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Guy Quotes

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Guy Quotes

“The next step in my life is hopefully meeting a nice guy and getting married.”

Life Is Guy Next Steps Nice Married Meetings Hopefully Getting Married Next Steps Nice Guy

Author:Tara Reid

“I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.”

Ifs Trying Persons Wanted Guy Husband Married Jokes Divorce Lovely Idiot This Guy Exes Ex Husband Lovely Person

Author:Jen Kirkman

“I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. 'It's a job, Al,' Guy told me. 'We work at it every day.'”

Knows Jobs Guy Months Couple Married Seven Despite Als Fabulous Seven Months

Book:Oh, the Things I Know!

Source: Oh, the Things I Know!

“Any guy hates Valentine's Day. Even if you're in love, you can't win on Valentine's Day. If you're married, you can't win on Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is like the thing you want to avoid at all costs.”

Ifs Want Guy Hate Winning Love You Cost Married Valentine Valentine's Day Can't Win

Author:Vince Vaughn

“I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how women do a lot of shoe shopping or how being married sucks, go see the guy who does jokes about that. But if you come to see my live show, there's going to be 20 minutes on religion for the rest of my life, probably. If that makes me a caricature, so be it.”

Ifs Thinking Want Doe Shows Guy Interesting Talking Careers Minutes Married Jokes Shoes Shopping Being Married Caricatures Keep Talking

Author:David Cross

“They are preserving the sanctity of marriage, so that two gay men who've been together for twenty-five years can't get married, but a guy can still get drunk in Vegas and marry a hooker at the Elvis chapel! The sanctity of marriage is saved!”

Men Years Stills Two Together Guy Five Gay Married Twenties Saved Drunk Five Years Vegas Twenty Five Sanctity Gay Men Chapel Sanctity Of Marriage

Author:Lea DeLaria

“I was 13 or 14 and I met Donald Trump at a bar mitzvah of a good friend of ours, who's friends with him. He had his girlfriend at the time with him, that Melania with him. He said, 'Hey guys, if you work hard and be successful, you'll get one of these.' I'll never forget that. And now he's married to her.”

Ifs Said Hard Guy Forget Successful Hard Work Trump Mets Married Bars Hey Girlfriend Being Successful Never Forget Hockey Good Friend Nhl Bar Mitzvah Mitzvah

Author:Jason Spezza

“I don't like guys my age because they are normally either married or divorced and grumpy, fat and balding.”

Age Guy Married Fats Divorced Grumpy

Author:Madonna Ciccone

“Bachelor parties are for the married guys.”

Guy Party Married Bachelors Bachelor Party

Author:Chrissy Teigen

“My ideal kinda guy, if I was really gonna go there even though he's married, is Mark Wahlberg. To me he's a little black and white, the kinda guy who would understand if I pull my weave out.”

Ifs Littles Guy Black White Married Ideals Mark Black And White

Author:Toni Braxton

“The older you get the more realistic it is that you're significant other is your significant other. I mean, you'll always have your girlfriends or your guy friends, but the person you're married to is usually your No. 1.”

Mean Persons Guy Married Significant Girlfriend Realistic Your Girlfriend Significant Other Guy Friend

Author:Ellen Pompeo

“You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'”

Thinking Knows Children Kids Guy Next Brain Support Minutes Like You Late Married Affair Following Cute One Minute

Author:Cynthia Heimel

“The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can be when they realize that wives can't be forced to testify against their husbands. Skilling said today she was the best secretary Enron had ever had. She could shred 950 words a minute. ... I guess they are on their honeymoon right now. That's going pretty well. Hey, he's used to screwing Enron employees.”

Wells Said Today Used Guy Realizing Wife Week Minutes Right Now Husband Married Hey Employee Secretary Ceo Honeymoon Enron

Author:Jay Leno

“A married guy is responsible for everything, no matter what. Women, thanks to their having been oppressed all these years, are blameless, free as birds, and all the dirt they do is the result of premenstrual syndrome or postmenstrual stress or menopause or emotional disempowerment by their fathers or low expectations by their teachers or latent unspoken sexual harassment in the workplace, or some other airy excuse. The guy alone is responsible for every day of marriage that is less than marvelous and meaningful.”

Source: The Book of Guys: Stories