“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” KnowsSaidHumorFunnyMotherFatherBirthEasierHundredDollarsFather Son Author:Rita Rudner
“I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.” YearsTwoHumorMillionsYears AgoEconomicsDollarsInvestingDebtTwo YearsCentsMillion DollarsGolden AgeTwo Years AgoGilded AgeMutual Trust Book:The Gilded Age: A Tale of To-day Source: The Gilded Age: A Tale of To-day
“I don't see how we can allow public dollars to fund programs where spite and hate is the core of the message.” HumorPoliticalHateMessagesProgramDollarsCoreSpiteFundPolitical Humor Author:George W. Bush
“I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.” HumorFunnyLosesComedySickDollarsSevenCaringPensNot CaringBallpoint PensPaper And Pen Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"” IfsHumorFunnyGuyFoundMillionsDollarsCharitySmallestPiePizzaMillion DollarsDonate Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"” BookHumorFunnyCommunityCollegeTenLet MeDollarsDiscoCommunity College Author:Chris Rock
“The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.” MenHumorFunnyThreeMillionsCostSixDollarsMillion Dollars Author:Frank Carson
“When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."” WantSaidHumorKidsFunnyParentFiveThousandDollarsNotesThey SaidNo RespectKidnapped Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.” YearsHumorFunnyCoursesLinesBehindsWeekDollarsPoundsGenesPenniesCollectors Author:Tina Fey
“I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.” SaidSometimesHumorKidsFunnyDadRaisesMovedDollarsMy DadSpokesMy Sister Author:Adam Carolla