“For students today, only 10 percent of children from working-class families graduate from college by the age of 24 as compared to 58 percent of upper-middle-class and wealthy families.”

Inspirational Children Age Today Funny Class Middle Students College Percent Middle Class Wealthy Graduates Graduation Working Class Upper Middle Class Students Today

Author:Patrick J. Kennedy

“Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.”

People World Funny Society Danger Fool Percent Nine Insane Insanity Ninety Ninety Nine Contagion Insanity And Sanity

Author:Thornton Wilder

“I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.”

“Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.”

Men Humor Funny Fans Percent Chelsea

Book:Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Source: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

“You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what's left.”

Ifs Giving Firsts Enough Funny Games Left Sports Half Percent Give 100 Percent

Author:Yogi Berra

“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.”