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Famous Bonnie Badenoch Quotes

“Even though we have been so influenced by the left hemisphere's ascendency, we also have an inherent capacity to be rooted in the relational right because we are, after all, first, last, and always beings whose embodied brains hunger for connection with others, literally shaping one another's ongoing experience in every moment.”

HealingTrustTherapyMental Health RecoveryRight HemisphereHealing Left DominanceHope In A Left Dominant World
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Embodiment of any of these principles is likely a lifetime's work, and it is also true that the small steps we take in that direction often yield substantial increases in connection.”

HealingTrustPatienceMental HealthConnectionEmbodied SafetyPolyvagal TherapyTips For TherapistsSelf Care For HelpersTips For Helpers
Book:The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Play: Brain-Building Interventions for Emotional Well-Being
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“This is where all the work we have done with ourselves to sense the connection between our bodily sensations and implicit memories comes to help our person. Our conviction that this is the doorway to the deeper places provides a foundation, through resonance, for him to slow down and attend to his body.”

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Book:The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Group Psychotherapy and Group Process
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“We stayed with the one who felt dead inside, acknowledging his protective value, even though we had no cognitive awareness of who and what he was sheltering ... 'What is this depression, this one who is so still, wanting to tell us?”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Joshua is one of the people who taught me about respecting pace, particularly when it is very slow. I do believe we all heal as quickly as we can given the co-integrating nature of our embodied brains, so when the process unfolds very slowly, it often speaks to us of the magnitude of what is coming [emerging to be healed].”

HealingRespectPaceNonviolenceConsentHealing TraumaPerson Centered
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Bit by bit, our people begin to embody the changed anticipation of being cared for and treated with kindness and respect. Part of what strengthens this new way of being comes from us having co-internalized one another. We continue to be their reflective companion on the outside, and they will also feel how we continue to carry them with us in our inner world. It is quite beautiful to watch this healing unfold, often revealing itself as changes in body, feeling, behavior, relational choices first, then later affirmed in more frequent words of tenderness toward themselves.”

HopeHealingRespectAttachmentCo RegulationHealing RelationshipsInternalization
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“These two viewpoints offer us different ways of orienting to the world that lead to strikingly different values, ways of relating, and behaviors ... The essence of the right-hemisphere perspective involves attending to relationship, embodiment, and what is unfolding in the unique moment in the space between. We could say that from this viewpoint, the central metaphor here is living beings in relationship with each other in this moment. In contrast, the left-hemisphere viewpoint steps out of the relational moment to focus on division, fixity, disembodiment, and the creation of algorithms (standardized step-by-step solutions to problems that do not take individuality and context into account). The central metaphor here is the machine, with our bodies, our brains and our very selves viewed as mechanisms to be analyzed and shaped. We might immediately sense that the perspective of each hemisphere has substantial consequences for how we are able to be present with one another.”

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Author:Bonnie Badenoch
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“As we make the journey inward with our people, we will come to the next challenge to our compassion: those inner community members who have actively bought harm to the young ones inside. This is such tender territory, a place where we need to acknowledge the suffering our people have sustained without demonizing and alienating the ones who bought it, for they are now part of the ones in our care as well. This can be radical inclusiveness at its most healing, widening our joined windows of tolerance to truly accept every part.”

