“Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.” TwoHumorFunnyThreeCitiesWorryStudyHeardNew YorkTrainFleshWoundsHeyPhrasesNew York CityTaxi Author:David Letterman
“I've got a reason for running. I talk about a larger goal, which is to call upon the best of America. It's part of the renewal. It's reform and renewal. Part of the renewal is a set of high standards and to remind people that the greatness of America really does depend on neighbors helping neighbors and children finding mentors. I worry. I'm very worried about, you know, the kid who just wonders whether America is meant for him. I really worry about that.” PeopleKnowsChildrenDoeReasonHelpingHumorRunningKidsAmericaPoliticalGoalWonderWorryGreatnessDependsFindingsStandardsNeighborReformWorriedMentorRenewalPolitical HumorHigh StandardsGreatness Of America Author:George W. Bush
“I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"” MadeSaidHumorFunnyStuffSituationWorryBrotherMy FriendsPaidLaysRidiculousOpeningBitesCashSnakesWormsEmergenciesBad Situations Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."” SaidHumorFunnyWorrySawsLakesHanging OutSay AnythingSeagull Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.” IfsKnowsDoeHumorFunnyBreakWorryKnow HowCarDown AndGasBreaking DownTanksCockyWalletsToolboxAka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.” KnowsDoeHumorFunnyGuyMorningWorryKnow HowRidiculousAwakeRidiculous Things Author:Billy Connolly
“Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".” WorldHumorFunnyJobsCoursesNextWorryAustralianPsychiatristNo Worries Author:Milton Jones
“There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?” IfsThinkingFirstsSaidTwoHumorHappensFunnyGuyWorryHappeningsFaultsGirlfriendTwo ThingsOne TimeOther GuysSexuallyMy Girlfriend Author:Jimmy Carr
“America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.” HumorFunnyAmericaWaitingWorryIraqBunchUniformsBully Author:Katt Williams