“Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.” ThinkingMeanUseHumorFunnyMovingDatingPaintPhrasesFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.” IfsThinkingSaidHumorFunnyRememberGirlBoysDatingPrisonThat GirlFunny Dating Author:Bill Engvall
“I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.” KnowsTryingUseHumorLightFunnyUsedNightTurnsWaterNiceMiddleDatingGet UpBathroomTurn-onMiddle Of The NightFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.” ReasonHumorFunnyDifferencesReligiousDevilDatingCatholicBrokeBroke UpFunny DatingReligious Differences Author:Adam Ferrara
“The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.” KnowsHumorFunnyGirlRight NowDatingGirlfriendMy GirlfriendMy GirlThis GirlFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.” WantHumorFunnyGirlSleepDatingSincerelyWant To SleepFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.” ThinkingWantHumorMightFunnyOrderCan DoPerfectWifeMonthsDatingListsRelativeMailPhilippinesPerfect WomanMailingFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'” WellsEndsHumorFunnyFightingHouseEnergyStupidNegativeDatingDisappearRingsSpoonsDrawersNegative EnergyNapkinsFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.” IfsThinkingMenHumorMightFunnyJobsTheoryDatingSurpriseButterflyNastyPsychiatristNew JobCocoonsMr Right Author:Rita Rudner
“I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'” ThinkingHumansLooksHumorFunnyAnimalDatingDinnerKingdomsMatesSmarterAlrightAnimal Kingdom Author:Adam Ferrara