“You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.” IfsNeedsMightMomGirlfriendShoppingRedneckYour MomYou Might Be A Redneck IfRedneck HumorChristmas Shopping Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“When I was in high school, my mom gave me a paperweight. It was when I was going through my 'not that interested in doing homework or really working on anything' phase and the paperweight said "If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." And that's sort of the same thing, if you're not always working to be in the front.” IfsSaidSchoolViewsDogFrontsMomHigh SchoolMy MomPhasesNever ChangeHomeworkAlways Working Author:Amanda Schull
“I'm sure that there's frustration that comes with wanting to just have a normal mom. But, I don't really know if they see it as any different than any other problem you might have with a parent. I think everybody can think about one thing that their parents used to do, all the time, that would embarrass you.” IfsThinkingKnowsDifferentProblemMightUsedParentOne ThingMomNormalFrustration Author:Brie Larson
“So, absolutely, [my Dad] will call and say, "I just got offered this or that and what do you think?" My Mom [Lisa Bonet] will do the same. And we all trust each other's opinions. And we all know each other so well and what we're capable of so, if someone's scared to do something, we encourage them to take that chance because we believe in each other as a family.” IfsThinkingKnowsBelieveWellsChanceOpinionMomDadCapableMy DadScaredMy Mom Author:Zoe Kravitz
“If my mom came here today, she'd probably join this red-hat brigade. My mother got my sense of humor, even when I was a kid. I would just do things that tickled my fancy in the moment, and she would ask me who I was entertaining. I'd say, 'Well, me.' And she would tell me that nobody knew that and they thought I was psychotic. Well, I don't ever want people to think I'm psychotic, but I can't help myself from doing these things.” PeopleIfsThinkingWantWellsI CanMomentsHelpingKidsTodayMotherAsksMomRedMy MomAsk MeFancyHatsSense Of HumorEntertainingPsychoticRed Hat Author:Howie Mandel
“My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.” IfsSaidMomDadClothesMy DadMy MomIntimidated Author:Bob Saget
“My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?” IfsFallWinningSexMomDadThousandBedTenDollarsMy DadYour MomHaving Sex Author:Bob Saget
“I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.” IfsThinkingKnowsMenMindLittlesFactsFacesSportsHurtSimpleCryMomAthleteCornersMy MomNosesDo You KnowShut UpIt HurtsBoxersMind BlowingLittle ManGreatest AthleteOh My Gosh Author:Daniel Tosh
“My mom was a manic depressive schizophrenic who, after a year in prison, went home and shot herself. My sister, Kirsten, an amazing poet, who was raised by this woman, and was dating a guy who broke up with her for the fourth time in three weeks. And one day, she came to his house, got a gun, and blew her brains out all over his headboard. I just went through a divorce, five years in court and cost me $2 million dollars. If anyone, by law, should be forced to take antidepressants it's me... But instead, I choose to be an antidepressant. And you can take me with alcohol.” IfsShouldYearsHomeLawGuyThreeHouseBrainMillionsFiveWeekPoetMomOne DayCostGunShotsDatingCourtDollarsPrisonRaisedMy MomDivorceAlcoholBrokeFive YearsTake MeMy SisterFourthMillion DollarsManicBroke UpSchizophrenicDepressiveAntidepressants Author:Christopher Titus
“You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.” IfsKnowsShowsMomSouth Author:Amy Schumer
“My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.” IfsStillsMomMy MomMeatBeansBurritosTortillasEnchiladas Author:Felipe Esparza
“I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.” PeopleIfsWritingFirstsPlayWould BeSchoolUsedFunStuffRecordsComedyPlayerBrotherMaterialsMomHigh SchoolBillsAlbumsMy BrotherGradesFunny StuffRecord Players Author:Felipe Esparza
“I probably wouldn't be singing if not for Michael Jackson. When I started singing, I didn't like my tone until my mom put me on to Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder, so listening to the way they used their instrument helped me get more comfortable with my own.” IfsWayUsedMy OwnWonderListeningMomComfortableSingingInstrumentsMy MomTone Author:Ne-Yo
“My mom on Pitbull: 'I'm glad he's a star, b/c if he wasn't and I just saw him on the street I'd think he was going to steal from me.'” IfsThinkingStarsSawsStreetsMomMy MomGladStealing Author:Sasheer Zamata
“As soon as I was born, my mom said I was humming 'When the Saints Go Marching In,' or something like that, you know? It's in the family. And in that neighborhood [Treme, in New Orleans], I think everybody in the neighborhood has some type of musical influence, even if they don't play instruments or anything. It's the way they talk to you, the way they say your name - it's all musical.” IfsThinkingKnowsWaySaidPlayNamesBornGrowing UpInfluenceMomTypeInstrumentsMusicalSaintMy MomNeighborhoodNew OrleansHummingMusical Influence Author:Troy Andrews
