“It's gotten to the point where I think my friends would rather hang out with their own kids than hang out with me. And I'm like, "Alright, but where's the loyalty, man. I've known you for twenty-five years. How long have you known your baby, like, a month?"” ThinkingMenYearsLongKidsKnownFiveBabyMonthsMy FriendsTwentiesLoyaltyFive YearsHanging OutAlrightTwenty Five Author:Arj Barker
“I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even been born yet.” IfsThinkingWayWellsMeanShowsBornWifeMy WifeWorriedSettlingShow BusinessSettling Down Author:Arj Barker
“I'm thinking of switching banks, and my friend said, 'Well, what's wrong with Citibank?' Well, they can't spell 'city.' I hope their math is better than their English is.” ThinkingWellsSaidCitiesMy FriendsMathSpellsSwitchingCitibank Author:Arj Barker
“I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad - say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back then. There was no medical information against it; they had no idea - it was a paradise. It was a smoker's paradise: 'They're taking my lung out next week. I don't know why. Doctor thinks maybe I'm brushing my teeth too often, but I can't help it because, for some reason, my breath smells like I licked a monkey's ass.” IfsThinkingKnowsI CanIdeasReasonHelpingNextWeekInformationDoctorsBreathsSmellMedicalTeethAssEnjoyedNo IdeaParadiseCigaretteMonkeysLungsNext WeekSmokersBrushing Author:Arj Barker
“From an early age, I was trying to get laughs, but it wasn't a conscious thing. I think I was about six months old when I first realized I needed friends in life and making people laugh worked for me. By nine months, I came out of my shell.” PeopleThinkingTryingFirstsAgeLaughingMonthsNeededSixConsciousNineShellsSix MonthsMaking People LaughNine Months Author:Arj Barker
