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Testicles Quotes

Browse 70 quotes about Testicles.

Testicles Quotes

“The Beaver is an amphibious creature: by day it lives hidden in rivers, but at night it roams the land, feeding itself with anything that it can find. Now it understands the reason why hunters come after it with such eagerness and impetuosity, and it puts down its head and with its teeth cuts off its testicles and throws them in their path, as a prudent man who, falling into the hands of robbers, sacrifices all that he is carrying, to save his life, and forfeits his possessions by way of ransom. If however it has already saved its life by self-castration and is again pursued, then it stands up and reveals that it offers no ground for their eager pursuit, and releases the hunters from all further exertions, for they esteem its flesh less. Often however Beavers with testicles intact, after escaping as far away as possible, have drawn in the coveted part, and with great skill and ingenuity tricked their pursuers, pretending that they no longer possessed what they were keeping in concealment.”

Human NatureValueDefenseManHuntingTesticlesTrickCastrationBeaver
Book:Historical Miscellany
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“I must purchase this eunuch from You," she said to Ptah-nem-hotep, Who smiled agreeably. "Are they not delightful?" He asked, and looked at the dark bodies of these five slaves with the same love I had seen my great-grandfather give to a team of matched horses or twin bulls, and indeed, since the slave wore nothing, one could see not only their plump and muscular haunches, but the shiny stump where their testicles had been and this gave them a nice resemblance to geldings.”

HorsesSlavesTesticlesBullEunuchGeldingHaunches
Book:ANCIENT EVENINGS
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“Picking up my spoon, I dip it into the broth, making sure to get pieces of the small, fatty meat. I close my eyes and eat my spoonful, marveling at the rich, savory flavors. It's like beef broth, only heartier, and the meat has this really interesting texture. Before I know it, I've devoured half the bowl. "You like Soup Number Five?" I look up to see Lola Simeona, the old woman from earlier, standing by my table, watching me. "Oh, yes," I say, patting my mouth with a napkin. "It's delicious! What is this meat? It's like nothing I've ever tasted. And I feel more... energetic already, sort of like I can take on anything." Like Prem. She smiles knowingly. "Yes, yes, Soup Number Five is magical." After a pause, during which her smile morphs into what I can only be described as a mischievous grin, she says, "The meat is bull testes." I stare at her for a long moment as her words filter into my brain. I set my spoon down carefully and take a sip of water. "Bull... testes?" I ask in the most neutral way I can. "Yes! It's an aphrodisiac!" She pats my shoulder and walks off to another table. I think I can hear her cackling. I look down into my bowl. I just ate a bunch of chopped-up bull balls. For a moment I wonder, in a very detached way (is this what being in medical shock feels like?), if I'm going to throw up. But then the moment passes, and I realize they're really delicious. And Soup No. 5 works. I can feel the potent mixture wending its way through my system, infusing my blood with confidence and desire. I eat another big spoonful.”

SoupEnergeticFilipinoAphrodisiacTesticlesBullNumber Five
Book:Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love
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“It was Lola Simeona who served their bestseller: Soup No. 5 was a horrifying concoction of bull testes and spices, yet still was the best broth this side of the city, a popular meal for the adventurous and for those who prize umami above all. Occasionally a new customer would stagger out, pale and green all at once, because Lola Simeona was never shy about telling them exactly what they were eating, and in great detail. If it tasted good, she liked to say, then why would knowing this change anything? Lola sold Soup No. 5 regular at nearly all hours, closing at two a.m., only to begin again at nine the next day. Soup No. 5 regular was a picker-upper, a mood brightener. Soup No. 5 regular put people in cheerful temperaments, ready to face the day with optimism- a surprising side effect, given the cantankerous nature of the chef.”

SoupTesticlesRegularUmamiAdventurous SpiritBullNumber FiveEnthusiasm Motivation
Book:Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love
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“Look, I understand that for a lot of people, the US is superior to their country of residence in myriad ways, but I'm Australian. We have it all: the weather, the beautiful cities, the brand of football that involves neither padding yourself up like Santa Claus nor standing in a line in front of goal and covering your testicles.”

PeopleWayLooksCountryBeautifulGoalLinesCitiesFrontsFootballStandingSuperiorsWeatherBrandsSantaAustralianCoveringSanta ClausResidenceTesticlesBeautiful City
Author:Max Barry
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“They tend to be suspicious, bristly, paranoid-type people with huge egos they push around like some elephantiasis victim with his distended testicles in a wheelbarrow terrified no doubt that some skulking ingrate of a clone student will sneak into his very brain and steal his genius work.”

PeopleScienceBrainDoubtStudentsHugeTypeGeniusEgoScientistVictimStealingNo DoubtTerrifiedSuspiciousParanoidSneakTesticlesWheelbarrowsIngrates
Book:Word Virus: The William S. Burroughs Reader
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“We all know what feminists are. They are shrill, overly aggressive, man-hating, ball-busting, selfish, hairy, extremist, deliberately unattractive women with absolutely no sense of humor who see sexism at every turn. They make men's testicles shrivel up to the size of peas, they detest the family and think all children should be deported or drowned.”

ThinkingKnowsMenShouldChildrenHateTurnsBallsSizeFeministSelfishSense Of HumorSexismAggressiveExtremistDetestUnattractivePeasTesticlesBustingMan Hating
Author:Susan J. Douglas
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“I gave my father a heart attack. It was a practical joke. Come on, you push a guy's face in a cake he's got to clean it off. You hit a guy with a water balloon, he's got to dry off. Guy's in the hospital, you get his testicles shaved, he scratches and bleeds for a week... it's funny... you're not supposed to have a heart attack, it kills the joke.”

HeartFacesGuyFatherWaterWeekJokesCleanPracticalsDryHospitalsCakeScratchesBalloonsHeart AttackTesticlesPractical Joke
Author:Christopher Titus
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“I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.”

WantFunnyUsedWishEnjoyPrayerHalfFourAtheismOffersPicksPercentHumorousFortuneRateAtheistWittyFiftySarcasticSuperstitionsLeafsGoatsSqueezingEnjoy YourselfVoodooPrayers Not Being AnsweredTesticlesCloversMake A WishHorseshoesFour Leaf Clover
Author:George Carlin
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“When anesthesia was developed, it was for many decades routinely withheld from women giving birth, since women were "supposed" to suffer. One of the few societies to take a contrary view was the Huichol tribe in Mexico. The Huichol believed that the pain of childbirth should be shared, so the mother would hold on to a string tied to her husband's testicles. With each painful contraction, she would give the string a yank so that the man could share the burden. Surely if such a mechanism were more widespread, injuries in childbirth would garner more attention.”

IfsMenGivingShouldPainMotherSufferingViewsAttentionShareBirthHusbandEmpathyPainfulBurdenDecadesContraryInjuryStringsMechanismMexicoTiedWomens RightsTribesChildbirthGiving BirthContractionsTesticlesAnesthesia
Author:Nicholas D. Kristof
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