HopeHealingRelationshipChildhood AbuseRestorative JusticeRadical InclusivenessWindow Of ToleranceDomestic Violence Recovery
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“For me, hearing a relational history at the beginning of our work helps me form pictures of some encounters that bought pain and others that offered empathic support. Early in life, who comforted this person? Who kept her safe? Who was distant? Who needed her to regulate them? Who felt dangerous? Who bought confusion or chaos? Who criticized and who was accepting? We might quickly discover that one person brought contradictory experiences - the confusing one also comforted, or the dangerous one at home was a primary support of safety in the outside world. All this helps us begin to feel into the qualities of relatedness our person has taken in.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“The majority of research-related articles I read move automatically towards suggestions for doing something to the brain - finding new medications, applying techniques to train the brain, and other ways of treating the brain like an object that is separate from ourselves. In addition to this objectification, there is perhaps the greater danger that when we are viewing ourselves or another that way, we have already stepped away from being truly present, so the person being so scrutinized will not feel safe or have a felt sense of being heard, seen, or held. This includes our relationship with ourselves.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“In various paradigms of practice, we have called these protectors "defenses" or "resistances", as though they were objects that needed to be moved out of the way. This is understandable, because we see that these parts of ourselves sometimes cause injury if we view them only from the outer perspective, without opening to the ways they are sheltering our inner world.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“We are often so eager to support others, while our culture and even the conditions of our practices make it difficult to imagine or seek support for ourselves. We aren't meant to carry suffering alone.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Each time we offer a reflection, we are also quietly repairing/disconfirming attachment wounds that always contain elements of our parents or others not being able to see us because of their own injuries.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Traumas embed when our system is overwhelmed by pain and fear without having sufficient internal resources or companionship to help integrate the experience ... Our people may see others being present, but as either unavailable for support or actively injurious, or the experience may have been so terrifying that even had someone tried to help, our people might not have been able to receive it ... what remains now is a sense of isolation with the remaining anguish and terror. Over the years, I have found that as soon as a sense of accompaniment enters the memory, there is a new foundation for doing the work. Just as our people have internalized those who injured them, that same capacity can bring us inside to support processing the emotions and to resolve this primary wound of being alone.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“It wasn't that I gave up on her healing, but, as she continued to struggle to get in the door and actively needed her self-hatred to stay functional, I began to realize more deeply that her patterns had meaning and that it wasn't useful for me to predetermine what recovery might look like for her.”

HealingSelf LoveResistanceSelf AcceptancePresenceSelf HatredSelf HarmRadical AcceptancePsychological Safety
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“It makes sense for us to want a symptom, an 'it' to go away. If we begin to sense that we are made up of many selves ... then we might instead say, 'the anxious part of me is really suffering. I wonder how we might help her'. There is often a palpable softening as we gaze on a person inside who has value apart from the distressing symptom. We also may sense more clearly that this experience isn't all of us, but belongs to a part who has had encounters that give this anxiety context and meaning. The change of pronoun, granting personhood, may move us into a more right-centric way of perceiving, which also opens us to a more both/and perspective of broad acceptance, arouses our warm curiosity, expands receptivity to the present moment. It can really be a very profound change.”

HealingSelf AcceptanceSelf CompassionPerson CenteredPartsSafe Presence
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“We can perhaps hold both the desire to separate from these bodily memories and the willingness to be with them in the broad embrace of welcome and compassion. I do believe this kind of acceptance is a lifetime's work that inevitably leads to 'failure' at times. Our biology wants to protect us from what may harm us, and the arising of implicit memory can feel quite threatening. If we can soften towards our own tendency to want to move away and offer to begin again with gestures of inclusion, this is likely what is possible and optimal for us humans. Humility and grace are perhaps the gifts of this tension, gifts that we can then extend to our people in the form of honoring their struggle.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“The bodily experience we have taken in from [other people that our body has internalized as 'imported parts'] will affect our muscles, belly and heart brains, autonomic nervous system, eyes, ears and vocal cords when they are active in us. While carrying this much of others can feel like an overwhelming burden, it is also the open door to healing, since their aliveness inside us means they can be touched with the ... care that others might offer us.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“The depth at which we take in the preceding generations astonishes me. There is likely an epigenetic component to this as well as transmission through the internalizations that get passed down through the generations. Whole cultures are carried forward that way, so it makes sense that family legacies might be transmitted that way as well.”

HopeHealingIntergenerational TraumaEpigeneticsFamily Violence Cycle
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“All of us develop the protections our implicit memories need to keep what are perceived to be worse dangers from us. ... Our initial work is ... about respectfully acknowledging that our people's system is acting wisely in this moment, no matter what it looks like on the outside. Holding this firmly in our own body, heart and mind is of inestimable benefit to those who come to us.”

