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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“Let me put it to you this way, I am not a revengeful person.”

Way Persons Humor Political Let Me Hateful Sixteen Political Humor Revengeful Crips

Author:George W. Bush

“My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.”

Way Years Kind Littles Humor Kids Funny Hurt Millions Baby Let Me Refuse Idiot Cute My Sister Adorable Newborn

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.”

Two Helping Humor Funny Sweet Ten Let Me Teeth Bottles Delicious Candy Sweet Tooth

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.”

Thinking Play Humor Might Funny Hurt Let Me Rope

Author:Will Rogers

“Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"”

Book Humor Funny Community College Ten Let Me Dollars Disco Community College

Author:Chris Rock

“I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!”

Humor Funny Hate Wish Let Me I Hate Ems Ku Klux Klan

Author:Chris Rock

“Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.”

Thinking Long Stills Humor Funny Asks Wife Let Me Died My Wife

Author:Frankie Boyle

“I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.”

Shows Humor Funny Let Me Freak

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.”

Ifs Knows Want Doe Said Book Humor Light Happens Funny Jobs Guy Turns Reading Asks Let Me Speed Things Happen Interviews Turn-on Spaceships Speed Of Light Job Interview Headlights

Author:Steven Wright