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Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach Biography

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“Recovering from the trauma inflicted by our narcissistic mother (or father/spouse/partner) takes time and effort. For some, it can take decades to understand, process, and unpack it. Healing isn’t a marathon. Rather, it’s a daily journey. We gain more insight. We educate ourselves. We process our painful abuse. We know that we are worthy of being loved, respected, and cared for.”

Self LoveSelf WorthSelf RespectNarcissistic AbusePsychological AbuseTrauma RecoveryNarcissistic ParentNarcissistic Spouse
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“The trauma recovery with a narcissistic mother (or father) is not an easy one. There may be bumps in the road. You may have grown up feeling rejected, ostracized, or condemned. You may have moments when your inner critic screamed awful words to you. Essentially, healing means you must release codependent relationships with toxic folks. It starts by identifying and understanding the shameful messages and beliefs that were transferred from the perpetrators to you, which are false. In effort to heal your mother wound (or father wound), it requires you to replace the negative, internalized messages to be transformed into positive self-talk that is kind, loving, nurturing, and respectful.”

RejectionSelf RespectChild AbuseNarcissistic AbuseTrauma RecoveryNarcissistic MotherOstracizedFamily ScapegoatsInner Critique
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“An educational strategy to help you maintain your clear boundaries is the JADE technique. JADE is an acronym and it stands for: J = Justify: Don’t try to justify yourself to toxic people. It’s unproductive. A = Argue: Do not waste your energy arguing with toxic people. D = Defend: Don’t waste your breath trying to defend yourself to those who don’t care. E = Explain: Never explain yourself, especially to those who discredit you. The goal of the JADE technique is to take back your power. To stand up for yourself without needing to defend or explain yourself. It’s essential to not engage in this ridiculous mind-game with abusive people.”

EmpowermentTraumaBoundariesSelf CareNarcissistToxic PeopleAbuse RecoveryVerbal AbuseJade Technique
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“One day, we wake up to the narcissist’s cunning masquerade. We watch their fake mask slip off their face. Everything becomes crystal clear. We see right through their phony disguise. To anyone who’s dealt with the pain and torment of a narcissist, a silver lining is a sign of hope. Hope that someday you can break free from the abuse. Hope to rebuild a better life. Hope to find comfort and peace within. Hope to recover from your trauma. Hope to embrace a brighter future. We can no longer unsee their hideous charade. We accept how lethal a malignant narcissist is. We actively set healthy boundaries. We walk away from hurtful relationships. Like the Phoenix, we rise above the fiery ashes. We stand up, dust ourselves off, and march forward.”

EmpowermentBoundariesClarityToxic RelationshipsNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyTrauma RecoverySilver LiningFamily Abuse
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“Gaslighting causes us to doubt our own memories, perceptions, and judgments. It throws us psychologically off balance. It’s like being in the Twilight Zone. If you feel as though your self-esteem, confidence, and dignity has withered under the flame of gaslighting, you are not alone.”

Self EsteemPerceptionTraumaNarcissistDysfunctional FamilyManipulativeGaslightingPsychological AbuseTwilight Zone
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“After the fog lifts and you awaken to the truth about abuse, the narcissist and flying monkeys will minimize the facts about what took place. They will discredit you. They will undermine your own perception. They will accuse you of being insane. Even if you took the time to explain yourself, they will cast all blame onto you.”

TraumaManipulationNarcissistDiscreditGaslightingPsychological AbuseFalse AccusationsFlying MonkeysBlame ShiftingPathological Liars
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“Trauma wounds are invisible. We cannot see visible bruises, cuts, or scars. Yet, if we don’t tend to them, we can carry them throughout our lives. We may relive our trauma over and over, again.”

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“Just because your mother gave birth to you doesn’t mean they are capable of caring for you. Just because a woman had a child doesn’t necessarily equate to being safe, respectful, or healthy. NOT ALL MOTHERS CAN LOVE.”

Child AbuseHealing JourneyChild NeglectNarcissistic MothersAbusive MothersNarcissistic Abuse RecoveryMyths About MothersUnfit Mothers
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“Sibling abuse is underreported and it goes under the radar. The concern with sibling rivalry is when it turns into sibling abuse. The core root of sibling abuse is the intent to harm and control the other sibling.”

