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Famous Douglas Adams Quotes

“My own strategy is to find a car, or the nearest equivalent, which looks as if it knows where it's going and follow it. I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be.”

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Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“If I want to read something that's really giving me something serious and fundamental to think about, about the human condition, if you like, or what we're all doing here, or what's going on, then I'd rather read something by a scientist in the life sciences, like Richard Dawkins, for instance.”

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Book:The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
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“Religion ... has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. What it means is, 'Here is an idea or a notion that you're not allowed to say anything bad about; you're just not. Why not? Because you're just not. If someone votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. ... But on the other hand, if somebody says 'I mustn't move a light switch on a Saturday', you say 'I respect that'.”

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Author:Douglas Adams
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“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

IfsStatesHumorFunnyScienceUniverseEducationHappenedMysteryTheoryDiscoveryDisappearReplacedBizarreGalaxyPsychedelicInexplicableMystery Of LifeHitchhikers Guide To The GalaxyHitchhikers GuideHitchhikingSubtle AtheistFunny ScienceAstronomy And UniverseInfinite UniverseThings Are Not What They Seem
Author:Douglas Adams
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“Well, I mean, yes idealism, yes the dignity of pure research, yes the pursuit of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point I'm afraid where you begin to suspect that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. And if it comes to a choice between spending yet another ten million years finding that out, and on the other hand just taking the money and running, then I for one could do with the exercise.”

IfsYearsWellsMeanHandsRunningFormChoicesUniverseMillionsExercisePureTenFindingsResearchDignitySpendingPursuitBunchSuspectsInfinityIdealismManiacs
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Omnibus: A Trilogy in Four Parts
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“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”

IfsHas BeensSeemsMovingGivenChallengesCircumstancesLuckyCurrentsStuckGiantsFinding YourselfCracksRescueNo HopeLucky YouBouldersHitchhikers Guide
Book:The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts
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“But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting.”

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Book:So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
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“Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.”

PeopleIfsKnowsMindEnoughUniverseBowlsGalaxyHitchhikers Guide To The GalaxyHitchhikers GuideHitchhikingPetunias
Book:The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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“If the Universe came to an end every time there was some uncertainty about what had happened in it, it would never have got beyond the first picosecond. And many of course don't. It's like a human body, you see. A few cuts and bruises here and there don't hurt it. Not even major surgery if it's done properly. Paradoxes are just the scar tissue. Time and space heal themselves up around them and people simply remember a version of events which makes as much sense as they require it to make.”

PeopleIfsFirstsHumansEndsDoneBodyRememberUniverseCoursesHurtSpaceCuttingHappenedEventsMajorsHealVersionsUncertaintyParadoxScarSurgeryTime And SpaceHuman BodyHere And ThereTissuesBruisesScar TissueCuts And Bruises
Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die." His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up. After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.”

IfsFirstsHumansDiesHuman BeingsBrainNiceTheoryMonthsHabitExerciseMouthsAccountsLipsCome UpObviousObservationEncountersTallPeculiarNice Day
Book:The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
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“It's the story of my life. You see, the quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. Now, as you look through this document you'll see that I've underlined all the major decisions I ever made to make the stand out. They're all indexed and cross-referenced. See? All I can suggest is that if you take decisions that are exactly opposite to the sort of decisions that I've taken, then maybe you won't finish up at the end of your life" --she paused, and filled her lungs for a good should--"in a smelly old cave like this!”

IfsShouldLooksMadeI CanEndsStoriesDecisionQualityTakenAdviceOffersMajorsCrossesOppositesFilledJudgedDocumentsStanding OutCavesLungsQuality Of LifeStory Of My LifeSmellyLife Decision
Author:Douglas Adams
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“There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now... What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.”

IfsKnowsYearsMeanHas BeensLightEarthOrderHeavenInterestActingFourMankindLateSorryAffairSakePlanningLocalsPlentyDepartmentToo LateDisplayFormalComplaintsI'm SorryNo PointBotheredBeamAlphasLodgesLight YearsDemolition
Author:Douglas Adams
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“The Heart of Gold fled on silently through the night of space, now on conventional photon drive. Its crew of four were ill as ease knowing that they had been brought together not of their own volition or by simple coincidence, but by some curious perversion of physics- as if relationships between people were susceptible to the same laws that governed the relationships between atoms and molecules”

PeopleIfsHeartTogetherLawNightSimpleSpaceKnowingFourGoldIllPhysicsCuriousEaseAtomsConventionalCoincidenceCrewMoleculesSusceptiblePerversionVolitionPhotonsHeart Of Gold
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five
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“If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar.”

IfsFirstsLooksTwoEndsWholeArmsCoupleStuckFamiliarBeachDirtyRobesWatsonBowieJohn Watson
Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Trilogy of Five
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“The kakapo is an extremely fat bird. A good-sized adult will weigh about six or seven pounds, and its wings are just about good for waggling a bit if it thinks it's about to trip over something - but flying is out of the question. Sadly, however, it seems that not only has the kakapo forgotten how to fly, but it has forgotten that it has forgotten how to fly. Apparently a seriously worried kakapo will sometimes run up a tree and jump out of it, whereupon it flies like a brick and lands in a graceless heap on the ground.”

IfsThinkingSometimesSeemsRunningBitsTreeLandSixBirdAdultsWingsSevenForgottenFlyingFatsWorriedPoundsBricksSeven Pounds
Author:Douglas Adams
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“What a wonderfully exciting cough,' said the little man, quite startled by it, 'do you mind if I join you?' And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused.”

IfsMenMindLittlesSaidFitExcitingSurpriseExtraordinaryCaughtConfusedSpectacularChokeArthurLittle ManCoughing
Book:Life, the Universe and Everything
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“He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his method of “Zen” navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both.”

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Book:Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Box Set: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
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“The invention of the scientific method and science is, I'm sure we'll all agree, the most powerful intellectual idea, the most powerful framework for thinking and investigating and understanding and challenging the world around us that there is, and it rests on the premise that any idea is there to be attacked. If it withstands the attack then it lives to fight another day and if it doesn't withstand the attack then down it goes. Religion doesn't seem to work like that.”

IfsThinkingWorldLifeIdeasSeemsScienceFightingUnderstandingChallengesPowerfulHard WorkIntellectualAgreeMethodInventionMost PowerfulFrameworkPremisesAnother DayScientific MethodInvestigating
Author:Douglas Adams
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