“No press, no television. If my mom calls and says, 'Did you hear about?' I don't want to know nothing about anything that is going on in relation to music. I shut it all off.” IfsKnowsWantTelevisionMomRelationPressesMy Mom Author:Lady Gaga
“The only struggle came from me wanting more for my family and feeling like if they had one less individual to take care of - if my mom only had her and my sister and my grandmother and my aunt to take care of, couldn't she do the things she was doing for me for herself? That's the reason I took myself away from my family. I left home when I was 13 years old to assume the responsibilities of being a man.” IfsMenYearsReasonFeelingsHomeCareIndividualLeftResponsibilityStruggleMomMy FamilyAssumingMy MomTake CareGrandmotherMy SisterMy GrandmotherAuntWanting More Author:Petey Pablo
“If I were to work with my mom, I probably would not want her to play my mom. That would get too real.” IfsWantRealPlayMomMy MomToo Real Author:Zooey Deschanel
“I'm usually a mellow, go-with-the-flow person, except when someone tells me I should do something. Then I get stubborn. If they don't back off, I get this horrible rage and want to kill them. When I was four and my mom would send me to my room, I'd get so mad I'd go outside and bang my head on the sidewalk.” IfsWantShouldPersonsRoomsFourMomFlowMadMy MomRageHorribleStubbornBangsSidewalkMellow Author:Josie Maran
“When I first came out, I was a film student and my mom sewed clothes. I was already doing a million things then, whatever it took to survive. If I had to braid someone's hair to get one pound for my lunch money, that's what I did. But I did it in the most creative way possible.” IfsWayFirstsFilmMillionsCreativeStudentsHairMomClothesMy MomPoundsLunchBraidsFilm Students Author:M.I.A.
“My grandpa could go days, weeks, even months without a drink but if he took that first drink, he couldn't stop. Once, when I was twelve, my mom and I were driving and we saw my grandpa staggering drunk down the street. I asked if we should stop and help him. My mom sadly shook her head and kept driving.” IfsShouldFirstsHelpingSawsWeekStreetsMomMonthsDrinkMy MomDrivingDrunkTwelveGrandpaStaggering Author:Brian Lindstrom
“The first concert I ever went to was the Bee Gees. I don't know if you remember the Bee Gees. My mom took me. I was little. But my mom was a big disco fan, and - my mom took me to the Bee Gees. Looking back now, it's pretty embarrassing if your first concert was with your mom.” IfsKnowsFirstsLittlesBigsRememberFansMomMy MomConcertsBeesLooking BackEmbarrassingYour MomDiscoBee Gees Author:Rob Huebel
“I have a bet with my mom that involves a little money, and if I have too many turnovers, she gets in my pocket. I'm afraid of that for sure.” IfsLittlesMomMy MomPocketsLittle MoneyTurnover Author:Stephen Curry
“My mom instilled in me at a young age how important it is to be properly dressed when you leave the house, no matter the time of day. Even if it's 4:30 A.M. and you're heading to the airport, you want to look and feel your best.” IfsWantFeelsLooksImportantMatterAgeYoungHouseMomMy MomAirportsYoung AgeHeadingsTime Of Day Author:Olivia Palermo
“My Mom played violin and piano when she was growing up and she insisted, and I don't know if you can imagine how uncool it is to play the violin when you're eight and ten years old, but I told my Mom that I would quit every day until I went to high school and I met these other gentlemen who would become Yellowcard, and my friends, and I really fell in love with music and it wasn't just classical music, just submerged in the arts in the school I was in.” IfsKnowsYearsArtPlaySchoolGrowing UpGrowingImagineMomMetsTenHigh SchoolMy FriendsMy MomEightQuittingPianoGentlemanClassical MusicViolinSubmergedUncool Author:Sean Mackin
“I know when we were really little, my mom would say to me, "If you can, the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, just get quiet and ask God, 'Who is Patricia?' You can feel your own nature and know who you are."” IfsKnowsFeelsFirstsLittlesAsksMorningMomQuietWake UpWho You AreMy Mom Author:Patricia Arquette
“I've been acting since I was a little kid. It was my escape from my day which had to do with a father leaving, and a mother not being home, and her struggling and doing her best and all that. But it wasn't fun. I would go into theater class. If she were a stay-at-home mom, I wouldn't have that discomfort inside that kept me pushing.” IfsLittlesHomeKidsMotherFatherFunActingClassStruggleMomTheaterLeavingPushingLittle KidDiscomfortStay At HomeStay At Home MomFather Leaving Author:Daphne Zuniga
