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Judith Martin

Judith Martin Quotes

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Famous Judith Martin Quotes

“To sacrifice the principles of manners, which require compassion and respect, and bat people over the head with their ignorance of etiquette rules they cannot be expected to know is both bad manners and poor etiquette. That social climbers and twits have misused etiquette throughout history should not be used as an argument for doing away with it.”

PeopleKnowsShouldUsedSocialPoorCompassionPrinciplesSacrificeIgnoranceArgumentExpectedMannersBatsEtiquetteClimbersMisusedBad MannersTwitsCompassion And Respect
Book:Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility
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“The idea that people can behave naturally, without resorting to an artificial code tacitly agreed upon by their society, is as silly as the idea that they can communicate by a spoken language without commonly accepted semantic and grammatical rules.”

PeopleIdeasLanguageCommunicateAcceptedSillyMannersCodeBehaveArtificialEtiquetteSpoken Language
Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson
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“Visiting the sick is supposed to exhibit such great virtue that there are some people determined to do it whether the sick like it or not. ... All visitors everywhere are supposed to make plans to depart if they observe their hosts visibly wilting or in pain, but this is especially true at hospitals.”

PeopleIfsPainVirtuePlansSickIllnessDeterminedHospitalsHostExhibitsVisitingVisitorsWilting
Book:Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility
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“The whole country wants civility. Why don't we have it? It doesn't cost anything. No federal funding, no legislation is involved. One answer is the unwillingness to restrain oneself. Everybody wants other people to be polite to them, but they want the freedom of not having to be polite to others.”

PeopleWantCountryWholeFreedomAnswersInvolvedCostOneselfEqualityMannersWillingnessLegislationPoliteInvolvementFundingCivilityPolitenessCivil SocietyRestraining
Author:Judith Martin
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“Shame is the proper reaction when one has purposefully violated the accepted behavior of society. Inflicting it is etiquette's response when its rules are disobeyed. The law has all kinds of nasty ways of retaliating when it is disregarded, but etiquette has only a sense of social shame to deter people from treating others in ways they know are wrong. So naturally Miss Manners wants to maintain the sense of shame. Some forms of discomfort are fully justified, and the person who feels shame ought to be dealing with removing its causes rather than seeking to relieve the symptoms.”

PeopleKnowsWayWantFeelsKindPersonsFormLawSocialCausesMissingOughtBehaviorShameResponseSeekingAcceptedReactionsAll KindsMannersNastySymptomsJustifiedDiscomfortEtiquetteDisregardedTreating OthersMiss Manners
Book:Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility
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“Screening telephone calls with a receptionist or the humbler answering machine is not a dishonorable thing to do. The warmest people in the world still need uninterrupted time to attend to their lives and should not be outwitted if they have made it obvious that they are not always available upon summons.”

PeopleIfsWorldNeedsShouldMadeStillsMachinesObviousAvailableMade ItThings To DoTelephonesScreeningAnswering MachinesDishonorableReceptionists
Author:Judith Martin
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“It is not rude to turn off your telephone by switching it on to an answering machine, which is cheaper and less disruptive than ripping it out of the wall. Those who are offended because they cannot always get through when they seek, at their own convenience, to barge in on people are suffering from a rude expectation.”

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Book:Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium
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“The pejorative term "political correctness" was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.”

PeoplePoliticalTermPrinciplesClaimsSpiteEtiquettePolitical CorrectnessAdaptedCorrectnessDisapprovalEnlargement
Book:Star-Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette (For a Change)
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“There was no singles problem until singles got so single-minded that they stopped wasting time with anyone ineligible. Before that, it was understood that one of society's main tasks was matchmaking. People with lifelong friendships and ties to local nonprofessional organizations did not have to fear that isolation would accompany retirement, old age, or losing a spouse. Overburdened householders could count on the assistance not only of their own extended families, but of the American tradition of neighborliness.”

PeopleProblemAgeCommunityLosingUnderstoodTraditionTasksOrganizationLocalsOld AgeTiesIsolationRetirementWasting TimeSpouseAssistanceLifelongAccompanySinglesExtended FamilyAmerican Tradition
Author:Judith Martin
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“Nowadays, we never allow ourselves the convenience of being temporarily unavailable, even to strangers. With telephone and beeper, people subject themselves to being instantly accessible to everyone at all times, and it is the person who refuses to be on call, rather than the importunate caller, who is considered rude.”

PeoplePersonsSubjectsRefuseStrangerAll TimeMannersRudeTelephonesConvenienceImportunateMiss Manners
Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson
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“One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.”

PeopleFeelsDifferentReasonFormChoicesDifficultChallengesGenerationsYouthEmotionalTasksFolksSurfaceMannersTiesCustomsRapidsHostilityEtiquetteInventingBeing DifferentRapid Change
Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson
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“You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...There are plenty of people who say, 'We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable.”

PeopleIfsWayWantTryingCareLawDealsBehaviorEverydayDon't CareDenyPlentyBehaveEveryday LifeUnbearableEtiquetteSanctionsWant Him
Author:Judith Martin
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