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Andrew Dice Clay

Andrew Dice Clay Books

Comedian

Andrew Dice Clay, born on September 29, 1957, is an influential American comedian known for his crude humor style. He gained significant success in the 1980s and early 1990s, with his albums and television specials widely popular. His work has had a profound impact on the comedy industry, sparking widespread discussions about humor and artistic freedom.

The Filthy Truth

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“Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.”

Way Feels Important Character Feelings Certain Black Stage Performers Jeans Jackets Leather Wardrobe Leather Jackets

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.”

Directors Producers

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.”

Voice Comedy Comic Props

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.”

People World Way Might Animal Jokes My Way

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“People have always been animals when it comes to sex. But since the Internet, it's become really out of control, in my opinion.”

People Sex Animal Opinion Internet

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny." Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic.”

Real Whole Care Mother Guy Asks Father Behinds Plans Rocks Becoming Exciting Don't Care Comic Comedian I Don't Care Dirty Rock And Roll Good Guy

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me.”

Knows Might Hours Watches Materials Performances Theater Tired Getting Tired

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, "What did I do wrong?" What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.”

Kids Parent Wonder Drug Symbols Pregnant Addict Chicks Drug Addict Status Symbol What Did I Do Wrong

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“When I got into comedy, which was really for acting, I would see the guys who would be considered great today. They were great, but after a few minutes I could get kind of bored because they wouldn't move around. The dress code was boring to me. I didn't want to see the guy next door when I'm watching a performer. I wanted to see someone I would pay a ticket for.”

Want Kind Would Be Today Wanted Moving Guy Next Pay Acting Comedy Doors Minutes Dresses Boring Code Bored Performers Tickets Dress Code

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.”

Want Years Might Water Blow Comic

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Women are now more aggressive than men! And I don't put them down for it. I think it's great. My attitude with sex with any woman I've ever been with is, I want you to be exactly who you want to be behind closed doors. Don't ever hold back with me.”

Thinking Men Want Sex Behinds Attitude Doors Aggressive I Want You My Attitude Closed Doors Behind Closed Doors

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl is aggressive. It's just sex.”

Ifs Mind Problem Girl Sex Aggressive Down The Road

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her too special. They shut her off, and having sex before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you're supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out.”

Thinking Men Feels Reason Remember Girl Sex Sleep Special Bed Married Treats Pills That Girl Having Sex Sleeping Pills

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“You walk into my bedroom at night, it looks like a nightclub. There's all kinds of lighting effects, there's all kinds of music. I want them to feel like they're in for a show. I believe in romance.”

Want Feels Believe Looks Kind Shows Romance Night I Believe Walks Effects I Believe In All Kinds Bedroom Lighting Nightclubs

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I just love the whole art form of acting, of being in front of a camera and playing different things. Not that I would ever say I'm the greatest actor in the world, but I am capable of playing different kinds of roles that emotionally I could get into.”

World Kind Art Different Whole Form Actors Acting Roles Fronts Capable Cameras Different Things Different Kinds

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.”

Journey Life Journey

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, "As long as I can walk and I'm healthy, there's always tomorrow."”

Long I Can Life Is Parent Realizing Walks Tomorrow Healthy Funeral Precious Life How Precious Life Is

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.”

People Doe Happens Odd Odd Things Depressed People

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“As long as you can walk the street and you know there's a tomorrow, there's always that chance. That's how I've always been. I've always had complete belief that I would make something out of myself again, because to me, it's always been about accomplishment.”

Knows Long Belief Chance Walks Streets Tomorrow Accomplishment

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.”

People Knows Problem Today Choices No Problem

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much; I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that.”

People Thinking Knows Want Looks Littles Too Much Needed Waste Computer Get Up Addresses Mail

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.”

People Laughing Nervous Performing Excitement

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.”

Want Real Shows Girl Bed Real Girl

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I always wanted to give people the more exciting version of what I think a comedian should be - because I didn't grow up with comics, I grew up with rock 'n' roll. And when I saw a lot of comics, no matter how good they might have been material-wise, I would get a little bored with them after 10 minutes, only because I feel comedians don't really know performance.”

“There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.”

Giving Attitude Materials Exciting Crowds Delivering Macho

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.”

Gay Unconstitutional

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.”

Care Hey I Care Jerk

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.”

Important Romance Stuff Always Believe Loving A Woman

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I always believed you could fix whatever problems.”

Problem Always Believe

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of.”

Giving Able Wanted Parent Growing Up Growing My Family My Sister

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.”

Ifs Knows Mean Kids Wife Please Husband Okay My Wife Girlfriend Plus

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story.”

Ends Stories Life Is Sex Baby Life Is Like

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?”

Thinking Men Kissing Sticks Fingers More Money Pussy

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.”

Ifs Fishes Smell Dishes Cologne

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“You gotta be happy when you wake up in the morning and look at what's next to ya. You wanna just hop on it again. That's how I feel. That's what life is about. Because when you leave the house, it's all misery anyway.”

Feels Looks Life Is Next House Morning Wake Up Misery Hops

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.”

World Different Whole Language Changed Currents Whole World

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.”

People Long Keys Dirty Say Anything

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I make people laugh hard; I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, "I'll be dirty and they'll laugh." Nobody's becoming a superstar that way.”

People Way Matter Hard Laughing Subjects Becoming Paint Comic Dirty Subject Matter Making People Laugh Superstar Filthy

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.”

Ifs Made Shows Voice Behinds Made It Show Business Outfits Gaga

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“All the subject matter I talk about isn't new; all comics talk about the same things. But it's how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one.”

Looks Matter Differences Subjects Okay Comic Subject Matter Great Ones

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life. You know what I mean? I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands.”

Knows Mean Stills Real Body Running My Own Animal Millions Streets Real Life Hills Brooklyn Recluse Errands

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I'm very much in touch with the world.”

People Thinking World Recluse

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“When I did a sitcom and played a postman, I was brought to tears playing that postman, because I felt like one. I didn't grow up even wanting to be a post man. Now, I understand the meaning of the term "postal." I was bored to tears. And what was funny was that the producer actually looked like a bug.”

Men Grows Felt Term Growing Up Tears Producers Posts Bored Bugs Sitcom Postman

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make?" And then it would just fail.”

Knows Wanted Stuff Careers Know How Failing Brilliant Managers

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don't know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they've become the aggressors. You know? They're upset if you're not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don't like them.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Way Firsts Matter Today Half Know How Balls Upset Pigs Chicks Half Way First Date Aggressors

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“You know, women are acting the way they want to act now. Years ago they would hide it in the way they dressed, the way they speak, even the way they act in bed. Today, they're doing the same thing, but they're dressing the way they want to be treated and, when you're with them, acting the way they want to act. And you know, honesty is the best policy. I love that.”

Knows Way Want Years Today Speak Acting Honesty Policy Bed Years Ago Treated Dressings Honesty Is The Best Policy

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway.”

Knows Want Mean Doe Today House Church Animal Six Ass Print Bites Inches I Want You Ceilings Going To Church Stilettos

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I certainly don't walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it's a constant.”

Home Language Walks Stage My Family Constant Profane

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.”

Thinking Done Turns Sex Football Gay Being Gay

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

“There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!”

Kids Shoes Old Lady Uterus

Author:Andrew Dice Clay

About the Author

Born: September 29, 1957
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 58

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