Allyson Dinneen Books & Quotes

“Human beings are a highly social species with a long evolution that makes us desire both autonomy and connection. We need to grow and express our individuality freely--and at the same time, feel like we have people to rely on to love us and have our backs.”

Acceptance Individuality Belonging Autonomy Human Needs Human Evolution

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I sometimes get a little overwhelmed by change and need some time to emotionally catch up.”

Change Adjusting Feel Your Feelings

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I often think we're really seeking one main thing: people whose eyes, when they see us, light up with delight.”

Love Being Loved

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“To get back to the person I am, I had to reject so much of who I was told that I was.”

Autonomy Sense Of Self Self Concept Knowing Yourself

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“What do you want?' can be a surprisingly confusing or painful question if no one ever asked you that and really cared about your answer.”

Acceptance Choice Autonomy

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“Growing up required to obey--and not trust what I wanted or how I felt--set me up to be an adult whose default is to do what others want me to do when I shouldn't. That really hasn't been good for me.”

Autonomy Trusting Yourself

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“We don't have to pick up what others have laid down as true for us, and it's okay to live your life in a way that others don't accept or understand.”

Freedom Healing Self Determination Autonomy

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I think most people wish they could be more of who they are and still feel accepted. But it's understandably hard if, growing up, you were ignored or shamed for being yourself & rewarded when you conformed.”

Acceptance Masking

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I try to minimize the amount of time I spend around people who would like me better if I weren't me.”

Acceptance Confidence

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“PERFECTIONISM: You have to do everything right to be loved. LOVE: You don't have to do anything right to be loved.”

Love Acceptance Unconditional Love

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“You're not here to be perfect or to set a good example or to please anyone. You were born to love & enjoy your ordinary, peculiar, inconsistent, good-enough self.”

Love Acceptance Self Love Perfectionism

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“No matter who you are, life is desperately hard sometimes. People we love die, and the longer we live, the more we find that's worth grieving. People we trust abandon us. Happy times come to an end. Circumstances change in ways that hurt us. Emotional needs go unmet. Trust gets broken. We are forced to let go of people, places, and things we loved dearly. There's even grief in letting go of who we thought we were.”

Loss Grief Grieving

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“So much of our pain comes from having never been allowed to grieve what we've lost.”

Grief Healing Repression Toxic Positivity Feel Your Feelings

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“When we shut down certain feelings, it's easy to lose our natural relationship with them. But having feelings is an essential part of being human. They are the essence of who you are as a person, and without them it's hard to know important things about yourself like: who you are, what kind of relationships you want, what you want to do for work or purpose, what gives your life meaning. All of these things require having access to your feelings.”

Feelings Emotions Knowing Yourself Feel Your Feelings

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I wish I hadn't been taught that it was my job to make people happy all the time instead of that people are allowed to feel not happy.”

Feelings Healing Toxic Positivity

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“The good news: We can start practicing new skills in life anytime we want. Here are some examples of things I'm always practicing: 1. How to say what I mean, as simply as possible, and not make people guess (even if I think they should). 2. How to reach out when I want to shut down. 3. How to just let myself feel sad, lonely, confused, a mess, when I would rather do this thing I always do and check out. 4. How to not be impatient or careless with the feelings of people I love. 5. How to listen and not try to solve someone else's problems. 6. How to take a break when I'm overwhelmed, and promise to return to the conversation a little later.”

Feelings Healing Communication Self Care Emotional Regulation Attachment Theory Emotional Skills

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“People we love have difficult feelings. That's not something to fix or run away from. But accepting that can take practice if you grew up learning that painful feelings were some kind of failure.”

Feelings Healing Toxic Positivity

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“You don't have to 'get over' your feelings. Why shouldn't they take as long as they take?”

Feelings Healing Toxic Positivity

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“So often we're not allowed to feel upset--even for a minute--without the world rushing us to do something about it. But why can't I feel upset?”

Feelings Healing Toxic Positivity

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“Feelings are physiological messages, aka interoception--very simply, messages from your brain tracking your body's physical and emotional state. With this feedback on how I was doing, I got better at taking care of myself. And I felt less like I had to control things, because I didn't have to anticipate everything: I could just notice things as they happened.”

Feelings Healing Self Care Noticing Nervous System Need For Control Biofeedback Interoception

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“Feelings are just your body talking to you about how you're doing in the moment. Even if you've gotten used to ignoring them, they're still talking to you. Tune in to your breathing, and then your body, and then your emotions. It's a little thing that pays off big.”

Feelings Healing Self Care Nervous System Biofeedback Interoception

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“I used to feel so invisible as a kid. Now it's me who has to stop acting in relationships like I am invisible still.”

Relationships Healing Confidence Feeling Invisible

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“- Saying you need more time - Asking for help when you're overwhelmed by a "simple" task - Taking a break to process strong feelings - Asking not to be rushed... These are just emotional self-care skills you might not have been taught--or allowed--growing up. But you can teach yourself now if you want.”

Healing Self Care Emotional Skills

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

“You might not WANT to feel needy. But your nervous system is extremely evolved to drive you to seek safe emotional connection with others--and it has millions of years of a head start on your wish to be above that.”

Needs Nervous System Connection With People Connection To Others

Book:Notes From Your Therapist

Source: Notes From Your Therapist

Allyson Dinneen Books

Notes From Your Therapist

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