“You can get tested now for early onset Alzheimer's. Hold on a second, could someone hire a marching band, cause I'm so happy I feel like having a parade. You mean I can find out early if I'm going to die of a super horrible disease that there's no cure for? Well, whoopee!” IfsFeelsWellsMeanI CanDiesCausesBandDiseaseHorribleCuresTestedParadesAlzheimerAlzheimer'sMarching Band Author:Arj Barker
“I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the block egging houses with those big 'ole brown eggs. Like, you didn't have to be a detective to figure it out. 'Oh, I wonder who Tofuttied my mailbox. Is it the same evil genius who filled my bird bath with Rice Dream?” DreamBigsKidsEvilHouseCausesEasyParentWonderFiguresLike YouGeniusBirdFilledStoresBlockBrownGet AwayEggsHalloweenBathsRiceDetectivesPranksHealth FoodMailboxesEvil Genius Author:Arj Barker
“I know that most domesticated animals aren't indigenous to this country. So guess what, cat? You can beat it. Go back to Catalina Island or Catalonia, Spain, or Katmandu, or wherever the hell your hairy ass is from! 'Cause this is America and around here - Katmandon't.” KnowsCountryAmericaCausesAnimalHellBeatsCatAssIslandsSpainIndigenousCataloniaDomesticated Animals Author:Arj Barker
