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Famous Douglas Adams Quotes

“If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar.”

IfsFirstsLooksTwoEndsWholeArmsCoupleStuckFamiliarBeachDirtyRobesWatsonBowieJohn Watson
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five
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“Sherlock Holmes observed that once you have eliminated the impossible then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.”

TruthAnswersImpossibleRemainsHolmesImprobable
Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“... The truth of the matter is, that most English people don't know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity, and gives Americans the impression that the English are just generally clueless about hot stimulants.”

PeopleKnowsGivingMatterKnow HowDrinkHotCoffeeImpressionPityTeaInstantCluelessStimulantsInstant Coffee
Book:The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
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“You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.' Ford was running after him. Very very fast. 'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them!”

LittlesEnoughRunningBitsLittle BitFinishedHungCouncilPenniesHad EnoughBarbariansArthur
Author:Douglas Adams
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“The kakapo is an extremely fat bird. A good-sized adult will weigh about six or seven pounds, and its wings are just about good for waggling a bit if it thinks it's about to trip over something - but flying is out of the question. Sadly, however, it seems that not only has the kakapo forgotten how to fly, but it has forgotten that it has forgotten how to fly. Apparently a seriously worried kakapo will sometimes run up a tree and jump out of it, whereupon it flies like a brick and lands in a graceless heap on the ground.”

IfsThinkingSometimesSeemsRunningBitsTreeLandSixBirdAdultsWingsSevenForgottenFlyingFatsWorriedPoundsBricksSeven Pounds
Author:Douglas Adams
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“The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. How often have you been presented with an apparently rational explanation of something that works in all respects other than one, which is just that it is hopelessly improbable? Your instinct is to say, 'Yes, but he or she simply wouldn't do that.”

KindImpossibleIntegrityInstinctRationalExplanationRespecting OthersImprobable
Book:The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“After a while he played with the pencil and the paper again and was delighted when he discovered how to make a mark with the one on the other. Various noises continued outside, but he didn't know whether they were real or not. He then talked to his table for a week to see how it would react.”

KnowsRealWeekPaperMarkTablesVariousNoisePencilsDelighted
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five
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“Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single fact took the scientific world by storm.”

WorldFactsLawScienceUniverseNumbersPiecesWrittenFoodPaperMathematicsBillsStormMathematicalRestaurantsHitchhikers Guide
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Radio Scripts Volume 2: The Tertiary, Quandary and Quintessential Phases
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“What a wonderfully exciting cough,' said the little man, quite startled by it, 'do you mind if I join you?' And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused.”

IfsMenMindLittlesSaidFitExcitingSurpriseExtraordinaryCaughtConfusedSpectacularChokeArthurLittle ManCoughing
Book:Life, the Universe and Everything
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“The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing devision of the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.”

MenFirstsFunRevolutionWallMarketingGuidesBunchCorporationsDivisionPlasticRobotsGalaxyJerkMindlessPalsEncyclopediaCyberneticsSirius
Book:The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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“The party and the Krikkit warship looked, in their writhings, a little like two ducks, one of which is trying to make a third duck inside the second duck, whilst the second duck is trying very hard to explain that it doesn't feel ready for a third duck right now, is uncertain that it would want any putative third duck anyway, and certainly not whilst it, the second duck, was busy flying.”

WantFeelsTryingLittlesTwoHardPartyReadyRight NowThirdsBusyFlyingDucksUncertainWarships
Book:Life, the Universe and Everything
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“He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his method of “Zen” navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both.”

IfsLostFeltResultsSuccessfulCarMethodSakeDrivingOccasionsSurprisingWorth ItPropensityNavigationGetting Lost
Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“When the girl sitting at the next table looked away from a moment, Dirk leaned over and took her coffee. He knew that he was perfectly safe doing this because she would simply not be able to believe that this had happened.”

BelieveMomentsAbleGirlNextHappenedSafeSittingTablesCoffee
Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“In fact there was only one species on the planet more intelligent than dolphins, and they spent a lot of their time in behavioural research laboratories running around inside wheels and conduction frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. The fact that once again man completely misinterpreted this relationship was entirely according to these creatures’ plans.”

MenFactsRunningPlansPlanetsCreaturesResearchIntelligentSpeciesExperimentsWheelsSubtleElegantLaboratoryDolphinsMisinterpreted
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five
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“Yes. They are the words that finally turned me into the hermit I have now become. It was quite sudden. I saw them, and I knew what I had to do." The sign read: "Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion." "It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.”

NeedsSaidEndsUseNextLostSpaceSawsCivilizationMouthsSticksTeethGentleLengthInstructionSanePackagesBluntGumHermitsInsertToothpicks
Book:The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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