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All Focus Respect Refuse Positive Interest Power Attack Need Stand Up Acknowledge Confidence Consequence Important Protect React Relationship Withdraw Action Agreement Alternative

Famous William Ury Quotes

“Instead of telling your friend, “I’m not going with you to the game,” say, “I’ll catch you after the game.” In other words, put your focus on the positive while creating the boundary you need.”

Focus Positive Boundary

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Framing your solution negatively, such as “Don’t shout at me,” tends to focus the other’s attention even more on the unwanted behavior and may unconsciously reinforce it, particularly if you are shouting back at them. It is more effective to say, quietly, “Please talk to me in a quiet tone.” Focus the other’s mind clearly on the positive action you want them to take.”

Action Focus Positive Frame

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“The son changed the focus from the negative (“Sell the house”) to the positive (“Try this new arrangement for six weeks”). In other words, don’t just tell the other to stop doing something you don’t want; ask them to start doing something you do want.”

Want Focus Positive Negative

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Acknowledge the truth of the difficulties, thank the person, and focus on a positive future.”

Truth Focus Positive Future Difficulty Acknowledge Thank

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Your repetition can be intentional. You can use the same anchor phrase freshly each time, renewed by focusing on your underlying intention— the deeper Yes that lies within you. You can also humanize the repetition with a smile or acknowledgment.”

Focus Smile Acknowledge Repetition Anchor

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Whether you attack or yield, you are reacting. You are off track, no longer focused on the prize—the protection of your core interests and needs. Yielding rewards the other’s abusive behavior, and counterattacking reinforces it. In either case, you interrupt the other’s process of accepting our No. The choice is yours. The moment you react to the other’s reaction, you are initiating an action-reaction cycle that can go on forever. The alternative is not to react but rather to stay true to your underlying Yes. Keep your focus on what matters to you.”

Interest Focus Protect Yield Need Attack React Off Track

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Take a deep breath and focus on your purpose—your Yes—in this situation. Ask yourself what you really want and what is really important here. In other words, shift from being reactive and focused on No, to being proactive and focused on Yes.”

Important Purpose Focus Proactive Reactive

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

“Effective negotiation requires a persistent focus on what is most important.”

Important Focus Negotiation Persistent

Book:The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

Source: The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

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Books & Sources

The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to YesRelated source material

Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult SituationsRelated source material

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