“You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. You're a Christian. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away - you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life. That unsaved person or persons in the automobile will suddenly be startled to find the car suddenly somewhere crashes.” PeoplePersonsHumorChristianSoundBornReligiousBehindsCarEternalClothesLeavingCaughtDisappearBelieverDriversRidingCrashEternal LifeAutomobileTrumpetsBorn AgainPhysical Things Author:Jerry Falwell
“I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"” HumorFunnyGirlSoundNumbersFrontsMetsZeroDesksFront Desk Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Some comics get drunk before a show. I don't. When I get drunk, I don't want to stand in front of a bunch of people that I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated and not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand? I want a chair too!” PeopleKnowsWayWantDoeShowsHumorHandsFunnySoundFrontsComfortableSticksBunchDrunkChairsElectric Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.” HumorFunnyLostSoundHellAddictionAnnoyedWalletsCasinosLost MoneyVelcro Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!"” WantChildrenHumorFunnyFacesFatherSoundYeahAngryIdiotFoulFilth Author:Bill Cosby
“It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.” WayHumorFunnySoundOkayFingersPuppetsNouns Author:Demetri Martin
“When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!” MenHumorFunnySoundRoomsHorrorChaosHorribleTeethRepeatsPigsWeeping Author:Lewis Black
“I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.” HumorFunnyCoursesSoundAccents Author:Jimmy Carr
“Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.” ShouldHumorFunnySoundTeenagerHonourBadgesToo Cool Author:Frankie Boyle
“I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.” HumorFunnySoundBehindsUglyFlatsSurroundSofasSurround Sound Author:Frankie Boyle
“'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'” I CanHomeHumorFunnySoundCommonSingingGreenGrassUnusualTomsSyndromesGreen Grass Author:Tommy Cooper
“He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.” DoneHumorFunnyGuySoundThreesome Author:Adam Carolla
“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.” MeanHumorFunnySoundColdBitterMiserableBitternessCynicalBitter Cold Author:Bill Hicks