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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“I have an oscillating fan at my house. It goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "no." So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to! Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? LIAR! My fan lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you're not saying ANYTHING!”

Looks Humor Funny Order Asks House Fans Hair Setting Settings Liars Documents Lied Pins Back And Forth Saying No Lied To Me Pin Up

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.”

Humor Funny Rooms Fans Fronts

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.”

Ifs Stills Humor Would Be Funny Left Fans Baby Baseball Rose Throwing Deck Streaks

Author:Jerry Coleman

“I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.”

Humor Funny Fans Eggs Electric

Author:Oliver Herford

“Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection.”

Problem Home Humor Funny Natural Records Fans Listening Solutions Folks Heavy Buying Metals Unemployment Selection Natural Selection Heavy Metal Shotguns Metal Fans

Author:Denis Leary

“If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.”

Ifs Humor Might Funny Wife Fans Ruined Ceilings Redneck You Might Be A Redneck If Redneck Humor Hairdos

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.”

Years Enough Use Humor Bigs Seems Funny Fans Baby Size Calories Pastries Use Of Time

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories