“It was a great Olympics - Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow - especially when they had to make all of our "We're #1" T-shirts.” SaidFunnyGamesTeamToughChinaFinishedShirtsUsaOlympicsT ShirtMedalLondon Olympics Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney's horse Rafalka did not advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by a smooth-talking socialist horse from Kenya.” FunnyTalkingNewsBeatsToughHorseFinalsSocialistOlympicsSmoothRomneyKenyaLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.” MenHomeHumorFunnyLastsFightingLaughingMonthsJokesToughDiedCompetitionOutsidersMilwaukee Book:The Benchley Roundup Source: The Benchley Roundup
“You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."” LooksFunnyComedyToughGlassesAssKicksPush Ups Author:Jim Gaffigan
“If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."” IfsLooksFunnyGuyComedyDadToughYeahHotelPoolMurderer Author:Jim Gaffigan
“Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.” MenMadeFunnyPoliticsAirAdviceSourceStandardsToughSettingSettingsPollutionStemEmissionsOverboardVegetationAir PollutionAir QualityHydrocarbons Author:Ronald Reagan
“We have a problem. 'Congratulations.' But it's a tough problem. 'Then double congratulations.'” ProblemFunnyWorryToughUpliftingCongratulationsTough Problems Author:W. Clement Stone
“I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.” PeopleKnowsWayGivingMindHeartI CanFunnyInterestPoorSituationToughDeeperManageMy WaySocialistDeeper MeaningTough Situations Author:Lalu Prasad Yadav
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.” RealHumorFunnyHurtToughWindowFingersNeighborhood Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.” RealHumorFunnyGuyCrimeToughWittyNeighborhoodKnives Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” FunnyDifficultBusinessLibertyFutureToughInvestingLibertarianPredictionsYankeesMy FutureNew York YankeesPredictingPredicting The FutureYankees BaseballCreating The Future Author:Yogi Berra
“I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.” KnowsWellsFunnyNightBreakCrazyToughCleanSillyAll NightGarageBrake Author:Groucho Marx
“My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.” SchoolFunnyViolenceToughWittyNewspapersGraduationSectionsObituary Author:Norm Crosby