“Now, at that moment, I was building trust; I was there for her. I was connecting with her rather than choosing to think only about what I wanted. There are the moments, we've discovered, that build trust.
One such moment is not that important, but if you're always choosing to turn away, then trust erodes in a relationship--very gradually, very slowly.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“We need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“People often silence themselves, or "agree to disagree" without fully exploring the actual nature of the disagreement, for the sake of protecting a relationship and maintaining connection. But when we avoid certain conversations, and never fully learn how the other person feels about all of the issues, we sometimes end up making assumptions that not only perpetuate but deepen misunderstandings, and that can generate resentment.”
Source: Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
“I can always tell about the health of a culture of an organization by how much gossiping is happening”
Source: The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage
“Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”
Source: The Gifts of Imperfection
“Stories require voices to speak them and ears to hear them. (..) Often, the problem isn't with the voices (..), voices are frequently there - singing, screaming, yearning to be heard - but we don't hear them because fear and blame muffle the sounds. (p. 41, 42)”
Source: I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame
“What we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it's the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves, to say yes to something scary.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“I did believe that I could opt out of feeling vulnerable, so when it happened - when the phone rang with unimaginable news; or when I was scared; or when I loved so fiercely that rather than feeling gratitude and joy I could only prepare for loss - I controlled things. I managed situations and micromanaged the people around me. I performed until there was no energy left to feel. I made what was uncertain certain, no matter what the cost. I stayed so busy that the truth of my hurting and my fear could never catch up. I looked brave on the outside and felt scared on the inside.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead [Audiobook, CD, Unabridged] [Daring Greatly] by Brene Brown (Daring Greatly), Karen White
“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback.”
“Vulnerability begets vulnerability; courage is contagious.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Yes, we are totally exposed when we are vulnerable. Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty. And, yes, we're taking a huge emotional risk when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. But there's not equation where taking risks, braving uncertainty, and opening up ourselves to emotional exposure equals weakness.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Here's the crux of the struggle:
I want to experience your vulnerability but I don't want to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.
I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“As I walked up to the stage, I literally whispered aloud, "What's worth doing even if I fail?”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“It's life asking, "Are you all in? Can you value your own vulnerability as much as you value it in others?" Answering yet to these questions is not weakness: It's courage beyond measure. It's daring greatly. And often the result of daring greatly isn't a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of freedom mixed with a little battle fatigue.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“the people who love me, the people I really depend on, were never the critics who were pointing at me while I stumbled. They weren’t in the bleachers at all. They were with me in the arena. Fighting for me and with me. . . . it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands. The people who love me and will be there regardless of the outcome are within arm’s reach.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Heartbreak is an altogether different thing. Disappointment doesn't grow into heartbreak, nor does failure...It comes form the loss of love or the perceived loss of love...Heartbreak is what happens when love is lost.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Our silence about grief serves no one. We can't heal if we can't grieve; we can't forgive if we can't grieve. We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Most of the time we approach life with an armored front for two reasons: 1) We're not comfortable with emotions and equate vulnerability with weakness, and/or 2) Our experiences of trauma have taught us that vulnerability is actually dangerous. Violence and oppression have made our soft front a liability, and we struggle to find a place emotionally and physically safe enough to be vulnerable.”
Source: Braving the Wilderness
“The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is…we are the others. Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people”–the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our kids play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don’t want living next door.”
Source: I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"
“[...] we need to cultivate the courage to be uncomfortable and to teach the people around us how to accept discomfort as a part of growth.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“This doesn't mean that we stop helping people set goals or that we stop expecting people to grow and change. It means that we stop respecting and evaluating people based on what we think they should accomplish, and start respecting them for who they are and holding them accountable for what they're actually doing. It means that we stop loving people for who they could be and start loving them for who they are. It means that sometimes when we're beating ourselves up, we need to stop and say to that harassing voice inside, "Man, I'm doing the very best I can right now.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“When learning and work are dehumanized--when you no longer see us and no longer encourage our daring, or when you only see what we produce or how we perform--we disengage and turn away from the very things that the world needs from us: our talent, our ideas, and our passion.
What we ask is that you engage with us, show up beside us, and learn from us.
Feedback is a function of respect; when you don't have honest conversations with us about our strengths and our opportunities for growth, we question our contributions and your commitment.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“We experience social pain and physical pain in the same part of our brains.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“In the midst of uncertainty and fear, leaders have an ethical responsibility to hold their people in discomfort—to acknowledge the tumult but not fan it, to share information and not inflate or fake it.”
Source: Dare to Lead
“Joy is probably the most vulnerable emotion we experience in our lives.”
Source: Braving the Wilderness
“I'm someone who chronically and compulsively rehearses tragedy, assuming that I when will be prepared when it comes. Or that it might never come because I'm ready for it. After all, I did my part:I sacrificed joy in the moment of feeling it to forestall future pain.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Believe me, comparison sucks the creativity and joy right out of life.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“It's easier to live disappointed than it is to feel disappointed. It feels more vulnerable to dip in and out of disappointment than to just set up a camp there. You sacrifice joy, but you suffer less pain.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“When we feel joy, it is a place of incredible vulnerability. It's beauty, and fragility, and gratitude, and resilience all wrapped up in one experience.”
