“I don’t buy the idea that there is a one and only. We used to marry till death do us part. Today we marry till love dies. We used to marry and have sex for the first time. Today you marry and you stop having sex with others. You used to have monogamy, one person for life. And today monogamy is one person at a time. And everybody says I’m monogamous in all my relationships. And it supposedly makes sense. So the norms are changing so fast. There is nothing you can do when you leave a person, than to tell them that you are so sorry that you’re hurting them and you have loved them deeply and thank them for everything they’ve given you. And you wish for them the best. And yet you’re going to go and it is just raw pain, you can’t circumvent that. Heartbreak is heartbreak.” LoveLifeSexRelationshipsHeartbreakMonogamy Author:Esther Perel
“Sometimes I learn something about you because you tell me: your history, your family, your life before we met. But just as often my understanding comes from watching you, intuiting, and making associations. You present the facts, I connect the dots, and an image is formed. Your singularities are gradually revealed to me, openly or covertly, intentionally or not. Some places inside of you are easy to reach; others are encrypted and laborious to decode. Over time, I come to know your values, and your fault lines. By witnessing how you move in the world, I come to know how you connect: what excites you, what presses your buttons, and what you’re afraid of. I come to know your dreams and your nightmares. You grow on me. And all this, of course, happens in two directions.” LoveSexMarriageDatingSexualityIntimacy In Marriage Author:Esther Perel
“Most of us get turned on at night by the very things that we'll demonstrate against during the day.” SexSexualityHypocrisy Author:Esther Perel
“There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where to go, what to eat, what to do and say. Sometimes the cue is short - - just before we reach the bar - - but sex is never just spontaneous. Spontaneity is a myth.” PeopleThinkingSometimesHomeSexMythBarsSpontaneousSpontaneity Author:Esther Perel
“In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they're in the mood, their partner should be too.” PeopleIfsThinkingNeedsFeelsShouldSexEffortCommittedPartnersMoodAnticipationSeducing Author:Esther Perel
“You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late, you take the kids to the park, and all that time you're thinking, "Tonight I'll get some." That doesn't work.” ThinkingKnowsMenHappensKidsDesireSexSleepLateParksTonightInvitingSleep Late Author:Esther Perel
“Acceptance doesn't mean predictability. Sex isn't always for 11 at night - - it's also 'meet at a hotel room at noon'. What you feel during dating can exist at home, if you don't suffocate it.” IfsFeelsMeanHomeNightSexRoomsAcceptanceDatingHotelNoonHotel RoomsPredictability Author:Esther Perel
“Sex is about where you can take me, not what you can do to me.” SexCan DoTake Me Author:Esther Perel
“But when we reduce sex to a function, we also invoke the idea of dysfunction. We are no longer talking about the art of sex; rather, we are talking about the mechanics of sex. Science has replaced religion as the authority; and science is a more formidable arbiter. Medicine knows how to scare even those who scoff at religion. Compared with a diagnosis, what's a mere sin? We used to moralize; today we normalize, and performance anxiety is the secular version of our old religious guilt.” KnowsArtIdeasTodayUsedSexReligiousSinTalkingKnow HowAuthorityAnxietyPerformancesFunctionMedicineGuiltMereVersionsScareSecularReplacedMechanicDiagnosisFormidableInvokeDysfunctionArbiterPerformance Anxiety Author:Esther Perel
“Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is man's language of intimacy” MenWantFirstsLanguageSexConnectionsIntimacyWomen Want Author:Esther Perel
