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“37% of Americans don't have $400 dollars. That's 3.7 out of ten, and I am all four of them.”
“Who put hard work on the shelf next to jobs? That’s what ruined this country.”
“To me, moths are ugly butterflies. But these days, society probably considers them beauty queens.”
“I have a musical voice. My songs are best enjoyed in powdered ice-cream format.”
“Have you ever tried Zap Soup? There's just three ingredients: You, a pool, and lightning.”
“Twins are just two nearly identical drainage solutions. They are just a couple of septic systems.”
“The future is always on its way, but never here. That's why you never invite it for dinner.”
“I can make it rain, just by waiting. I'm like that all the time, some of the time.”
“It's not easy to be the best. But it helps if you're willing to buy your own trophies.”