“Cruelty is cheap, easy, and chickenshit." That's also a touchstone of my spiritual beliefs.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“There are too many people in the world today who decide to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointment.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“Disappointments may be like paper cuts, but if those cuts are deep enough or if there are enough of them, they can leave us seriously wounded.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“It's only in the last few years that I've learned that playing down the exciting stuff doesn't' take the pain away when it doesn't happen. It also creates a lot of isolation. Once you've diminished the importance of something, your friends are not likely to call and say, "I'm sorry that didn't work out. I know you were excited about it."
Now when someone asks me about the potential opportunity that I'm excited about, I'm more likely to practice courage and say, "I'm so excited about the possibility. I'm trying to stay realistic, but I really hope it happens." When things haven't panned out, it's been comforting to be able to call a supportive friend and say, "Remember that event I told you about? It's not going to happen, and I'm so bummed.”
Source: The Gifts of Imperfection
“I also see courage in myself when I'm willing to risk being vulnerable and disappointed. For many years, if I really wanted something to happen-an invitation to speak at a special conference, a promotion, a radio interview-I pretended that it didn't matter that much. If a friend or colleague would ask, "Are you excited about that television interview?" I'd shrug it off and say, "I'm not sure. It's not that big of a deal." Of course, in reality, I was praying that it would happen.
It's only in the last few years that I've learned that playing down the exciting stuff doesn't' take the pain away when it doesn't happen. It also creates a lot of isolation. Once you've diminished the importance of something, your friends are not likely to call and say, "I'm sorry that didn't work out. I know you were excited about it."
Now when someone asks me about the potential opportunity that I'm excited about, I'm more likely to practice courage and say, "I'm so excited about the possibility. I'm trying to stay realistic, but I really hope it happens." When things haven't panned out, it's been comforting to be able to call a supportive friend and say, "Remember that event I told you about? It's not going to happen, and I'm so bummed.”
Source: The Gifts of Imperfection
“No one reaches out to you for compassion or empathy so you can teach them how to behave better. They reach out to us because they believe in our capacity to know our darkness well enough to sit in the dark with them.”
Source: The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage
“Dr. Kristin Neff is a researcher and professor at the University of Texas at Austin. She runs the Self-Compassion Research Lab, where she studies how we develop and practice self-compassion. According to Neff, self-compassion has three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Here are abbreviated definitions for each of these: Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience—something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone. Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness requires that we not “over-identify” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity.”
Source: The Gifts of Imperfection
“We can't connect with someone unless we're clear about where we end and they begin.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Like courage, empathy and compassion are critical components of shame resilience. Practicing compassion allows us to hear shame. Empathy, the most powerful tool of compassion, is an emotional skill that allows us to respond to others in a meaningful, caring way. Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes - to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding.”
Source: I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power
“Rather than judgment (which exacerbates shame), empathy conveys a simple acknowledgment, "You're not alone.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those you are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help. The danger of tying your self-worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help. Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Talk to ourselves in the same way we'd talk to someone we'd love. Yes, you made a mistake. You're human. You don't have to do it like anyone else does. Fixing it and making amends will help. Self-loathing will not. Reach out to someone we trust--a person who has earned the right to hear our story and who has the capacity to respond with empathy.”
Source: Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
“Trying to outrun and outsmart vulnerability and pain is choosing a life defined by suffering and exhaustion.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“Current neuroscience research shows that the pain and feelings of disconnection are often as real as physical pain. And just as healing physical pain requires describing it, talking about it, and sometimes getting professional help, we need to do the same thing with emotional pain.”
Source: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
“Искренняя жизнь предполагает развитие чувства собственного достоинства, воспитание в себе смелости и сострадания, а также установление связей с окружающими. Такая жизнь позволяет просыпаться по утрам с мыслью: «Не важно, что сделано и как много еще осталось сделать: независимо от этого я — достойный человек»; или ложиться вечером в постель и думать: «Да, пусть я несовершенна и уязвима, и иногда мне бывает страшно, но это никак не умаляет той истины, что я — смелый человек, достойный любви и отношений».”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“То, что мы знаем, — важно, но то, кто мы есть, — еще важнее.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“Слабость часто порождается отсутствием уязвимости — когда мы не признаём свои слабые места, мы гораздо больше рискуем получить травму.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“One of the greatest barriers to empathy is the fear of saying the wrong thing or the need to make everything better. Let me go on record as saying (putting you at ease a little bit, hopefully) that when someone has experienced something very traumatic - a significant loss - there’s nothing you can say to make it better. All you can do is to be with people in that space. So if all you can come up with is, ‘I don’t know what to say. I just know that I want to be with you in this. I don’t know how to make it better. I just know that I’m dying inside to make it better. I want to help.’ What we all need when we’re in struggle is the ability for other people to look us in the eye, to be with us, to embrace us, and to be willing to be with us.”
Source: Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough
“After spending a decade studying belonging, authenticity, and shame, I can say for certain that we are hardwired for connection--emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I'm not suggesting that we engage in a deep, meaningful relationship with the man who works at the cleaners or the woman who works at the drive-through, but I am suggesting that we stop dehumanizing people and start looking them in the eye when we speak to them. If we don't have the energy or time to do that, we should stay at home.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
“When we treat people as objects, we dehumanize them. We do something really terrible to their souls and to our own. Martin Buber, an Austrian-born philosopher, wrote about the differences between an I-it relationship and an I-you relationship. An I-it relationship is basically what we create when we are in transactions with people whom we treat like objects--people who are simply there to serve us or complete a task. I-you relationships are characterized by human connection and empathy.”
Source: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead