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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?”

People Thinking Want Should Writing Said Humor Funny Form Hate Duty Like You Return My Friends I Hate Racist Jury Chinks Jury Duty

Author:Sarah Silverman

“The essence of humor is sensibility; warm, tender fellow-feeling with all forms of existence.”

Feelings Humor Form Existence Essence Fellows Warm Sensibility Fellow Feeling

Author:Thomas Carlyle

“Humor, in one form or another, is characteristic of every nation; and reflecting the salient points of social and national life, it illuminates those crowded corners which history leaves obscure.”

Humor Form Nations Social Corners Characteristics Obscure Reflecting Crowded

Book:In the Dozy Hours, and Other Papers

Source: In the Dozy Hours, and Other Papers

“Most of you probably didn't know that I have a new book out. Some guy put together a collection of my wit and wisdom - or, as he calls it, my accidental wit and wisdom. But I'm kind of proud that my words are already in book form.”

Knows Kind Book Humor Together Form Political Guy Proud Wit Collections Political Humor New Books Wit And Wisdom

Author:George W. Bush

“Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?”

Thinking Two Humor Form Political Answers Five Hundred Program Phones Spending Eighty Files Bureaucrats Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“I myself saw and touched at Dessay, a child of this sort, which had no human parents, but had proceeded from the Devil. He was twelve years old, and, in outward form, exactly resembled ordinary children.”

Years Humans Children Humor Form Parent Religious Saws Ordinary Devil Touched Twelve

Book:The Life of Luther Written by Himself

Source: The Life of Luther Written by Himself

“The Devil can so completely assume the human form, when he wants to deceive us, that we may well lie with what seems to be a woman, of real flesh and blood, and yet all the while 'tis only the Devil in the shape of a woman. 'Tis the same with women, who may think that a man is in bed with them, yet 'tis only the Devil; and...the result of this connection is oftentimes an imp of darkness, half mortal, half devil.”

Thinking Men Want Humans Wells May Real Humor Seems Form Lying Religious Results Half Darkness Blood Shapes Bed Devil Connections Assuming Flesh Mortals Deceiving Flesh And Blood Human Form

Author:Martin Luther

“Exaggeration is the cheapest form of humor.”

Humor Form Exaggeration Exaggeration Is

Author:Barbara Mertz

“I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.”

Looks Body Humor Funny Form

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“I ordered a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "Well, so do I!" "Then let's form a club." "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle, and in the middle we will dump chips." "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed."”

Needs Feels Wells Humor Funny Form Three Pieces Four Cutting Middle Members Clubs Circles Bread Ems Chips Sandwiches Dump Triangles Toothpicks Stipulations

Author:Mitch Hedberg