“Parents vary in their sense of what would be suitable repayment for creating, sustaining, and tolerating you all those years, andwhat circumstances would be drastic enough for presenting the voucher. Obviously there is no repayment that would be sufficient . . . but the effort to call in the debt of life is too outrageous to be treated as anything other than a joke.” YearsEnoughWould BeLife IsParentEffortCircumstancesCreatingJokesDebtTreatedSufficientVaryOutrageousSuitablePresentingSustainingDrasticVouchersRepayment Author:Frank Pittman
“Fathers who compete hard with their kids are monstrous. The father, for a throw-away victory, is sacrificing the very heart of hischild's sense of being good enough. He may believe he is making his son tough, as he was made tough by a similarly contending father, but he is only making his child desperate and mean like himself. Fathers must let their sons (and daughters) have their victories.” BelieveHeartMayMeanChildrenMadeHardEnoughKidsFatherSacrificeSonVictoryDaughterToughBe GoodDesperateGood EnoughMonstrousSon And DaughterContendingBeing Good Enough Author:Frank Pittman
“To insult a friend implies that you respect his masculinity enough to know he can take it without acting like a crybaby. The swapping of insults, like the fighting between brothers, becomes the seal of the male bonding.” KnowsEnoughFightingActingBrotherMalesInsultMasculinitySealsBondingSwappingCrybabies Author:Frank Pittman
“Our ability to fall in love requires enough comfort with our masculinity to join it with someone's femininity and feel enhanced. .. . If our mother made us feel secure and proud in our masculinity, then we want to find that again in our wife. If we are really comfortable with our mother, we can even marry a woman who is a friend rather than an adversary, and form a true partnership.” IfsWantFeelsMadeEnoughFormMotherFallAbilityWifeProudComfortComfortableFalling In LoveSecurePartnershipMasculinityFemininityAdversaries Author:Frank Pittman
“A real man doesn't have to run from his mother, and may even have to face the reality that no great deed is going to be great enough for him to ransom himself completely, and he may always be in his mother's debt. If he understands that . . . he won't have to feel guilty, and he won't have to please her completely. He can go ahead and be nice to her and let her be part of his life.” IfsMenFeelsMayRealEnoughRealityRunningFacesMotherNicePleaseDeedsDebtGuiltyBeing NiceReal MenRansom Author:Frank Pittman
“All those tough guys who want to scare the world into seeing them as men . . . who don't know how to be a man with a woman, only abrute or a boy, who fill up the divorce courts; all those corporate raiders and rain-forest burners and war starters who want more in hopes that will make them feel better; . . . are suffering from Father Hunger. They go through their puberty rituals day after day for a lifetime, waiting for a father to anoint them and say "Attaboy," to treat them as good enough to be considered a man.” KnowsMenWorldWantFeelsWarEnoughGuySufferingFatherWaitingBoysKnow HowSeeingToughRainTreatsCourtLifetimeHungerDivorceForestsCorporateGood EnoughRitualScareFeel BetterFatherhoodBe A ManPubertyStartersTough GuyRaiders Author:Frank Pittman
“The men who are messing up their lives, their families, and their world in their quest to feel man enough are not exercising truemasculinity, but a grotesque exaggeration of what they think a man is. When we see men overdoing their masculinity, we can assume that they haven't been raised by men, that they have taken cultural stereotypes literally, and that they are scared they aren't being manly enough.” ThinkingMenWorldFeelsEnoughTakenHavensHe ManExerciseAssumingRaisedScaredQuestsStereotypeMasculinityExaggerationManlyGrotesqueMessing Up Author:Frank Pittman
“Our father has an even more important function than modeling manhood for us. He is also the authority to let us relax the requirements of the masculine model: if our father accepts us, then that declares us masculine enough to join the company of men. We, in effect, have our diploma in masculinity and can go on to develop other skills.” IfsMenImportantEnoughFatherCompanyAcceptingEffectsGoes OnSkillsAuthorityModelsFunctionRelaxRequirementsManhoodMasculinityMasculineModelingOur FatherDiploma Author:Frank Pittman
“What we men share is the experience of having been raised by women in a culture that stopped our fathers from being close enough to teach us how to be men, in a world in which men were discouraged from talking about our masculinity and questioning its roots and its mystique, in a world that glorified masculinity and gave us impossibly unachievable myths of masculine heroics, but no domestic models to teach us how to do it.” MenWorldEnoughCultureFatherTalkingTeachShareModelsRootsRaisedMythQuestioningMasculinityMasculineDiscouragedBe A ManOur FatherMystique Author:Frank Pittman
“At the heart of the matter of masculine excess is a great longing for the love and approval of a father, a man who can tell another man that his masculinity is splendid enough and he can now relax.” MenHeartMatterEnoughFatherLongingRelaxExcessApprovalMasculinityMasculineSplendidAnother Man Author:Frank Pittman
“Character, not passion keeps marriages together long enough to do their work of raising children into mature, responsible, productive citizens.” ChildrenLongEnoughCharacterTogetherPassionCitizensResponsibleProductiveMatureRaising Children Author:Frank Pittman
“If fathers who fear fathering and run away from it could only see how little fathering is enough. Mostly, the father just needs to be there.” IfsNeedsLittlesEnoughRunningFatherRunning AwayFathering Author:Frank Pittman
