“My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.” ChildrenMadeTwoHumorEyeFunnyLeftHappenedHusbandCrossesMy SisterWendyVcrFamily Photo Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.” PeopleThinkingFirstsEndsHumorFunnyLinesCrossesBaseballCardsWireFinish Line Author:Jerry Coleman
“My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.” StillsHumorFunnyDogCrossesMy Dog Author:Tommy Cooper
“Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.” NeedsShouldPlayHumorFunnyFunGoalStupidClothesCrossesRidiculousUkuleleNeed Money Author:Kristen Schaal
“Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.” BelieveHumorHandsBigsFunnyCrossesRaisesBordersBig ThingsOathDisneylandWaltCalifornians Book:I KID YOU NOT Source: I KID YOU NOT