HealingSelf HarmReactionImplicit MemoryBody WisdomEmbodied SafetyAddition
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“... when an experience is too strong for our current internal and external regulatory resource to manage ... [chemical changes activate to] tuck these pathways into our ... body. In this way, our ongoing lives are protected from the constant incursion of the raw pain and fear and the injured parts of ourselves are partly shielded from new injury. We might say they have been enwombed, awaiting the arrival of support. At the same time, the memories also remain malleable enough that they can be touched and awakened, which is essential for healing. However, we also remain vulnerable to them being brought into activity when support isn't available... a frowning face (man or woman), certain breathing patterns, and even sensory fragments (the color of a person's shirt or hair, the smell of alcohol on someone's breath) all have some probability of awakening the terror. The widely dispersed individual streams that make up these memories are all gathered into the neural net that formed at the time of the initial experience, and when our outer or inner world tugs on any strand, there is some probability that more of the neural net will open, bringing the rush of embodied feelings. Most often, the explicit memory does not arrive at the same time, so there is no context for the flood of sensations and emotions, which feels as if they are related to what is happening right now .... What can look like an out-of-proportion response to what is happening in the moment is exactly in proportion to what is unfolding internally. If we sense this so deeply that this knowing is viscerally available when our patients are having strong emotional experiences, we will be able to offer them acknowledgement of the validity of their experience rather than having to control or change it.”

HopeUnderstandingHealingTraumaImplicit MemoryEmbodied SafetyOut Of Proportion Reaction
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“The seminal work of Stephen Porges ... suggests that presence becomes possible when there is a felt sense of safety ... When we are in the role of practitioner, if our autonomic nervous system is receiving what it needs to have a neuroception of safety (our system's felt sense, below the level of conscious awareness, that we are safe) then our social engagement system (the ventral vagal parasympathetic) will be alive in the room as our patients arrive. In this state, we become a potentially safe landing strip for them. When we are able to offer this safe haven, the possibility of the other person moving toward a similar felt sense of safety awakens the healing space between us through resonance.”

HealingMental HealthPresenceNervous SystemPolyvagal TherapyTips For TherapistsParasympathetic Nervous SystemTips For Psychologists
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“This shift from intellectual to embodied compassion is at the heart of deep forgiveness, or what we call compassionate release that gives us the gift of not needing to fend off the ones who hurt us anymore. It is a letting go at a different depth.”

HealingForgivenessAuthenticTrauma HealingEmbodied HealingFamily Violence HealingRestorative Process
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“How we speak about the awakening of these memories may influence the ferocity with which they arrive ... One therapist says this: 'even the gentlest sensory breeze can touch and awaken these old memories in our bodies. We are so tender and so available for healing.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Prior to implicit healing, our protectors are responding to the magnitude of pain they need to sequester. It is as though they are facing mainly inward to keep track of the suffering there while devoting just enough resources to the outside world to modulate the degree of protection needed according to the emerging moment. That is why our responses can sometimes look wildly out of proportion to those only seeing our outer circumstances. As we heal, there is less need for protection from implicit wounds, so more of our protective resources can be devoted to the needs of the current moment.”

HealingMental HealthProportionReactionOverreactionImplicit Healing
Author:Bonnie Badenoch
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“If ... we hear ourselves speaking words that convey attunement to the process unfolding in this moment--a felt sense of receiving, cultivating, believing, supporting and trusting--we are more apt to be attending from the right with support from the left. This way of experiencing may also be coupled with attention to felt sense, comfort with being rather than pressure to do, and a respect for the undulating rise and fall of healing that unfolds naturally in the space between. When we are in this mode, we have a tendency to speak more tentatively and to check in with our relational partner about how he or she is receiving what we are offering. This past part is particularly important because it reflects our growing felt-sense awareness that the system of the person we are helping knows more about what needs to happen next than we do. In addition to the humility and respect this engenders, we may also notice that instead of wanting to get rid of some state, we are more apt to acknowledge its meaningfulness and be present to it just as it is. Listening in this way, the so-called negative state may reveal itself as telling an important truth and become an opening toward healing. We may also be aware of the limitation and incompleteness of words, leading us to honor silence as well.”

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Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“The challenge - which is also at the centre - is that what illuminates the process of letting go of certainty, control, planning, clear-cut goals, and so much more may feel settling even as it separates us from those we want to help. This letting go requires cultivation in the trust of the innate processes that support the movement towards healing, something that grows with time and experience, especially when compassion for this depth of challenge to our need for security is present.”

HealingMental HealthSelf Compassion For TherapistsPerson Centered TherapySelf Care For Therapists
Book:The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
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“Only if we are able to widen the lens to take in the bigger picture that includes both the outer challenges and the inner distress do we begin to sense that the protectors are in proportion to what is in need of shelter. It is our system's sense that moving the safeguard aside and allowing the implicit to emerge would be more harmful than whatever the protector is doing in this moment.”

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Author:Bonnie Badenoch
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