judith-martin Quotes About manners

“It is one of Miss Manners's great discoveries that one needn't contradict others in order to set them straight.”

Order Women Missing Discovery Manners Miss Manners

“The underlying principles of manners- respect, fairness, and congeniality.”

Women Principles Manners Fairness Congeniality

“it's no longer socially acceptable to make bigoted statements and racist remarks. Some people are having an awful time with that: 'I didn't know anybody would be offended!' Well, where have you been? I remember when people got away with it and they don't anymore. That's fabulous.”

People Knows Wells Would Be Remember Statements Awful Manners Racist Bigotry Acceptable Fabulous Offended Remember When Remarks Name Calling

Author:Judith Martin

“Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. Behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high - violations of life, limb, property and so on. Barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community.”

“To sacrifice the principles of manners, which require compassion and respect, and bat people over the head with their ignorance of etiquette rules they cannot be expected to know is both bad manners and poor etiquette. That social climbers and twits have misused etiquette throughout history should not be used as an argument for doing away with it.”

Source: Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility

“The etiquette of intimacy is very different from the etiquette of formality, but manners are not just something to show off to the outside world. If you offend the head waiter, you can always go to another restaurant. If you offend the person you live with, it's very cumbersome to switch to a different family.”

Ifs World Persons Different Shows Family Manners Intimacy Restaurants Etiquette Showing Off Outside World Waiter Formality Family Man Different Families

Author:Judith Martin

“Etiquette enables you to resolve conflict without just trading insults. Without etiquette, the irritations in modern life are so abrasive that you see people turning to the law to regulate everyday behavior. This frightens me; it's a major inroad on our basic freedoms.”

People Law Modern Conflict Behavior Majors Everyday Manners Insult Resolve Trading Modern Life Etiquette Irritation

Author:Judith Martin

“Yes, etiquette is hypocritical. Yes, it does inhibit children - if you're lucky. But the idea that it's elitist and irrelevant is like saying language is elitist and irrelevant.”

Ifs Children Doe Ideas Language Lucky Manners Irrelevant Etiquette Hypocritical Elitist

Author:Judith Martin

“The idea that people can behave naturally, without resorting to an artificial code tacitly agreed upon by their society, is as silly as the idea that they can communicate by a spoken language without commonly accepted semantic and grammatical rules.”

People Ideas Language Communicate Accepted Silly Manners Code Behave Artificial Etiquette Spoken Language

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“The whole country wants civility. Why don't we have it? It doesn't cost anything. No federal funding, no legislation is involved. One answer is the unwillingness to restrain oneself. Everybody wants other people to be polite to them, but they want the freedom of not having to be polite to others.”

People Want Country Whole Freedom Answers Involved Cost Oneself Equality Manners Willingness Legislation Polite Involvement Funding Civility Politeness Civil Society Restraining

Author:Judith Martin

“The challenge of manners is not so much to be nice to someone whose favor and/or person you covet (although more people need to be reminded of that necessity than one would suppose) as to be exposed to the bad manners of others without imitating them.”

People Needs Persons Challenges Nice Favors Manners Exposed Being Nice Imitating Bad Manners

Book:Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium

Source: Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium

“Like language, a code of manners can be used with more or less skill, for laudable or for evil purposes, to express a great variety of ideas and emotions. In itself, it carries no moral value, but ignorance in use of this tool is not a sign of virtue.”

Ideas Use Used Purpose Values Evil Language Emotion Moral Virtue Ignorance Skills Tools Variety Manners Code Carrie Moral Values

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“Shame is the proper reaction when one has purposefully violated the accepted behavior of society. Inflicting it is etiquette's response when its rules are disobeyed. The law has all kinds of nasty ways of retaliating when it is disregarded, but etiquette has only a sense of social shame to deter people from treating others in ways they know are wrong. So naturally Miss Manners wants to maintain the sense of shame. Some forms of discomfort are fully justified, and the person who feels shame ought to be dealing with removing its causes rather than seeking to relieve the symptoms.”

Source: Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility

“I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.”

Different Culture Situation Principles Particular Eternal Universal Manners Distinction Arbitrary Etiquette Different Times Different Cultures

Author:Judith Martin

“Whamming someone smaller than oneself in order to teach that person civilized behavior is not within Miss Manners' concept of propriety, much less logic.”

Persons Order Teach Missing Behavior Concepts Logic Oneself Manners Civilized Propriety Civilized Behavior Miss Manners

Book:Miss Manners' guide to rearing perfect children

Source: Miss Manners' guide to rearing perfect children

“Manners require showing consideration of all human beings, not just the ones to whom one is close.”

Humans Human Beings Manners Consideration

Author:Judith Martin

“Miss Manners does not mind explaining the finer points of gracious living, but she feels that anyone without the sense to pick up a potato chip and stuff it in their face should probably not be running around loose on the streets.”

Feels Should Mind Doe Running Faces Stuff Streets Missing Picks Manners Chips Potatoes Explaining Gracious Potato Chips Miss Manners

Author:Judith Martin

“Charming villains have always had a decided social advantage over well-meaning people who chew with their mouths open.”

People Wells Social Mouths Advantage Decided Manners Villain Charming

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“GENTLE READER: You, sir, are an anarchist, and Miss Manners is frightened to have anything to do with you. It is true that questioning the table manners of others is rude. But to overthrow the accepted conventions of society, on the flimsy grounds that you have found them silly, inefficient and discomforting, is a dangerous step toward destroying civilization.”

Source: Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

“Nobody believes that the man who says, 'Look, lady, you wanted equality,' to explain why he won't give up his seat to a pregnant woman carrying three grocery bags, a briefcase, and a toddler is seized with the symbolism of idealism.”

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude.”

People Persons Subjects Refuse Stranger All Time Manners Rude Telephones Convenience Importunate Miss Manners

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“. . . women were brought up to have only one set of manners. A woman was either a lady or she wasn't, and we all know what the latter meant. Not even momentary lapses were allowed; there is no female equivalent of the boys-will-be-boys concept.”

Knows Boys Concepts Female Manners Latter Momentary Lapses Miss Manners

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.”

Feelings Teaching Food Conversation Tables Cooking Dinner Tolerance Manners Accomplishment Consideration Culinary Polite Dinner Table Table Manners

Book:Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium

Source: Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium

“One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.”

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.”

Should Doe Interest Quality Available Rings Inequality Manners Etiquette Sneakers Rationale Conveying

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.”

Should Believe Country Political Missing Should Have Stranger Manners Love Life Division Miss Manners

Author:Judith Martin

“Miss Manners herself, while never rude, is given to pulling a fast pinch in the way of a handshake on those who believe in kissing on, not even the first date, but the first sighting.”

Way Firsts Believe Given Missing Kissing Manners Pulling Rude First Kiss First Date Handshake Miss Manners

Author:Judith Martin

“People who put slipcovers, doilies, plastic protectors, and cellophane on everything good that they own rarely live to see an occasion so good that all these covers are removed.”

People Occasions Manners Plastic Protector Doilies

Book:Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

Source: Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

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