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Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government

Book by P. J. O'Rourke · 39 quotes · Government, Ifs, Politics

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Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government Quotes

“The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns a pair of white shoes.”

AmericaWhitePartyEventsRepublicanIntellectualGunRoseShoesPairsConventionsRepublican PartyGuns N RosesWhite Shoes
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“The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.”

ProblemPresidentCuttingTaxesRaisesCongressSpendingEntitlementNational DebtSense Of Entitlement
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“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”

InspirationalGivingHumorGovernmentFunnyPoliticsMoneyLibertyBoysPowerCarKeysHistoricalCorruptionLibertarianCommunismSatireLibertarianismTeenageBureaucracyGoverningWhiskeyFreedom And LibertyFreedom LibertyLimited GovernmentDemocracies HaveWhiskyLimiting GovernmentLibertarian PartyEconomic FreedomLimited FreedomMoney And PowerGreat LibertarianFunny SarcasticFunny PoliticalGovernment BureaucracyLimiting FreedomGiving MoneyGreat PoliticalCorrupt GovernmentGovernment And PoliticsGovernment PoliticsPower GovernmentCorrupt PowerCar KeysPower And CorruptionPower CorruptionMoney In PoliticsKeys To The Kingdom
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“In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.”

CharacterPoliticalDeathPoliticsPresidentFiveFourFailingFailureOfficeShotsCriticismElectionWorriedWhen All Else Fails
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“It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.”

GovernmentEffortLibertyEconomicAmountWasteEconomicsLibertarianPlanningEnormousDelusionLibertarianismSlothGovernment SpendingInefficiencyGovernment Waste
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“During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?”

DoeGovernmentDeathMillionsToo MuchDyingDecidedLawyerFarmersMilkCowsSupermarketsDairyDairy Cows
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“There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone gearing up for World War II. Can we count on Saddam Hussein to come along every year and resolve our defense-policy debates? Given the history of the Middle East, it's possible.”

IfsWorldYearsWarMightGivenHappenedMiddlePolicyDefenseEastDebateBudgetsWar Of The WorldsResolveWorld War IiMiddle EastWorld War ISaddamHusseinAugustKuwaitGearing UpPolicy Debate
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“The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.”

IfsRealProblemGovernmentPayAttentionDangerousStupidHugeCornersBoringCuresPay AttentionSmallestGreedyReal ProblemsIntrusion
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“In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.”

PeopleWorldLongStillsAmericaPoliticalIndividualTermPoorPovertyGreaterModernFiguresPlanetsPercentShotsScientistTwentiesFoundationAverageNineIncomeOfficialsHeritageMore MoneyModern WorldAmerican FamilyLong ShotsPoverty In America
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“Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.”

IfsEnoughTurnsHeavenBandAngelUglyConvincedStoresGatesLiquorUnemployedHanging AroundLootingLiquor StoresPearly Gates
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“Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.”

TryingYearsMadeGovernmentSocialGrowsInterestRichSpecialSecurityPercentProgramVotePopulationSocial SecuritySpecial InterestsGovernment ProgramsGovernment Welfare
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“Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.”

IfsBelieveGovernmentSoundSeriousTypeNewsJournalismDietsBranchesWorthwhileFourthFiber
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“We won't dispassionately investigate or rationally debate which drugs do what damage and whether or how much of that damage is the result of criminalization. We'd rather work ourselves into a screaming fit of puritanism and then go home and take a pill.”

HomeResultsFitDrugLibertarianDebateDamagePillsPuritanism
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“I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example - must have realized a nuclear war would be a hard thing to clean up after.”

WantWarHardUseWould BeFunnyExampleHumorousCleanNuclearRussiaBombsSuspectsSovietHard ThingsNuclear War
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