“There was a whole display set up of all the X-Men paraphernalia. My wife couldn't resist telling this 5-year-old boy that I was Wolverine. The little kid looked up at me and he was staring at me.” MenYearsLittlesWholeKidsBoysWifeMy WifeStaringDisplayLittle KidX Men Author:Hugh Jackman
“There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.” MenHardKidsFilmGrowsWifeBe A ManInterference Author:Chris Rock
“Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.” IfsThinkingYearsLooksHomeKidsLastsGuyWifeCaughtLast YearCheatYou Re Pretty Author:Greg Giraldo
“No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.” KnowsIdeasKidsJobsUsedHouseLostWifeCarDrugBeatsSorryHonestlyAssLaughedGreat TimesVery PopularHad A Great Time Author:Bill Hicks
“I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.” IfsKnowsMeanKidsWifePleaseHusbandOkayMy WifeGirlfriendPlus Author:Andrew Dice Clay
“I feel like... I don't have a wife, I don't have a kids, but... I see rappers and I'm like, I know that's fake. I know how much you make, this is all bullshit. But people are buying into it, and you shouldn't have that power. I'm legit trying to make honest moves so that all of us can grow. I want to make a show where my sister can work on and become a producer because she can't get in, no one's leting her. I want to make things where people can actually grow. A place where people can actually be honest.” PeopleKnowsWantFeelsTryingShowsKidsMovingGrowsKnow HowWifeHonestProducersBeing HonestFakeBuyingMy SisterRapperBullshitLegit Author:Donald Glover
“Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.” KidsWifeRocksDivorceBreakup Author:Chelsea Handler
“I can't get my wife to agree with me on everything or my kids to agree with everything.” I CanKidsWifeAgreeMy Wife Author:Rick Warren
“There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. I mean, does everything have to be so black-and-white in this kindergarten country of ours? What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids - she's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately no, there's no excuse. You're going to have to let her drown that third one.” IfsMeanLongDoeTwoCountryHomeRunningKidsSoundBlackChallengesWhiteWifeViolenceThirdsExcusePopsWhat IfComing HomeBlack And WhiteDomestic ViolenceNo ExcusesKindergartenLong DayExcuse You Author:Daniel Tosh
“Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. But it all changes after that. You get a great car, a great job. You got a wife, kids, you got your health. But then your company is sold out from under you, your stocks tank, your wife's sleeping with the gardener and your teenage daughter is pregnant. And you notice that you have a prostate so hard, you can actually take a hammer to it. But hey, not one zit.” YearsHardKidsJobsSleepCompanyWifeWorstCarDaughterHeyTeenagerThirtyPregnantTeenageHammersTanksGardenerThirty YearsGreat JobSold OutBeing A TeenagerProstateZitsTeenage Daughter Author:Christopher Titus
“And me having kids, with my family history? My mom: mentally ill, shot and killed her last husband. My father: six ex-wives, four heart attacks. Both of my parents think alcohol is a food group.” ThinkingHeartKidsLastsFatherParentFourWifeGroupsMomHusbandSixShotsMy FamilyIllMy MomAlcoholExesFamily HistoryHeart AttackMentally IllHaving KidsEx Wife Author:Christopher Titus
“Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.” KidsHouseWifeMembersVideoHillsNeighborhoodLos AngelesHanging OutGangWaterfallsGang MembersCypressesSketchy Author:Al Madrigal
“Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.” KnowsMenLittlesDifferentHappensRunningKidsFacesMovingWifeEightMy WifeNineParksSandWeedToysLittle KidDifferent DirectionsVicodinRepo Man Author:Al Madrigal
“There's ten of us, we've been best friends for thirty years. Ten guys. And their wives, and their kids, are all family now. I'm not big on keeping up on the phone, none of us are. Some guys I won't talk to for two months and then you pick up the phone and hear, "So, anyway." There's no guilt or where have you been? or what's been going on? or why haven't we talked? There's an ease to it.” YearsTwoBigsKidsGuyWifeHavensMonthsTenPicksGuiltPhonesEaseThirtyThirty YearsTwo Months Author:George Clooney
“I love my kids, I'm a proud father, a happy husband, and all of that. I live my life with my wife as a normal person, and that's that.” PersonsKidsFatherWifeProudHusbandNormalMy WifeLiving My LifeI Live My LifeI Love My KidsLove My KidsProud Father Author:Kevin Federline
“My wife loves me but she don't like me. I'm still in the trenches every day. I'm still buildin' my name, and it's growin' rapidly, but not fast enough to where I can relax at home with my kids and my wife. I'm always on the road, 3 months at a time, 6 months at a time.” StillsI CanEnoughHomeKidsNamesWifeMonthsMy WifeLike MeRelaxTrenchesDon't Like MeWives Love Author:Aaron Dontez Yates
“I'm living the dream. I've got a big tour bus, an incredible band, a big house, and a family that are all taken care of through my music. I've got a beautiful wife and three beautiful kids.” DreamBigsCareKidsBeautifulThreeHouseTakenWifeBandIncrediblesBusBig HousesLiving The DreamBeautiful Wife Author:Aaron Watson
“In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any worse. You're the mother of my kids - I don't want to hate you.'” WantSaidKidsMotherHateWifeDivorceHeyHate YouExesCheatedStood UpMessed UpEx WifeI Cheated Author:Kevin Hart
“My fans saw me get engaged, saw me make that woman my wife, me having kids, me divorcing, me talking about divorce before the divorce, me talking about my kids' reaction to that divorce.” KidsTalkingSawsWifeFansDivorceMy WifeReactionsEngagedHaving Kids Author:Kevin Hart
“Alan Alda and his wife Arlene are two of the most life-affirming people I've ever met. He espoused equal rights for women while producing, writing, acting in and directing M*A*S*H; he used to commute between the set and home because he didn't want to disrupt his kids' schooling.” PeopleWantWritingTwoHomeKidsUsedActingWifeRightsMetsEqualEqual RightsSchoolingAffirmingLife Affirming Author:Sanjeev Bhaskar
“I've got four kids to feed and a wife to provide for. It's a worry but a great responsibility as well and one I relish.” WellsKidsResponsibilityWorryFourWifeRelishGreat Responsibility Author:Eddie Marsan
“I just spent a lot of time on 'ER' for that eight years. I also started working when I was 16, so by the time I left 'ER,' I was 40 years old, I had this incredible experience, my wife had this great company, we had four kids, it was like, 'Let's go to New York and live for a while and make that the priority.'” YearsKidsLeftCompanyFourWifeNew YorkIncrediblesEightMy WifePrioritiesGreat Company Author:Anthony Edwards