“Cultivate friendships. If you don't have time to cultivate all of them, plow under every fifth one and collect your bonus.” IfsFifthBonus Author:Gracie Allen
“As a well-known great man would have said if he had thought of it, "Don't go around offending people just because it can be done sitting down."” PeopleIfsMenWellsSaidDoneKnownSittingGreat MenWell KnownSitting DownOffending Author:Gracie Allen
“When you learn to make everybody happy, you will possess the golden secret of how to milk the contented voters. But do it in such a way that they won't think you want them to vote for you just because you need the money. They need the money, and besides, they can think up other reasons if they try.” IfsThinkingWayWantNeedsTryingReasonSecretVoteGoldenVotersMilk Author:Gracie Allen
“This country needs room to grow and expand. In all my own newspapers I read frightful tales of the shameful atrocities being perpetrated on our Democratic minorities in Maine and Vermont. My patience is almost at an end, and if provoked much further I will place both countries under American protection, even if I have to send in my tourists to start trouble so I'll have to send in a force to restore order.” IfsNeedsEndsCountryOrderForceGrowsMy OwnRoomsTroubleDemocraticProtectionNewspapersTalesMinoritiesTouristsShamefulAtrocitiesMaineProvokedVermont Author:Gracie Allen
“We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.” IfsCountryJobsResultsPayBasesCongressFavorsExtrasGood Job Author:Gracie Allen
“It's a game everybody plays. If you see a man with a beard and holler "Beaver!" it's five points. And if you see a man with a moustache, it's onlI three points.” IfsMenPlayThreeGamesFiveBeardMoustacheBeavers Author:Gracie Allen
“Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.” IfsWantNeedsWellsMayTodayForceWorkBrainEconomicPersonalityIntegrityProgramRadioCharm Author:Gracie Allen
“A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.” IfsShouldChildrenSaidEnoughFiveShould HaveDoctorsThirtyPregnancy Author:Gracie Allen
