“There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where to go, what to eat, what to do and say. Sometimes the cue is short - - just before we reach the bar - - but sex is never just spontaneous. Spontaneity is a myth.” PeopleThinkingSometimesHomeSexMythBarsSpontaneousSpontaneity Author:Esther Perel
“In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they're in the mood, their partner should be too.” PeopleIfsThinkingNeedsFeelsShouldSexEffortCommittedPartnersMoodAnticipationSeducing Author:Esther Perel
“You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late, you take the kids to the park, and all that time you're thinking, "Tonight I'll get some." That doesn't work.” ThinkingKnowsMenHappensKidsDesireSexSleepLateParksTonightInvitingSleep Late Author:Esther Perel
“To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that the commandment is repeated twice in the Bible - once for doing it and once for thinking about it. We have always created structures and broken structures. It is essential to the human spirit.” ThinkingReasonSpiritBrokenPoint Of ViewPhenomenonInfidelityHuman Spirit Author:Esther Perel
“People grow up learning to be silent about their sexuality, so where are they going to learn to talk about it when they are in a relationship? Shame, guilt, ignorance, reservation, prudishness, all kinds of different cultural systems and social stereotypes shroud sexuality in secrecy and in silence. And there's the romantic notion. "If I say in the beginning, that I am missing something, you are instantly going to think that means you are not enough."” PeopleThinkingKindMeanDifferentEnoughSilenceGrowing UpMissingIgnoranceShameGuiltSilentSexualityAll KindsStereotypeSecrecy Author:Esther Perel
“Our consumer economy peddles the notions "romantic consumerism" of finding "the one," of being the one. It's the narcissistic enhancement of, "I'm the one you stopped your nomadic life for." It's one thing when you have sex for the first time when you marry, but it's another thing altogether when you stop having sex with others when you marry. So the marital commitment becomes, "I must be really special. With me, you no longer think you can find better next door." Romantic consumerism is thinking you can't find better, younger or newer.” ThinkingEconomySpecialCommitmentFirst TimeConsumerismNarcissistic Author:Esther Perel
“I think love is often a bit selfish, even before we had consumerism. That's not new. A consumer society gives you the illusion of having massive amounts of choice and saddles you with the freedom of being able to dabble in that choice. And at the same time, you are left with the tyranny of self-doubt and uncertainty about whether you made the right choice.” ThinkingGivingChoicesLove IsIllusionSelfishTyrannyUncertaintyConsumerism Author:Esther Perel
