“When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.” ThinkingHumorFunnyBrainComedyThirdsMilesSnapsFlyers Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.” KnowsNeedsKindSometimesHumorFunnyCarTenSmellMilesEmergenciesBrakeLeversCar Rental Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."” SaidHumorFunnySawsMilesLos AngelesLanesFreeways Author:Franklyn Ajaye
“There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?” LongEndsHumorFunnyTrainMilesDriversMetalsLightningBoltsConductorLightning Bolts Author:Bo Burnham
“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?” IfsGivingTwoHumorKidsFunnyReadingNextPresidentGiving UpConcernedEmptySickMilesSeatsGatesPensAirlineFlyersEmpty SeatsSick Kids Author:David Cross
“I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.” ThinkingShouldLittlesHelpingHumorFunnyMovingWaterWalksSawsCharityMilesAppealsGuardianFetch Author:Jimmy Carr
“I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.” TryingTwoHumorFunnyNextMillionsFourWeekMonthsMilesTwo WeeksDown The RoadHash Author:Adam Carolla
“I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.” BelieveMadeStillsHumorFunnySixMilesFixedLos AngelesLoserMy Sister Author:Mike Birbiglia