ManipulationBullyingPtsdSexual AssaultDysfunctional FamilyPsychological AbuseSibling RivalryTrauma RecoverySibling AbuseToxic Siblings
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“The family bully takes sibling rivalry to a whole new level; sibling abuse. While it’s common for families to have sibling rivalry, what stands out the most with the bully is their intent to hurt others badly, especially the family scapegoat. They can physically harm you. They will mentally torture you. In some cases, they will sexually violate you. They have evil motives to control their family members, manipulate them, and gaslight them.”

TraumaNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyManipulativeGaslightingSibling RivalryScapegoatsSibling AbuseFamily Bully
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“Child neglect and abuse is a hidden epidemic. The topic is taboo. Surviving abusive relationships, especially in the family unit, is complicated. Oftentimes, victims of child abuse, sexual assaults, domestic violence, and narcissistic abuse don’t report it. During my extensive research, I discovered that most children don’t disclose their sexual abuse, until late in life. On the website, Child USA, they share about delayed disclosure. “Most child victims of sexual assault disclose, if they disclose at all, during adulthood, with a median age of 48 and an average age of 52.”

TraumaChild AbuseSexual AssaultNarcissistic AbuseDisclosurePsychological AbuseToxic ShameSilenced
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“Our society has a twisted sense of motherhood. They believe that all mothers are kind, tender, gentle, and loving. Unfortunately, not all women who give birth to children are a good parent. Not all women are fit to be mothers.”

TraumaChild AbuseAbusive MotherChild NeglectNarcissistic MotherMyths About MothersUnfit Mothers
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“Healing generational trauma takes courage and strength. It’s common for dysfunctional families to deny their abuse. They silence victims and dump toxic shame onto them. Complicit families keep abuse alive from generation to generation, until one brave survivor boldly ends the cycle of abuse.”

NarcissistSexual AssaultPsychological AbuseHealing TraumaIntergenerational TraumaCptsdToxic ShameFamily Abuse
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“This toxic pattern within the broken family system will continue from one generation to the next, until one brave survivor finally ends the cycle of abuse. The dysfunction, bullying, and abuse didn’t start with you, but it most certainly can end with you.”

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“If something doesn’t feel right or if something feels ‘off,’ learn to trust your internal warning signals. They are alerting you to danger. Some physical signs are a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, anxiety, perspiration, a migraine, nausea, or vertigo. Your body is screaming for you to pay attention. Do not dismiss it or deny your conscious reality. Instead, learn to trust your intuition.”

DangerMindfulnessTraumaIntuitionJudgementTrust YourselfGut InstinctsConscious Reality
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“If we ignore our abuse and trauma, it will continue to reveal itself to us. It may be subtle or it may be intense. Trauma can show up in our sleep. We may battle insomnia and nightmares. We can experience physical pain and emotional distress. We may struggle with anxiety and depression. Or we may suffer hypervigilance, dissociation, and Complex PTSD/PTSD. We may have flashbacks. We may battle triggers. Or we can suddenly be slammed with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. Each of these signs are a normal trauma response. Even if we are unaware that it’s linked to our emotional trauma.”

AbuseTraumaChild AbusePtsdTriggersDissociationNarcissistic AbuseFlashbacksHypervigilanceFight Flight Freeze Fawn
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“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with NPD may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favors or admiration, which they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling. Others may not enjoy being around them.”

BullyingToxic RelationshipsNarcissistic AbuseManipulativeGaslightingPsychological AbuseFake IdentityJekyll And Hyde Persona
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“We cannot outrun our past trauma. We can’t bury it and think that we will be fine. We cannot skip the essential stage of processing, accepting, and doing the hard, yet necessary trauma recovery work. There’s a body-mind connection. Trauma can manifest itself into chronic physical pain, cancer, inflammation, auto-immune conditions, depression, anxiety, PTSD, Complex PTSD, addictions, and ongoing medical conditions.”

TraumaSexual AbuseAbuse SurvivorsNarcissistic AbuseChronic PainPsychological AbuseComplex PtsdFibromyalgiaBody Mind Connection
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“Two words sum up being the daughter of a narcissistic mother: deep sorrow. It was like a massive boulder sat on my chest. Choking me. Suffocating me. Drowning me. Spinning my life out of control. My memories of growing up to become an adult woman who suffered ritual narcissistic abuse had a common thread: Tears. Drama. And compounded trauma.”

TraumaManipulationChild AbuseNarcissistic AbuseGaslightingTrauma RecoveryCptsdNarcissistic Mother
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“The narcissistic mother is a lethal force to reckon with. If you don’t give her the flattery she craves, she will lash out at you like a rattlesnake. Unraveling, she has an emotional meltdown. She flies into a frenzy, shouting at you, bullying you, gaslighting you, and manipulating you. If she’s anything like my mother, she will victim-blame you with F-bombs flying!”

