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Judith Martin

Judith Martin Quotes

Journalist

Judith Martin, known by her pen name Miss Manners, is an American journalist and columnist renowned for her insights into etiquette and social norms. Born on September 13, 1938, she has been writing a etiquette column for The New York Times since 1962, remaining a prominent figure in the public eye to this day.

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Famous Judith Martin Quotes

“There is no etiquette rule that decrees one must give out personal information to anyone who asks.”

Giving Asks Women Information Etiquette Decree Personal Information

Author:Judith Martin

“The etiquette business has its emergencies, heaven knows, but it is in the nature of etiquette emergencies that once one realizes what one has done, it is too late. One might as well get a good night's sleep and send flowers with an apology in the morning.”

Knows Wells Done Might Night Heaven Realizing Sleep Morning Flower Late Too Late Apology Emergencies Etiquette Good Night

Author:Judith Martin

“Protocol is etiquette with a government expense account.”

Government Accounts Definitions Expenses Etiquette Protocol

Book:Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

Source: Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

“People say when you're in love, you don't need etiquette. Well, you need it then more than anything. Or they say, "At home I can just be myself." What they mean is they can be their worst selves... They always mean they will save all their anxiety about how to behave for somebody like the head waiter of a restaurant, someone they'll never see again.”

People Needs Wells Mean I Can Self Home Worst Love You Anxiety Behave Restaurants Etiquette Waiter

Author:Judith Martin

“People think, mistakenly, that etiquette means you have to suppress your differences. On the contray, etiquette is what enables you to deal with them; it gives you a set of rules.”

People Thinking Giving Mean Differences Deals Etiquette

Author:Judith Martin

“Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. Behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high - violations of life, limb, property and so on. Barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community.”

“Society cannot exist without etiquette ... It never has, and until our own century, everybody knew that.”

Century Etiquette

Author:Judith Martin

“To sacrifice the principles of manners, which require compassion and respect, and bat people over the head with their ignorance of etiquette rules they cannot be expected to know is both bad manners and poor etiquette. That social climbers and twits have misused etiquette throughout history should not be used as an argument for doing away with it.”

Source: Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility

“The etiquette of intimacy is very different from the etiquette of formality, but manners are not just something to show off to the outside world. If you offend the head waiter, you can always go to another restaurant. If you offend the person you live with, it's very cumbersome to switch to a different family.”

Ifs World Persons Different Shows Family Manners Intimacy Restaurants Etiquette Showing Off Outside World Waiter Formality Family Man Different Families

Author:Judith Martin

“Etiquette enables you to resolve conflict without just trading insults. Without etiquette, the irritations in modern life are so abrasive that you see people turning to the law to regulate everyday behavior. This frightens me; it's a major inroad on our basic freedoms.”

People Law Modern Conflict Behavior Majors Everyday Manners Insult Resolve Trading Modern Life Etiquette Irritation

Author:Judith Martin

“Yes, etiquette is hypocritical. Yes, it does inhibit children - if you're lucky. But the idea that it's elitist and irrelevant is like saying language is elitist and irrelevant.”

Ifs Children Doe Ideas Language Lucky Manners Irrelevant Etiquette Hypocritical Elitist

Author:Judith Martin

“The idea that people can behave naturally, without resorting to an artificial code tacitly agreed upon by their society, is as silly as the idea that they can communicate by a spoken language without commonly accepted semantic and grammatical rules.”

People Ideas Language Communicate Accepted Silly Manners Code Behave Artificial Etiquette Spoken Language

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“The etiquette question that troubles so many fastidious people New Year's Day is: How am I ever going to face those people again?”

People Years Faces Trouble New Year Etiquette Fastidious

Book:Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated)

Source: Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated)

“Shame is the proper reaction when one has purposefully violated the accepted behavior of society. Inflicting it is etiquette's response when its rules are disobeyed. The law has all kinds of nasty ways of retaliating when it is disregarded, but etiquette has only a sense of social shame to deter people from treating others in ways they know are wrong. So naturally Miss Manners wants to maintain the sense of shame. Some forms of discomfort are fully justified, and the person who feels shame ought to be dealing with removing its causes rather than seeking to relieve the symptoms.”

Source: Miss Manners Rescues Civilization: From Sexual Harassment, Frivolous Lawsuits, Dissing, and Other Lapses in Civility

“I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.”

Different Culture Situation Principles Particular Eternal Universal Manners Distinction Arbitrary Etiquette Different Times Different Cultures

Author:Judith Martin

“The pejorative term "political correctness" was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.”

People Political Term Principles Claims Spite Etiquette Political Correctness Adapted Correctness Disapproval Enlargement

Book:Star-Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette (For a Change)

Source: Star-Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette (For a Change)

“We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.”

Knows Men Wells Doe Jobs Law Responsibility Letters Etiquette In-laws Hiring Despicable Anonymous Letters

Author:Judith Martin

“One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.”

Should Bigs Social Groups Pure Activity Pressure Selling Advertising Enjoyment Relaxation Etiquette Social Life Cyberspace Selling Things

Author:Judith Martin

“One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.”

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...There are plenty of people who say, 'We don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!' Etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. But the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable.”

People Ifs Way Want Trying Care Law Deals Behavior Everyday Don't Care Deny Plenty Behave Everyday Life Unbearable Etiquette Sanctions Want Him

Author:Judith Martin

“The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.”

Should Doe Interest Quality Available Rings Inequality Manners Etiquette Sneakers Rationale Conveying

Book:Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

Source: Common courtesy: in which Miss Manners solves the problem that baffled Mr. Jefferson

“If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette.”

Ifs States Law Etiquette Breach

Author:Judith Martin

“A general rule of etiquette is that one apologizes for the unfortunate occurrence, but the unthinkable is unmentionable.”

Apology Unfortunate Apologizing Etiquette Unthinkable

Author:Judith Martin