“There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where to go, what to eat, what to do and say. Sometimes the cue is short - - just before we reach the bar - - but sex is never just spontaneous. Spontaneity is a myth.” PeopleThinkingSometimesHomeSexMythBarsSpontaneousSpontaneity Author:Esther Perel
“The power of transgression is the archetypal, foundational story of the Bible. We want to break our own codes - sometimes of morality, sometimes of ethics, sometimes of the power structure, sometimes of the institution of marriage - because there is freedom and power in transgression.” SometimesBreakMoralityEthicsCode Author:Esther Perel
“The meaning of secrecy is very different when the model of love is one of transparency. So to understand the politics of secrecy and revelation, you need to understand the larger culture in which the couple lives and also the culture of the couple itself. What does intimacy mean to them? Where does the couple draw the line between togetherness and separateness? That's what informs you. You always ask, "What would happen if I tell? What would happen if I don't tell?" Sometimes, the partner doesn't want to know.” MeanDifferentSometimesCultureLove IsCoupleIntimacyRevelationsSecrecyTogethernessTransparency Author:Esther Perel
“One of the big misconceptions is that affairs or trysts are flings about sex. And sometimes they are, but much more often they are about desire. And that is very different. The desire to feel special, to feel seen, to feel appreciated, to be laughed at or with. The desire to be desired. That does not manifest in a sexual act per se. Affairs make you feel alive. Alchemy means it's not about the actual sex, but the sexuality, the energy, the aura. It's the imagination and anticipation of it as much or instead of the actual experience of it.” MeanDifferentSometimesDesireEnergyImaginationSpecialAffairSexualityManifestAnticipationAppreciatedAlchemyMisconceptionFling Author:Esther Perel
“I say no to a double standard that men can roam and women must stay put at home. I say no to the fact that men are allowed to claim their sexuality and women just have to pretend that it doesn't matter to them. It's resisting poor relational arrangements. An affair is a way of saying, "No. I'm not playing by the rules." And sometimes betrayal is part of that because you deceive somebody else but you feel like you are, for the first time, being honest with yourself. Sometimes when people have affairs, they feel like they have been lying to themselves for years.” PeopleMenSometimesHomeLyingPoorHonestLike YouFirst TimeAffairBetrayalSexualityBeing HonestDeceivingDouble StandardHonest With YourselfBe Honest With Yourself Author:Esther Perel
“The very ingredients that nurture love - mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other - are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire.” SometimesInspirationDesireMotivationResponsibilityWorryProtectionIngredientsNurtureReciprocity Author:Esther Perel
“Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with; you are not liking the person you have become.” PersonsSometimesLongingElsewhereExistential Author:Esther Perel