“I feel very vulnerable when it has to do with family. Having lost my mom, who I was so extremely close to, now I feel so vulnerable when somebody gets sick or hurt. I become a complete wreck until they're well. Even if it's a cold! I compare myself to Marlin in Finding Nemo.” IfsFeelsWellsLostHurtMomColdFindingsSickMy MomVulnerableCompareWrecksNemo Author:Nancy O'Dell
“My mom, she got taken away from me when I was 14 years old. She is incarcerated. My sister was incarcerated. I was homeless. When my mom went away when I was 14... I was forced to live with my aunt. My aunt, she doesn't like rap music. She thinks rap music is the devil's music. Basically she said, "Yo, if you are going to do music you can't do it in my house."” IfsThinkingYearsSaidHouseTakenMomMusic IsDevilMy MomRapMy SisterHomelessAuntRap Music Author:Sean Kingston
“Every time you recall a memory, you're basically making another copy of it and at that same point it is susceptible to new changes and adaptations. So, you know, if you remember from when you were, you know, in second grade and there was Christmas and you got a present from your grandfather and your mom was wearing a red dress, that may or may not all have happened.” IfsKnowsMayRememberMemoriesHappenedMomRedDressesGradesCopiesGrandfatherRecallsAdaptationYour MomSusceptible Author:Pete Docter
“My mom was my English teacher in high school. So to be able to bend the rules and be the class clown and get to take on my religion, my mom, and my town all at the same time was glorious. I think the desire to be funny was a mixture of wanting to be liked but also wanting to throw your elbows a bit. If you're cracking a joke in school, it's sort of anti-authority, but it's in the nicest, "Please like me!" way.” IfsThinkingWayAbleSchoolDesireBitsClassTeacherMomPleaseAuthorityJokesHigh SchoolTownsMy MomLike MeGloriousClownMixturesElbowsEnglish Teacher Author:Paul Rust
“I was homeschooled until I was 14, and then when I was 14, I began attending college. Mom was not playing about that education. She always said, "Acting is a privilege not a priority. Education is the priority. If you're not bringing home As and Bs, you can't go on the audition."” IfsSaidHomeActingCollegeMomGoes OnPrivilegePrioritiesAuditionsAttending Author:Aldis Hodge
“My mom will never march in a gay pride parade with a big sign. She is very private. She lives in Chattanooga. She tries so hard to understand me and my life. But she said to me once, "Leslie, if I live to be 105 I'll never understand this need you have to air your dirty laundry. Why can't you just whisper it to a therapist?!" She doesn't understand.” IfsNeedsTryingSaidHardBigsAirPrideMomGayMy MomDirtyMarchNeed YouTherapistsParadesLaundryUnderstand MeGay PrideLeslieDirty Laundry Author:Leslie Jordan
“My mom taught me how to sew when I was super young; I used to make clothes for my dolls. When I finally went to [fashion design] school [in 1999], I really took to pattern making. Everyone in class was good at something; I was the person, if you need help with your patterns, you come to me and I would help you out.” IfsNeedsPersonsHelpingSchoolYoungUsedClassFashionDesignTaughtMomClothesPatternsMy MomDollsNeed HelpFashion Design Author:Serena Williams
“The big difference is, as a man, I can go to a bar at two in the morning and people will be like "He's just a fun guy! That's cool that he can balance all these things." But if you see a person that you know who has two young kids and is a mom, there's no way those perceptions are the same. It's like "Oh, there must be a problem." That's usually what women face.” PeopleIfsKnowsMenWayPersonsI CanTwoProblemBigsKidsFacesYoungGuyFunDifferencesMorningMomBalancePerceptionBars Author:Robert Greene
“My mom [comes] to see my shows because she's so proud, but I'm talking about losing my virginity, my ex-wife and our sexual problems, and she's sitting in the front row smiling. I just go, "Mom, you can't sit in the front row, you can't smile. You have to go way in the back and dress in black. If I see you it's like you're breaking in when I'm having sex with my wife. It's just wrong."” IfsWayShowsProblemSexBlackTalkingWifeFrontsLike YouMomProudLosingSittingDressesMy MomMy WifeExesVirginityHaving SexEx Wife Author:John Leguizamo
“So I went home and I told my mom that I wanted to quit and be an actress and she said, “Huh, that sounds fascinating. It’s wonderful!” And I told my father and he literally said, “I don’t care if you want to be an elephant trainer if it makes you happy.”” IfsWantSaidHomeCareWantedFatherSoundLaughingWonderfulMomDon't CareMy MomActressesQuittingI Don't CareFascinatingElephantsMake You HappyTrainers Author:Gena Rowlands
