Quotessence
Home / Authors / Bill Maher
Bill Maher

Bill Maher Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllPeopleIfsThinkingKnowsRepublicanSaidAmericaWantCountryPresidentWayMenBelieveWeekWorldYearsReligionGuyNeedsHumor

Famous Bill Maher Quotes

“I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good... They've midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think "Penny Lane" is worth 10 dead kids... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it.”

ThinkingKnowsMeanChildrenSaidIdeasDoneKidsSongSidesDarkSacrificeDrugMoonProtectGood IdeasPenniesLanesDark SideProtecting Children
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“Naturally the smart thing to do to solve your economic woes is to demonize the Democrats. And of course, Sarah Palin is more than happy to oblige. She's been saying that Obama hangs out with terrorists. And you know, I think the evangelical lady who's in a video getting blessed by a witch doctor, who's married to a secessionist, and can't name a newspaper -- she's right, Obama is scary.”

ThinkingKnowsCoursesNamesEconomicMarriedSmartDoctorsBlessedDemocratScarySolveTerroristNewspapersVideoThings To DoHanging OutWitchWoeDoctor WhoEvangelicalPalinWitch Doctors
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“It takes the youth, really; they're the ones that should have the energy, it shouldn't be the old geezers, but the signs are very worrying. Half of them, apparently, don't believe in global warming. They think it's a hoax, which is more of that stupid, stick-their-head-in-the-sand attitude. Where is the outrage at the generations that have preceded them spending all the money? But the cynicism is so deep and so ingrained; I guess no one feels they can do anything.”

ThinkingFeelsShouldBelieveEnergyCan DoHalfAttitudeWorryGenerationsStupidYouthShould HaveSticksDon't BelieveSpendingGlobal WarmingSandCynicismOutrageHoaxes
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years ago, spent three days in the hospital, and maybe she has brain damage. You know, I don’t recall the Republicans being this concerned with mental fitness during the years when Reagan was talking to house plants in the White House.”

ThinkingKnowsYearsThreeHouseWhiteBrainTalkingCoupleRepublicanConcernedYears AgoPlantClintonDamageHospitalsWhite HouseRecalls
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“Now that they've finished reading the Constitution out loud, the Teabaggers must call out that group of elitist liberals whose values are so antithetical to theirs. I'm talking of course about the Founding Fathers, who the Teabaggers believe are just like them, but aren't. One is a group of exclusively white men who live in a bygone century, have bad teeth, and think of blacks as 3/5 of a person, and the other are the Founding Fathers.”

ThinkingMenBelievePersonsValuesCoursesReadingFatherWhiteTalkingGroupsCenturyConstitutionFinishedTeethLoudWhite ManFoundingElitist
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“I want you teabaggers out there to understand one thing: while you idolize the Founding Fathers and dress up like them, and smell like them, I think it's pretty clear that the Founding Fathers would have hated your guts. And what's more, you would've hated them. They were everything you despise. They studied science, read Plato, hung out in Paris and thought the Bible was mostly bulls**t.”

ThinkingWantFatherClearOne ThingDressesSmellHatedParisGutsDespiseI Want YouHungPlatoFoundingBulls
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency. I know they're saying, 'Why are you thanking me? I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.' And America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'”

ThinkingKnowsMenWantSaidMomentsHelpingCareAmericaFatherBlackSawsBirthGunCalmHipsTeaHealth CareBagsPresidencyCostumesFoundingCertificatesBirth CertificateTea Bag
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.”

IfsThinkingKnowsMenBelieveTodayPainDifferencesHellAdultsBuiltScaredTalesBurningFairyFairy TaleWhalesBurning In Hell
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head.”

PeopleIfsThinkingLooksChildrenKidsAgeBuildingMinesAdultsResponsibleFlyingPlanesJustifyDisorderInitiativeBeing ResponsibleSmall ChildFaith BasedNeurological Disorders
Author:Bill Maher
Create image

“And what is the Republican solution to these outrageous [racial] inequalities? There isn't one. And that's the point. Denying racism is the new racism. To not acknowledge those statistics, to think of that as a 'black problem' and not an American problem. To believe, as a majority of FOX viewers do, that reverse-racism is a bigger problem than racism, that's racist.”

ThinkingBelieveProblemBlackRepublicanRacismSolutionsBiggerMajorityInequalityAcknowledgeRacistStatisticsReverseFoxesViewersOutrageousBigger Problems
Author:Bill Maher
Create image