Andrew Smith Biography & Quotes

“I came unglued and went back together the wrong way and fell apart again.”

Feelings Fear Emotion Depression Anxiety Stress Mental Health Fall Apart Rabbit Robot

“And if we were stuck here forever - and maybe this was just a naturally morbid thought for a teenage boy- I wondered who among us would die first and who ultimately would be left alone.”

Death Dark Boys Alone Teens Teenagers Morbid Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“History chews up sexually uncertain boys, and spits us out as recycled, generic greeting cards for lonely old men.”

Men Boys History Lonely Sexually Uncertain

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“We made this stupid rule and this stupid rule. Boys are not allowed to love each other. Then we painted a bison on the wall.”

Love Boys Gay Rules Bison

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“There is something inside all boys that drives us to go away again and again and again.”

Boys Grasshopper Jungle

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“If it's impossible to understand how I could kick a weeping, torn-in-half cog that was gushing something that looked like tapioca pudding and whale semen on my nice shiny space suit, then you probably never kicked a car for getting a flat tire, or slapped a television remote when the batteries were getting weak, in which case you'll never understand what it means or meant to be a human.”

Life Philosophy Humor Funny Technology Comedy Human Machines Robots Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“And maybe that's the whole point, after all - that everyone of us who existed spent all those limitless days over the thousands of centuries we were here just trying to figure out what it meant to be us. The mousetrap trigger is this precise point: Pour the word us into the coding of a human, and we immediately discount as inferior or useless all the not-us things in the universe. Are you one of us?”

Life Philosophy Death Universe Human Us Group Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“It's still home, Cager, and there's something about home, no matter how untidy we've left it.”

People Life Humans Home Earth House Family Messy Mother Earth Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“Worry and regret are both useless weights that provide no drag. They never did anything to slow down the planet for one goddamned second.”

Worry Regret

Book:100 Sideways Miles

Source: 100 Sideways Miles

“Nonsense. You aren’t alive to begin with,” I pointed out. “Suck it up and make the best of it, Milo. The future is bright, I assure you.” “We come into existence, and we float through space, doomed, until we all die horribly. No reason to live at all.” Milo the busboy wept uncontrollably. He probably knew more than I did, but who can say?”

Life Death Existence Cry Future Sad Depressed Weep Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“You fill my sombrero with sexual pudding!”

Humor Funny Sex Comedy Sexy Joke Weird Sexual Random Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“And never farting pointed to guilt in the courthouse of my mind.”

Humor Funny Comedy Joke Weird Random Farting Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“Clocks are as pointless on the Tennessee as poets are on Earth.”

Writing Humans Humor Earth Funny Time Space Poets Clocks Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“What kind of world did our fathers abandon us to?”

World Life Kids Earth Family Growing Up Parents Teenagers Fathers Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“All good books are about everything, abbreviated.”

Reading Books Everything

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“YOU KNOW HOW WHEN you’re a senior in high school, and you officially know absolutely everything about everything and no one can tell you different, but on the other hand, at the same time, you’re dumber than a poorly translated instruction manual for a spoon?”

Life High School Stand Off

Author:Andrew Smith

“We only think of days and months to keep track of times that aren't now. Fuck days. Fuck months. This was how it was going to be from now on: forever.”

Years Time Forever Months Endless Infinity Calendars Days Rabbit Robot

Author:Andrew Smith

“That day, getting through my world was like trying to swim in a pool of warm mayonnaise while carrying two bowling balls.”

Funny Comedy Sick Tired Day Days Mayonnaise Winger Andrew Smith Bowling Balls

Author:Andrew Smith

“And you can't see around corners. so you just have to deal with it, and try to stay afloat. And things get tough. And you're supposed to grow up. And it's all a bunch of bullshit. Sorry.”

Life Tough Confession Bullshit Letter Grow Up Winger Andrew Smith Afloat

Author:Andrew Smith

“Readers of history may decide that joking while two guys are driving around through a town that has recently been slaughtered by six-foot-tall praying mantis beasts with shark-tooth-studded arms is in poor taste. It is. But that is exactly what real boys have always done when confronted with the brutal aftermath of warfare.”

Love War Laughter Sci Fi Andrew Smith Grasshopper Jungle

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“I know it's kind of ridiculous, but I realize now how wrong that old pervert Mr. Wellins is. Almost nothing at all is ever about sex, unless you never grow up, that is. It's about love, and maybe not having it. What an old, delusional idiot he is. But what do I know? I'm just fourteen.”

Love Life Young Sex Meaning Idiot Teen Fourteen Winger Andrew Smith

Author:Andrew Smith

“Coffee is a girl who never tells a boy no.”

Love Sex Coffee Saying No

Book:Grasshopper Jungle

Source: Grasshopper Jungle

“Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.”

Humor Funny Sensible Teens Gross Weird Teenagers Sexual Random Condoms Nuclear Waste Eww Teen Sexuality

Author:Andrew Smith

“You know, nothing ever goes back exactly the way it was. Things just expand and contract. Like the universe, like breathing. But you'll never fill your lungs up with the same air twice. Sometimes, it would be cool if you could pause and rewind and do over. But I think anyone would get tired of that after one or two times.”

Winger

Author:Andrew Smith

“I said a silent prayer. Actually, silent is probably the only type of prayer a guy should attempt when his head's in a toilet.”

Winger

Author:Andrew Smith

“The same words that make the horrible things come also tell the quieter things about love.”

Love Winger Andrew Smith

Author:Andrew Smith

“Joey threw a rock too. “Yep,” he said. “You know, nothing ever goes back exactly the way it was. Things just expand and contract. Like the universe, like breathing. But you’ll never fill your lungs up with the same air twice. Sometimes, it would be cool if you could pause and rewind and do over. But I think anyone would get tired of that after one or two times.”

Joey Winger

Author:Andrew Smith

“after midnight Just words. No more pictures. No charts or plays or poems. Now it's just about the words.”

Winger

Author:Andrew Smith

“Just as I opened the door from the boys’ floor, I stumbled onto Mr. Farrow and that freakishly unhot witch from downstairs, Mrs. Singer. Together. Standing at the landing on the tenantless girls’ floor. They were kissing, and it wasn’t one of those innocent oh-hello-you-frosty-and-cadaverous-old-hag-from-downstairs-so-nice-to-see-you-this-afternoon pecks on the cheek, either.”

Humor Winger

Author:Andrew Smith

Andrew Smith Biography

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