“My mom is a great cook, and family dinners were a must growing up, even if that meant eating at 10 p.m. when my dad got home from the hospital. It's where we did our family bonding.” IfsHomeGrowing UpGrowingMomDadEatingMy DadMy MomDinnerCooksOur FamilyHospitalsBondingFamily DinnerFamily Bonding Author:Daphne Oz
“Even my mom. I have to tell her, "If you want a snack, don't go to bed with potato chips. Eat a handful of pistachios and a handful of dates."” IfsWantMomBedMy MomChipsPotatoesHandfulSnacksPotato ChipsPistachios Author:Sandra Cisneros
“You're not insulting my character. Being a woman, especially in this business, it's so thrilling to get to do that. It's so rare, especially right now the way the film industry is. If you're a girl, the part you get to play these days...because there's so many less movies made...in a good movie, if there's a girl in it, there might be a handful of scenes, and your job is to be supportive to the guy who's messed up. Be the loving rock at home, or be the good mom, or be the attractive person.” IfsWayPersonsMadePlayCharacterHomeMightJobsFilmGuyGirlRocksMomIndustryRight NowSceneThese DaysAttractiveSupportiveThrillingHandfulInsultingBeing A WomanGood MovieFilm IndustryMessed UpGood Mom Author:Keri Russell
“I grew up as an only child, and my mother was a single mom. It's always been "us." If it weren't for her nurturing and guiding my artistic talents at a young age, I don't think I'd be a professional actress and performer today.” IfsThinkingChildrenAgeTodayYoungMotherTalentGrewMomGrew UpActressesArtisticPerformersYoung AgeNurturingSingle MomOnly ChildArtistic Talent Author:Edwina Findley
“I think about things to put them in a place where I don't have to think about them anymore. Say if I had a child with a really bad mom, I would have to think more than if I had a child with a good mom. I'm just doing my homework early.” IfsThinkingChildrenMomHomeworkGood MomBad Mom Author:Kanye West
“Try to go organic with not too many chemicals and stuff in it. That's what my mom always told me. She was like, "If you wanna wear makeup or do anything, try to keep it organic."” IfsTryingStuffMomMy MomMakeupChemicalsMy Mom Always Told Me Author:Nina Agdal
“My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!"” IfsPersonsCertainMomMetsMarriedMy Mom Author:Sarah Silverman
“I did a film [about a con-artist mom and son] called Bringing Up Bobby that Famke Janssen wrote and directed. No one's gonna hire me for their [big-budget] romantic comedy, so it's up to me to look out for great indie comedies and show people a different side of myself - even if it's for three people outside of my family.” PeopleIfsLooksDifferentShowsBigsFilmArtistThreeSidesComedySonMomMy FamilyBudgetsDifferent SidesCon Artist Author:Milla Jovovich
“[Affordable prices] are important to me. My mother lets me know [if something is too expensive]. With a few dresses, she's, like, "That's too much." "But Mom, it's $59.99." "It's too much." And then I go back and we talk about price points. My family keeps my grounded.” IfsKnowsImportantMotherToo MuchMomMy FamilyLet MeDressesExpensiveGroundedAffordable Author:Eva Mendes
“The only urgency that I ever had was when my mom was alive. She died last year in September of 2006. She was my number one fan and she always said I'd love to see you go into the Hall of Fame. That was the only urgency that I ever had that I wish if I was going to go into the Hall of Fame that certainly it would've happen when she was around, but it didn't and now that she's passed.” IfsYearsSaidHappensLastsWishNumbersAliveFansMomFameDiedMy MomHallsLast YearSeptemberUrgencyHall Of Fame Author:Goose Gossage
“I remember when I started acting and didn't get a part and was really jealous of the girl who got it. My mom would say to me, "If you don't get a part, that means it's not your part. It's just not yours. You will have your parts." It really recalibrated me at a very young age to where I could be driven because I was trying to achieve things for myself, and that had nothing to do with what anybody else was doing.” IfsTryingMeanAgeRememberYoungGirlActingAchieveMomMy MomDrivenJealousRemember WhenYoung Age Author:Gwyneth Paltrow
“I did do a presentation pilot with Jesse Eisenberg and he's wonderful. He's such a great writer. He directed me and he wrote these wonderful scripts and we're waiting to hear if marketers and advertisers think that an audience wants to look at a bad mom and her 10-year-old son in a show.” IfsThinkingWantYearsLooksShowsWaitingAudienceWonderfulSonMomScriptsPilotsPresentationGreat WritersMarketersAdvertisersBad Mom Author:Parker Posey
“If you're reading something from a Nobel Prize-winning physicist next to some guy in his underwear writing in his basement, or his mom's basement, on text, it looks like it's equally plausible.” IfsWritingLooksGuyReadingNextWinningMomPrizePhysicistNobelUnderwearBasementsNobel PrizePlausiblePrize Winning Author:Barack Obama