“Life is tough; and if you have the ability to laugh at it, you have the ability to enjoy it.” IfsHumorLife IsEnjoyAbilityLaughingLaughterToughLife Is Tough Author:Salma Hayek
“I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.” SometimesShowsHumorEyeFunnyEnjoyAudienceEyelids Author:Mitch Hedberg
“People think I'm into sports because I'm a man. But I'm not into sports. I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and play basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic!” PeopleThinkingMenWayPlayHumorFunnySportsEnjoyForgetBasketballThirstyDemographicsGatorade Author:Mitch Hedberg
“You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number, but often they'll use too many letters? "Call 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Brand-New-Carpeting." Too many letters, man, must I dial them all? "Hello? Hold on, man, I'm only on 'Enjoy.' How did you know I was calling? You're good, I can see why they hired you!"” KnowsMenWantI CanUseHumorFunnyEnjoyNumbersCompanyCallingLettersPhonesBrandsHelloBrand NewDid You KnowPhone Numbers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.” KnowsTryingStillsUseHumorWantedFunnyTurnsStuffEnjoyDadLettersMy DadQuittingHarshOperatorsSteamboats Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.” PeopleIfsSometimesHumorFunnyEnjoyWonderQuietDead People Author:Doug Stanhope
“It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.” HumorFunnyEnjoyDifficultPrayingMosques Author:Milton Jones
“I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.” HumorFunnyUsedEnjoyDrugCommitmentHandle Author:Marc Maron
“I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".” IfsSaidEnoughHumorFunnySexEnjoyWifeMy WifeDragCigarette Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.” HumorHandsFunnySexEnjoyRidingRoller CoasterHaving SexCoastersCondomHands UpDiarrhea Author:Adam Carolla
“Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.” KnowsTwoHumorFunnyEnjoyOpinionFiveMagicSeriousDrinkDancingTricksBiographiesMikeWildlifeMagic Tricks Author:Mike Birbiglia