TraumaManipulationBullyingNarcissistic AbuseGaslightingPsychological AbuseNarcissistic Mother
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“The malignant narcissist has a split persona. They are like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute, they are sweet as sugar. The next minute, they fly into an uncontrollable seething rage! The narcissist loves playing mind games with you. They are clever to conceal who they are. Wherever there’s a narcissist, you can find a false mask plastered upon their face.”

RageNarcissismEgotisticalManipulativeGaslightingSpitefulMind GamesFalse MaskJekyll And Hyde Persona
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“Oftentimes, the scapegoat feels worthless and powerless. After being beaten down, year after year, we have a strong sense of false guilt. Unconsciously, we take the narcissist’s guilt as if it were our own. As if it were our fault. As if we are deserving of mental torture and physical abuse.”

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“The biggest hurdle most scapegoats face is the fear of doing something wrong by going grey rock, no contact, or upsetting the narcissist if you distance yourself. You walk on eggshells. You don’t feel safe. You don’t know from one minute to the next how the narcissist will react to you. At any moment, they can explode!”

RageBullyingHostilityNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyScapegoatsSibling AbuseNo ContactGrey Rock
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“If you were raised as child by a narcissistic mom, you may have spent a lifetime being mistreated and shamed for things that you never did. Toxic shame is a result of being told you are not enough. You may feel worthless and unlovable.”

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“A family scapegoat is burdened with criticism, toxic shame, and blame for something they have not done. The wrongdoings of others are projected onto them. You were a convenient receptacle for your insecure family members who were incapable or unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions, words, and behaviors.”

CriticismBullyingProjectionNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyPsychological AbuseTrauma RecoveryVictim BlamingToxic ShameFamily Scapegoat
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“False guilt is feeling guilty when one is not actually guilty. Genuine guilt is a result of wrongdoing. It is appropriate to feel guilty if we had done something wrong. However, false guilt is rooted in deception, denial, and dysfunction. It is directly connected to our destructive and codependent relationship with a narcissist.”

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“Selective amnesia by harmful people is blame-shifting. According to FreeDictionary.com, “Blame-shifting is when someone shifts the blame from person to person.” The root of blame-shifting is when an abusive person fails to take responsibility for their cruelty.”

TraumaCrueltyDenialManipulationGaslightingPsychological AbuseBlame ShiftingStonewallingSelectivedysfunctional Family
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“The narcissistic mother cannot give her child unconditional love. She’s not capable of being self-less, devoted, warm, mature, or attentive to you. Instead, everything is about her. Life revolves around meeting her unrealistic, immature needs. She expects your undivided attention. Your admiration. Your praises. Your loyalty to her. She demands you to meet her needs no matter how ridiculous they can be.”

LoyaltyToxic RelationshipsNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyTrauma RecoveryCodependentNarcissistic MothersEmotionally UnavailableEmotional Immaturity
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“One of the challenges adult children of narcissistic mother’s face is the myth that every mother is giving, nurturing, and gracious. Worldwide, this is a false notion and taboo topic. For many adult children, they are scolded by our society who chides, “But it’s your MOTHER!” Despite the fact that we’ve spent a lifetime suffering chronic mental abuse, rejection, criticisms, and scapegoating by our mothers, most people don’t believe us, don’t understand us, nor have they personally experienced narcissistic abuse by their mothers.”

TraumaChild AbuseNarcissistic AbuseMental AbuseCptsdNarcissistic MothersFamily ScapegoatingMyths About Mothers
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“It’s perplexing how family members claim their undying love for us. They can say whatever they choose, but their actions and behaviors don’t match their words. There is an imbalance in the relationships with distinct discrepancies, especially in who overpowers the scapegoat.”

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“When a narcissist and flying monkeys see that you are onto their sly tricks, they will argue with you. This is their final attempt to find a way out of getting caught. No matter how much they scream, cuss, and fight with you, their arguments are to trip you up. They want to provoke you into more conflicts. Remember, they crave narcissistic supply. This is why they are projecting and gaslighting you. They need you to have a negative emotional reaction to them. It feeds the fuel with them. Don’t participate in the drama, denial, and dysfunction.”

DramaTraumaManipulationProjectionNarcissistic AbuseDysfunctional FamilyGaslightingPsychological AbuseFlying MonkeysNarcissistic Supply
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