Home / Authors / Ray Romano

Ray Romano

Ray Romano Quotes

Actor

Ray Romano, born on December 21, 1957, is a renowned American actor. He is best known for his role in the television series 'Everybody Loves Raymond', for which he won numerous awards. Romano's comedic style is highly appreciated by audiences.

Filter quotes by topic

All Knows Ifs Want Kids Thinking Funny Shows Children Feels Wife

Famous Ray Romano Quotes

“Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.”

Sound Waitress Flappers

Author:Ray Romano

“If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it's good to be married to someone who's not impressed with that at all.”

Ifs Knows Amount Fame Married Impressed Being Married Not Impressed

Author:Ray Romano

“My wife gets so jealous. She came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.”

Home Girl Wife Mad My Wife Jealous Bus Pretty Girl

Author:Ray Romano

“In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.”

Thinking Way Sex Comedy Noise

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“I have this mistress: show business. I get a lot of love and adulation from outside, and [my wife] lets me have that, while she does all the real-life stuff that counts making sure the kids are going to school and all that. I married a saint well, a saint who curses.”

Wells Doe Real Shows Kids School Stuff Wife Married Let Me Saint My Wife Real Life Curse Show Business Mistress Adulation

Author:Ray Romano

“I had a very Italian house - the "plastic furniture you couldn't sit on" house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it's traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one's ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.”

Use Shows Happens Kids Mother House Waiting Special China Dinner Occasions Italian Museums Plastic Pope Furniture Towels Special Occasion

Author:Ray Romano

“Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.”

Littles Causes Boys Yeah Photograph Glad Twins Identical Little Boys Saving Money Identical Twin

Author:Ray Romano

“My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar.”

Said Daughter My Daughter Assembly Jars Tricycles

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.”

Feels Comedy Balance Drama Best Comedy

Author:Ray Romano

“People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.”

People Thinking Parent Realizing Twenties Nine Saving Money Lame Basements

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“My career has been my craziest adventure.”

Has Beens Careers Adventure Craziest

Author:Ray Romano

“If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.”

Ifs Knows Sex Taxes Dues Drivers License

Author:Ray Romano

“Whenever I get down about life going by too quickly, what helps me is a little mantra that I repeat to myself: at least I'm not a fruit fly.”

Littles Helping Fruit Repeats Help Me Mantras Fruit Flies

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“Sex after one child shows down. After twins... ooh... I'll tell you what it is for us. I'll share it with you. Every three months. We don't plan it that way. That's just how it works out. It's the weirdest thing. You know what I do? Every time I have sex, the next day I pay my estimated tax. My quarterlies are due. If it's oral sex, I renew my driver's license.”

Ifs Knows Way Children Shows Three Next Sex Pay Plans Share Months Taxes Work Out Dues Drivers Twins Next Day License Three Months

Author:Ray Romano

“I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.”

Shows Five Week New York Source Seven Income Sole Saturday Friday

Author:Ray Romano

“When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.”

Want Needs Seems Kids Form Common Audience Comedian Lacking Validation Common Denominator

Author:Ray Romano

“I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.”

Giving Mind Names Minutes Letters Tests Shrinks One Minute Alzheimer Alzheimer's

Author:Ray Romano

“Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That's how I want to love him - through pictures and folklore.”

Want Folklore I Love Him Afar Nephew

Author:Ray Romano

“The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.”

Knows Men Worry Wife Married Tiny Married Man

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive.”

Knows Important Sometimes Enough Kids Four Alive Sparks

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.”

Children Shows Attention Theory Show Business Deprived

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.”

Night House Fairy Italian Refrigerators

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.”

Minus Everybody Loves Raymond

Author:Ray Romano

“My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.”

Persons Hard Kids Accepting Growing Up Growing Acceptance Independent

Author:Ray Romano

“Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.”

Feels Littles Pain Young Bits Little Bit Each Day Ache Aches And Pains

Author:Ray Romano

“That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.”

Men Years Games One Thing Proud Twenties Neurosis Twenty One

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.”

Sometimes Home Remember Faces Wife Opposites Ass Feeding Cleaning

Author:Ray Romano

“Without identical twins, you'll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.”

Running Rooms Saws Brother Mirrors Hotel Length Twins Entering Identical Hotel Rooms Identical Twin

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.”

Ifs Thinking Years Believe Two Might Rooms Two Years Cows Believe In Me Twins Living Room Exaggeration Two Year Olds Airborne

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“The fact that they let me in a movie with Gene Hackman has left me with no faith in show buisness.”

