“We never really are the adults we pretend to be. We wear the mask and perhaps the clothes and posture of grown-ups, but inside ourskin we are never as wise or as sure or as strong as we want to convince ourselves and others we are. We may fool all the rest of the people all of the time, but we never fool our parents. They can see behind the mask of adulthood. To her mommy and daddy, the empress never has on any clothes--and knows it.” PeopleKnowsWantMayStrongParentBehindsGrowing UpWiseFoolClothesAdultsConvinceMaskAdulthoodDaddyPostureEmpressesMommy And Daddy Author:Frank Pittman
“Some parents were awful back then and are awful still. The process of raising you didn't turn them into grown-ups. Parents who were clearly imperfect can be helpful to you. As you were trying to grow up despite their fumbling efforts, you had to develop skills and tolerances other kids missed out on. Some of the strongest people I know grew up taking care of inept, invalid, or psychotic parents--but they know the parents weren't normal, healthy, or whole.” PeopleKnowsTryingStillsWholeCareKidsTurnsGrowsProcessParentEffortGrowing UpGrewHealthySkillsNormalGrew UpToleranceDespiteAwfulHelpfulStrongestImperfectPsychotic Author:Frank Pittman
“To insult a friend implies that you respect his masculinity enough to know he can take it without acting like a crybaby. The swapping of insults, like the fighting between brothers, becomes the seal of the male bonding.” KnowsEnoughFightingActingBrotherMalesInsultMasculinitySealsBondingSwappingCrybabies Author:Frank Pittman
“However patriarchal the world, at home the child knows that his mother is the source of all power. The hand that rocks the cradlerules his world. . . . The son never forgets that he owes his life to his mother, not just the creation of it but the maintenance of it, and that he owes her a debt he cannot conceivably repay, but which she may call in at any time.” KnowsWorldMayChildrenHomeHandsMotherForgetRocksCreationSonSourceDebtNever ForgetMaintenance Author:Frank Pittman
“The mother must teach her son how to respect and follow the rules. She must teach him how to compete successfully with the other boys. And she must teach him how to find a woman to take care of him and finish the job she began of training him how to live in a family. But no matter how good a job a woman does in teaching a boy how to be a man, he knows that she is not the real thing, and so he tends to exaggerate the differences between men and women that she embodies.” KnowsMenDoeRealMatterCareJobsMotherDifferencesBoysTeachTeachingSonTrainingMen And WomenTake CareBe A ManReal ThingsDifferences Between Man And Woman Author:Frank Pittman
“All those tough guys who want to scare the world into seeing them as men . . . who don't know how to be a man with a woman, only abrute or a boy, who fill up the divorce courts; all those corporate raiders and rain-forest burners and war starters who want more in hopes that will make them feel better; . . . are suffering from Father Hunger. They go through their puberty rituals day after day for a lifetime, waiting for a father to anoint them and say "Attaboy," to treat them as good enough to be considered a man.” KnowsMenWorldWantFeelsWarEnoughGuySufferingFatherWaitingBoysKnow HowSeeingToughRainTreatsCourtLifetimeHungerDivorceForestsCorporateGood EnoughRitualScareFeel BetterFatherhoodBe A ManPubertyStartersTough GuyRaiders Author:Frank Pittman
“The great passion in a man's life may not be for women or men or wealth or toys or fame, or even for his children, but for his masculinity, and at any point in his life he may be tempted to throw over the things for which he regularly lays down his life for the sake of that masculinity. He may keep this passion secret from women, and he may even deny it to himself, but the other boys know it about themselves and the wiser ones know it about the rest of us as well.” KnowsMenWellsMayChildrenPassionWealthSecretBoysFameLaysSakeDenyToysWiserMasculinityTemptedGreat Passion Author:Frank Pittman
“At the heart of male bonding is this experience of boys in early puberty: they know they must break free from their mothers and the civilized world of women, but they are not ready yet for the world of men, so they are only at home with other boys, equally outcast, equally frightened, and equally involved in posturing what they believe to be manhood.” KnowsMenWorldBelieveHeartHomeMotherBoysBreakReadyInvolvedMalesCivilizedFrightenedManhoodNot ReadyOutcastBondingPuberty Author:Frank Pittman
“It's not that we have too much mother, but too little father. We can't forgive our mothers for taking the place of our fathers until we are ready to see that the point of a man's life is to be a father and a mentor, and we can't do that because we don't know how we would be a father or a mentor when we never had one.” KnowsMenLittlesWould BeLife IsMotherFatherKnow HowToo MuchReadyForgivingMentorOur FatherCan't Forgive Author:Frank Pittman
“For most people, a life lived alone, with passing strangers or passing lovers, is incoherent and ultimately unbearable. Someone must be there to know what we have done for those we love.” PeopleKnowsDoneMarriageLoversStrangerPassingPassingsUnbearableThose We Love Author:Frank Pittman
“A man doesn't have to have all the answers; children will teach him how to parent them, and in the process will teach him everything he needs to know about life.” KnowsMenNeedsChildrenProcessParentAnswersTeachParenthood Author:Frank Pittman
“We know how powerful our mother was when we were little, but is our wife that powerful to us now? Must we relive our great deed of escape from Mama with every other woman in our life?” KnowsLittlesMotherPowerfulKnow HowOur LivesWifeDeedsMama Author:Frank Pittman
