“Our ability to fall in love requires enough comfort with our masculinity to join it with someone's femininity and feel enhanced. .. . If our mother made us feel secure and proud in our masculinity, then we want to find that again in our wife. If we are really comfortable with our mother, we can even marry a woman who is a friend rather than an adversary, and form a true partnership.” IfsWantFeelsMadeEnoughFormMotherFallAbilityWifeProudComfortComfortableFalling In LoveSecurePartnershipMasculinityFemininityAdversaries Author:Frank Pittman
“A real man doesn't have to run from his mother, and may even have to face the reality that no great deed is going to be great enough for him to ransom himself completely, and he may always be in his mother's debt. If he understands that . . . he won't have to feel guilty, and he won't have to please her completely. He can go ahead and be nice to her and let her be part of his life.” IfsMenFeelsMayRealEnoughRealityRunningFacesMotherNicePleaseDeedsDebtGuiltyBeing NiceReal MenRansom Author:Frank Pittman
“We become male automatically because of the Y chromosome and the little magic peanut, but if we are to become men we need the helpof other men--we need our fathers to model for us and then to anoint us, we need our buddies to share the coming-of-age rituals with us and to let us join the team of men, and we need myths of heroes to inspire us and to show us the way.” IfsMenWayNeedsLittlesShowsAgeFatherMagicTeamShareInspireHeroModelsMalesMythComing Of AgeRitualOur FatherBuddyPeanutsChromosomes Author:Frank Pittman
“Our father has an even more important function than modeling manhood for us. He is also the authority to let us relax the requirements of the masculine model: if our father accepts us, then that declares us masculine enough to join the company of men. We, in effect, have our diploma in masculinity and can go on to develop other skills.” IfsMenImportantEnoughFatherCompanyAcceptingEffectsGoes OnSkillsAuthorityModelsFunctionRelaxRequirementsManhoodMasculinityMasculineModelingOur FatherDiploma Author:Frank Pittman
“I'm not suggesting that all men are beautiful, vulnerable boys, but we all started out that way. What happened to us? How did we become monsters of feminist nightmares? The answer, of course, is that we underwent a careful and deliberate process of gender training, sometimes brutal, always dehumanizing, cutting away large chunks of ourselves. Little girls went through something similarly crippling. If the gender training was successful, we each ended up being half a person.” IfsMenWayLittlesPersonsSometimesBeautifulGirlCoursesProcessAnswersHalfBoysSuccessfulCuttingHappenedTrainingFeministCarefulGenderMonstersVulnerableNightmareBrutalDeliberateSuggestingChunks Author:Frank Pittman
“Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.” IfsWayMarriageSafePositive MarriageSubmarinesLasting MarriageMarriage And FamilyEncouraging Marriage Author:Frank Pittman
“Infidelity flows from a belief that women have the power to make you feel like a man if you only find a woman that thinks you're perfect; if you can only find a woman that you haven't hurt or disappointed yet.” IfsThinkingMenFeelsBeliefHurtPerfectMarriageHavensFlowDisappointedInfidelity Author:Frank Pittman
“No one, however powerful and successful, can function as an adult if his parents are not satisfied with him.” IfsParentPowerfulSuccessfulAdultsFunctionSatisfied Author:Frank Pittman
“If fathers who fear fathering and run away from it could only see how little fathering is enough. Mostly, the father just needs to be there.” IfsNeedsLittlesEnoughRunningFatherRunning AwayFathering Author:Frank Pittman
