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Wife Quotes

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Wife Quotes

“When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.”

Said Home Water Wife Trouble Car My Wife Lakes

Book:It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

“After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.”

Ifs Want Years Wells Said Five Wife Happened Baby Six Married Twenties Five Years Agreement Rough Nuts Divorced Giver Twenty Five Cement

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.”

Ifs Should Said Wife My Wife Should I Garbage

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me, don't think it makes up for never saying it when we're alone.”

Ifs Thinking Said Winning Wife My Wife

Author:Ray Romano

“It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.”

Said Dream Night Wife Trouble Middle My Wife Hills Middle Of The Night

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. You'll save a fortune on your food bills, he promised. I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous. Said my wife: I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We're saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can't afford to save any more!”

Giving Said I Can Wife Car Right Now Truth Is Giving Up Machines Bills Sells Fortune My Wife Saving Bus Washing Salesman Maids Laundry New Car Dishwashers Freezer Washing Machines

Author:Joey Bishop

“There was a man named Robert Dear who in court said he was a warrior for the babies, whose ex-wife talked about his Christian beliefs motivating his desire to attack and murder three people, including a police officer, in Colorado.That man is a Christian. He`s an avowed Christian. He appears to have acted on those Christian beliefs to undertake that act of violence.”

People Men Said Christian Desire Three Belief Wife Violence Baby Murder Police Court Including Dear Warrior Officers Exes Police Officer Colorado Acts Of Violence Ex Wife

Author:Chris Hayes

“Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my wife. Let's just get that out in the open right now.' He didn't need to admit that. He's blind. Could have said it was an accident.”

Way Needs Firsts Said Guy Black Wife Right Now Blind My Wife Accidents Governors Cheated Lieutenants Black Guys Cheated On

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: "When you gonna wear these for me?" She goes, "I can't. They're your daughter's." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!" There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.”

Knows Men Littles Said I Can Helping Used Growing Up Pieces Wife Growing Happened Daughter My Wife Pairs Mice Folds Underwear Tag Your Daughter Panties Minnie Minnie Mouse

Author:Bill Engvall

“Such indeed is the superior longevity of the fair females of Surinam, compared to that of the males (owing chiefly, as I said, to their excesses of all sorts) that I have frequently known wives who have buried four husbands, but never met a man in this country who had survived two wives.”

Source: Narrative of a Five Years' Expedition, Against the Revolted Negroes of Surinam: In Guiana, on the Wild Coast of South America; from the Year 1772, to 1777: Elucidating the History of that Country, and Describing Its Productions ... with an Account of the Indians of Guiana, & Negroes of Guinea. By Captn. J. G. Stedman ... ...

“So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly.”

Knows Looks Doe Said Suffering Wife Tears Yeah My Wife Magazines Articles Belly Premature Ejaculation Premature Ejaculation

Author:Robert Schimmel

“I said to the president's wife, Vietnam is the main reason we are having trouble with the youth of America. It is a war without explanation or reason.”

Said War Reason America President Wife Trouble Youth Explanation Vietnam

Author:Eartha Kitt

“I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!'”

Said Bigs Wife Standards Dating Spending My Time Exes Divorced Rumor Ex Wife Dating Someone

Author:Marilyn Manson

“My wife called me a mule. She once said, "I didn't marry a man; I married a mule!" I kept thinking about it. It was in the back of my head. I think it makes a good title for an album.”

Thinking Men Said Wife Married Albums My Wife Titles Mules

Author:Tom Waits

“Our whole intention was to make a record of songs that we grew up with and change them up a little bit, but we kind of stumbled on writing "Joseph's Lullaby." The irony is when I originally wrote the song, it was called "Mary's Lullaby." I wrote it from Mary's standpoint and it was in a higher key, a real falsetto, and it just wasn't right. One day, the producer's wife said, "Well, it's kind of odd that you're singing from Mary's perspective, being the guy. Why don't you do Joseph?”

Writing Wells Kind Littles Said Real Whole Guy Song Bits Records Wife Perspective Keys Grew Higher One Day Little Bit Grew Up Singing Intention Producers Irony Odd Mary Standpoint Lullaby Falsetto

Author:Bart Millard

“My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.”

Want Firsts Wells Looks Made Said Done Facts Opportunity Wish Forever Wife Example Right Now Grateful My Wife Reactions Made It Down The Road Personal Time

Author:Warren Haynes

“In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any worse. You're the mother of my kids - I don't want to hate you.'”

Want Said Kids Mother Hate Wife Divorce Hey Hate You Exes Cheated Stood Up Messed Up Ex Wife I Cheated

Author:Kevin Hart

“I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'”

Looks Said Facts Shows Home Reality America Next President Watches Wife Exciting Vices Familiar Interviews Charlie Vice President Mccain Palin Reality Shows

Author:Jay Leno

“When I was at Valencia my wife said that we would win the league. She was right and to mark the occasion she asked me for a new watch. I bought her the watch, but then she said that we would win the UEFA Cup and that when we did she wanted another watch. Now she says that we will win the Champions League and that she will want an even more expensive watch. My wife has a lot of confidence and a lot of watches.”

Want Said Wanted Winning Watches Wife Mark My Wife Cups Occasions League Champion Expensive Champions League We Will Win Valencia

Author:Rafael Benitez