“Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.” KnowsFeelsHumorFunnyWaitingSafeGunClubsMetalsMetal Detectors Author:Chris Rock
“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.” PeopleIfsWaySaidHumorHandsWould BeFunnyNightGuyPrayingGunKneesEvery NightUfoAlabamaShotgunsAbduction Author:Bill Hicks
“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.” LoveHeartLittlesDreamHumorTurnsLove IsGunMachinesDancingDanceMerrySweet LoveMiniaturesMachine GunsPerky Author:Matt Groening
“I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!” WayTryingDoneHumorKidsFunnyJobsGunRight WaySpankingI Love My KidsLove My Kids Author:Denis Leary
“You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.” ShouldHumorFunnyFacesNiceGunShotsDimples Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."” WantGivingHumorFunnyWinningRichGunGive MeCuteDimples Author:Mitch Hedberg
“They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!” PeopleIfsNeedsWellsHumorFunnyGunOutlaw Author:George Carlin
“For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.” YearsHumorEyeFunnySonGunShirtsMy SonT ShirtBulls Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.” MenTwoHumorFunnyGunFishesTanks Author:Tommy Cooper
“The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."” GivingSaidHumorFunnyMoneyGunGive MeStoresDepartmentHallsVaultsPricingDepartment StoresHairballs Author:Steven Wright
“How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?” HumorFunnyGunChestsBullets Author:Steven Wright
“In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.” IfsWayHumorSchoolFunnyComedyGun Author:Emo Philips
“Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.” IfsThinkingNeedsShouldHumorFunnyFiveComedyCostThousandGunDollarsInnocentInnocenceBulletsGun ControlBystandersDodging Bullets Author:Chris Rock
“I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.” ThinkingHumorAgePoliticalOughtGunRaisesAgingBirthday50th BirthdayJuvenile Author:George W. Bush
“I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!” HumorFunnyGunDoctorsAgingSuicidal Author:Rodney Dangerfield