Facts Shows Left Let Me Genes Buisness

Author:Ray Romano

“It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.”

Feels Feelings Comedy Starting Feel Good

Author:Ray Romano

“I'll be spending the holidays with my family. Nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.”

Light Special My Family Spending Holiday Sarcasm Biting Bickering

Author:Ray Romano

“I love hitting into the rough because it gets me close to the people.”

People Rough Hitting

Author:Ray Romano

“My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me, don't think it makes up for never saying it when we're alone.”

Ifs Thinking Said Winning Wife My Wife

Author:Ray Romano

“Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.”

Knows Writing Success Middle Fats Mike Neurotic Middle Aged

Author:Ray Romano

“I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.”

“You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.”

Thinking Knows Hate Drivers Hate Me Cab Limos Cab Drivers

Author:Ray Romano

“You know, a TV show is a slow build.”

Knows Shows Tvs Tv Shows

Author:Ray Romano

“Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.”

Able Courses Walks Jokes Golf Thank God Golf Course

Author:Ray Romano

“It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.”

Self Seems Common Self Esteem Lows Esteem Low Self Esteem Common Denominator

Author:Ray Romano

“In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.”

School Laughing Study Students Very Good Irresponsible Good Students

Author:Ray Romano

“I was at home waiting for projects. I was on Parenthood and there was one season left, and I was thinking, "What's next?" I'm at this age where I'm trying to write my own script, and they sent this over and I decided to put myself on tape.”

Thinking Writing Trying Home Age Next Left Waiting My Own Projects Decided Seasons Scripts Parenthood Tape

Author:Ray Romano

“I put myself on tape and the cool thing was that Martin Scorsese had never heard of me. He had never seen [Everybody Loves Raymond]. I was just an unknown actor to him. I don't want to sound conceited, like he has to know who I am, but that seemed a little odd. He's a film genius. He doesn't watch sitcoms.”

Knows Want Littles Film Actors Sound Watches Heard Genius Who I Am Odd Tape Sitcom Conceited Cool Things Scorsese Everybody Loves Raymond

Author:Ray Romano

“Mick Jagger also a music connoisseur and knows everything about that era. So, you knew the music side was going to be top-notch. It's HBO. On Men of Certain Age, if we wanted a song, it would break the bank. But, Vinyl can go all-out.”

Ifs Knows Men Age Wanted Certain Song Sides Break Eras Vinyl Hbo Notches Connoisseur Jagger Top Notch

Author:Ray Romano

“I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.”

Ifs Knows Want Guy Scene Everybody Loves Raymond

Author:Ray Romano

“It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.”

Trying Character Guy Happened Crazy Drunk Nerves Vegas That Guy Vinyl Threesome

Author:Ray Romano

“As an actor, that's nerve-wracking enough [drunk and doing coke] because you have to do it at the right level.”

Enough Actors Levels Drunk Nerves Coke

Author:Ray Romano

“I had to be naked [in Vinyl], but I was almost more nervous about having to be drunk. The director wasn't going to yell, "Too big!," during the nude scene. For the drunk scene, you can be bad drunk or good drunk. We'll see. My wife was not happy, hearing about it.”

Bigs Wife Scene Directors Hearing My Wife Naked Nervous Drunk Not Happy Vinyl

Author:Ray Romano

“For a sitcom sex scene, you get in bed and that's the end of the scene. It quick and it was fast, but it was foreign territory for me. Not for Bobby. Bobby Cannavale has been down that road before. With my character, I think it will be a one-and-out. I don't think you'll see my character [in Vinyl] naked again, so relax everybody.”

Thinking Has Beens Ends Character Sex Scene Bed Naked Relax Territory Sitcom Vinyl

Author:Ray Romano

“If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.”

Ifs Father Right Now Hug Accounting Fathers Day Accountants

Author:Ray Romano

About the Author

Born: December 21, 1957
Known for: Actor
Quotes: 95

Related Topics

Knows Ifs Want Kids Thinking Funny Shows Children Feels Wife

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Everything and a KiteRelated source material

Similar Authors

Rodney DangerfieldBrowse related quotes
Jim GaffiganBrowse related quotes
Chelsea HandlerBrowse related quotes
Chris RockBrowse related quotes
Demetri MartinBrowse related quotes
Emo PhilipsBrowse related quotes
Dylan MoranBrowse related quotes
Bill CosbyBrowse related quotes
Mitch HedbergBrowse related quotes
Woody AllenBrowse related quotes