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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.”

Two Humor Funny Three Cities Worry Study Heard New York Train Flesh Wounds Hey Phrases New York City Taxi

Author:David Letterman

“Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?"”

Humor Might Funny Life Is Study Humour Glasses Collections Village Sections Earnest New Yorkers Assistants Bookstores Campus Granny Greenwich Greenwich Village

Author:Keith Waterhouse

“Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.”

Ifs Humor Bigs Funny Water Pay Study Tomorrow Tests Gas Candle Electricity Daddy

Author:Chris Rock

“If you're studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.”

Ifs Enough Philosophy Facts Humor School Funny Remember Forget Study Screws Forget It Rest Of Your Life Geology Screw You

Author:Steve Martin

“A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.”

Ifs Humor Funny Games Study Months Twelve Cents Teens Pledge Virginity

Author:Tina Fey

“I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not ready for prime time, that one.”

Thinking Trying Doe Humor Might Funny Study Subjects Ready Materials Cells Prime Not Ready Prime Time Mitochondria

Book:Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

Source: Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories

“I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.”

Humor Funny Study Degrees Anthropology Calcium Milkman

Author:Steven Wright