“[eroticism is] quality of aliveness, of vibrancy, of vitality, a life force" that's just as relevant to your work life as it is to your love life. Bringing eroticism into all areas of human existence is at the heart of her work. And because virtually everyone lives in a matrix of personal, professional, and transactional relationships, the erotic charge of those relationships is integrally tied to the pursuit of a meaningful life.” PassionRelationshipsSexualityMeaningMeaningful LifeEroticism Author:Esther Perel
“Sometimes I learn something about you because you tell me: your history, your family, your life before we met. But just as often my understanding comes from watching you, intuiting, and making associations. You present the facts, I connect the dots, and an image is formed. Your singularities are gradually revealed to me, openly or covertly, intentionally or not. Some places inside of you are easy to reach; others are encrypted and laborious to decode. Over time, I come to know your values, and your fault lines. By witnessing how you move in the world, I come to know how you connect: what excites you, what presses your buttons, and what you’re afraid of. I come to know your dreams and your nightmares. You grow on me. And all this, of course, happens in two directions.” LoveSexMarriageDatingSexualityIntimacy In Marriage Author:Esther Perel
“Most of us get turned on at night by the very things that we'll demonstrate against during the day.” SexSexualityHypocrisy Author:Esther Perel
“I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and sexuality. The object of my game is to bring nonjudgmental, multicultural understanding to the challenges and choices of modern relationships.” PeopleWantDesireChoicesGamesUnderstandingChallengesModernHonestObjectsConversationSexualityIntimacyEnlightenedEroticProvocativeMulticulturalIntricacy Author:Esther Perel
“Many couples have never had a conversation about sexuality and sexual boundaries. The presence or lack of sex, the quality of it, the satisfaction and dissatisfaction, the unmet needs. An affair upsets the status quo by not only bringing the subject of sexuality to the forefront but every other aspect of their relationship as well. An affair yields conversation that should have happened in the beginning, but that people were afraid to have because, well, what would that mean about their relationship?” PeopleMeanQualityCoupleAffairSexualityBoundariesUpsetStatus QuoDissatisfaction Author:Esther Perel
“People grow up learning to be silent about their sexuality, so where are they going to learn to talk about it when they are in a relationship? Shame, guilt, ignorance, reservation, prudishness, all kinds of different cultural systems and social stereotypes shroud sexuality in secrecy and in silence. And there's the romantic notion. "If I say in the beginning, that I am missing something, you are instantly going to think that means you are not enough."” PeopleThinkingKindMeanDifferentEnoughSilenceGrowing UpMissingIgnoranceShameGuiltSilentSexualityAll KindsStereotypeSecrecy Author:Esther Perel
“Real sexual conversations are enormously intimate and beautiful because they reveal so much about who we are and what we want. What are the emotional needs we bring to our sexuality and how do we connect to ourselves and connect to a partner? There's such a rich tapestry that can be revealed, but the vast majority of couples have never had those talks.” RealBeautifulRichEmotionalCoupleSexualityIntimateTapestry Author:Esther Perel
“One of the big misconceptions is that affairs or trysts are flings about sex. And sometimes they are, but much more often they are about desire. And that is very different. The desire to feel special, to feel seen, to feel appreciated, to be laughed at or with. The desire to be desired. That does not manifest in a sexual act per se. Affairs make you feel alive. Alchemy means it's not about the actual sex, but the sexuality, the energy, the aura. It's the imagination and anticipation of it as much or instead of the actual experience of it.” MeanDifferentSometimesDesireEnergyImaginationSpecialAffairSexualityManifestAnticipationAppreciatedAlchemyMisconceptionFling Author:Esther Perel
“Secrecy fuels erotic intensity because it makes you feel like you're doing something that is entirely yours. It gives you the sense of autonomy, the sense of freedom, and the sense of sovereignty. And then you add to that the sexual energy. In many affairs, people will tell you they slept with the person three or four times, but the story went on for months. That's an important thing because many people who have affairs often have very good sexual relationships at home. It's not necessarily a compensation story. But affairs offer a different sexuality with a different context.” PeopleGivingImportantDifferentHomeEnergyLike YouVery GoodAffairSexualitySovereigntyAutonomySecrecyCompensation Author:Esther Perel
“I say no to a double standard that men can roam and women must stay put at home. I say no to the fact that men are allowed to claim their sexuality and women just have to pretend that it doesn't matter to them. It's resisting poor relational arrangements. An affair is a way of saying, "No. I'm not playing by the rules." And sometimes betrayal is part of that because you deceive somebody else but you feel like you are, for the first time, being honest with yourself. Sometimes when people have affairs, they feel like they have been lying to themselves for years.” PeopleMenSometimesHomeLyingPoorHonestLike YouFirst TimeAffairBetrayalSexualityBeing HonestDeceivingDouble StandardHonest With YourselfBe Honest With Yourself Author:Esther Perel
“For some people, the experience of sexuality is that they are entirely inside their body, but others feel they have totally transcended the physical boundaries of their body. Transcendence is the ability to no longer feel you are contained within the physical world. For many people, the definition of spiritual is a sense of complete abdication of the self. For some people, it's union with another that transcends the borders between where one stops and where the other person starts and creates a sense of infiniteness and timelessness.” PeopleWorldSpiritualAbilitySexualityBoundariesTimelessness Author:Esther Perel
“One of the most amazing abilities of sexuality is to momentarily transcend the borders of Self into something that is no longer defined by physical property and that is utterly unique. It's really what many call a religious experience.” ReligiousAbilityUniquePropertySexualityMost Amazing Author:Esther Perel
“Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction.” ShouldDoeFallAssumingSexualityPartnersJurisdiction Author:Esther Perel
“We are afraid that our adult sexuality will somehow damage our kids, that it’s inappropriate or dangerous. But whom are we protecting? Children who see their primary caregivers at ease expressing their affection (discreetly, within appropriate boundaries) are more likely to embrace sexuality with the healthy combination of respect, responsibility, and curiosity it deserves. By censoring our sexuality, curbing our desires, or renouncing them altogether, we hand our inhibitions intact to the next generation.” ChildrenHandsKidsDesireNextResponsibilityGenerationsDangerousHealthyAdultsDeserveEmbraceCuriosityAffectionSexualityBoundariesPrimariesCombinationEaseDamageAppropriateNext GenerationInappropriateInhibitionsCensoringCaregiversProtecting Children Author:Esther Perel
“Today, our sexuality is an open-ended personal project; it is part of who we are, an identity, and no longer merely something we do.” TodayIdentityProjectsSexualityWho We Are Book:Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Source: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
“At the same time, eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent. It is an ongoing resistance to the message that marriage is serious, more work than play; and that passion is for teenagers and the immature. We must unpack our ambivalence about pleasure, and challenge our pervasive discomfort with sexuality, particularly in the context of family. Complaining of sexual boredom is easy and conventional. Nurturing eroticism in the home is an act of open defience.” PlayHomePassionEasyChallengesPleasureSeriousMessagesActiveSexualityComplainingResistanceTeenagerBoredomEngagementConventionalOngoingDiscomfortNurturingImmatureAmbivalence Author:Esther Perel
