Dark Jar Tin Zoo Books & Quotes

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.”

Love Writing God Humor Funny Sex Relationships Transformation Absence Writer Editing Lover Amazement Transform Amazing Word Junkies Commas Sex God

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.”

Men Love Humor Funny Romance Sex Women Relationships Sleep Focus Romantic Intense Intensity Sleeping Make Love Reserve Word Junkies Not Romantic

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.”

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”

Love Humor Funny Relationships Honesty Food Dinner Word Junkies

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.”

Love Humor Funny Value Worthy Worth Medal Bronze Word Junkies Silver Medal

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.”

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.”

Love Life Humor Funny Names Sex Money Responsibility Trust Baby Birth Irresponsible Babies Condoms Baby Names Fiscally Irresponsible

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.”

Love Life Humor Age Funny Death Time Relationships Food Absurd Old Age Nonsense Retirement Cannibal Cannibalism Leftovers Retirement Home

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.”

Love Humor Funny Politics Sex Congress Corruption Politicians

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.”

Life Humor Funny Relationships Sleep Dreams Dreaming Sleeping Word Junkies

Book:I Had a Dream About You

Source: I Had a Dream About You

“I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, towards the end of the dream, the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating, my eyes shot open, and I realized it was a dream. “Of course it’s a dream,” I thought. “The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered.””

Life Humor Funny Relationships Sleep Dreams Dreaming Sleeping

Book:I Had a Dream About You

Source: I Had a Dream About You

“I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.”

Life Humor Funny Relationships Sleep Dreams Dreaming Sleeping

Book:I Had a Dream About You

Source: I Had a Dream About You

“I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.”

Life Humor Funny Relationships Sleep Dreams Dreaming Sleeping

Book:I Had a Dream About You

Source: I Had a Dream About You

“I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).”

Love Humor Funny Sex Brick And Blanket Test Brick And Blanket Uses

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.”

Love Sound Voice Relationships Forget Memory Listen Never Amy Hear Once Inaudible

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.”

Love Life Humor Funny Sex Relationships Bed Clarity Making Love Animated Mannequin

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.”

Love Humor Funny Sex Food Fruit Naughty Condom Banana Peel

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.”

Love Life Humor Funny Death Relationships Murder Game Word Junkies

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.”

Love Humor Funny Sex Dog Animals Dogs Unrelated

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.”

Love Humor Funny Numbers Rate Deception Deceit Deceived Question Rating Answer Delirious Scale

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.”

Humor Funny Sex Sleep

Book:Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Source: Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo Books

Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically...

I Had a Dream About You

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