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Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon Quotes

Television host

Jimmy Fallon, born in September 1974, is an American television host. He is widely recognized for hosting 'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon', a show known for its interactive and entertaining nature. Fallon is known for his humorous hosting style and engaging interactions with guests.

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Famous Jimmy Fallon Quotes

“Scott Walker's campaign slogan is 'Reform. Growth. Safety.' Which is actually similar to Donald Trump's new slogan: 'Mexico. Money. Crazy.'”

Growth Crazy Trump Safety Campaigns Reform Mexico Slogans Walkers

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump announced that he's running for president. During his speech he told the crowd that if elected he would be 'the greatest jobs president that God ever created.' Then God said, 'Hey, don't drag me into this publicity stunt.'”

Ifs Said Would Be Running Jobs President Trump Speech Crowds Hey Drag Publicity

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd definitely win? Oprah WITHOUT Donald Trump.”

Ifs Knows Running Winning Trump News Mates

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Trump is running for president and he's wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded to see Jeb Bush's birth certificate.”

Facts Running President Trump Birth Certificates Announcements Birth Certificate

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Rachel Dolezal stepped down from her position as president of an NAACP chapter after it was revealed that she was a white woman pretending to be black. Now her brother says he knew about it but she asked him not to blow her cover. Unfortunately, her cover had already been blown by God when he made her a blond-haired, blue-eyed white lady.”

Made Black President White Position Brother Blue Blow Pretending Chapters Blue Eyed Naacp

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.”

Ifs Thinking Men Stories Guy Dies Found Study Guitar Attractive Related Accordions

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias 'Barack Obama' while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They could tell something was up when a guy named Barack Obama was trying to take money from banks instead of giving it to them.”

Men Giving Trying Guy Police Stealing Barack Texas Arrested Aliases Atm

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids by joining social networking sites.”

Kids Found Social Parent Percent Site Networking Joining Surveys Social Networking Social Network Social Networking Sites Networking Sites

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Nissan is recalling almost 135,000 Infiniti G35s to address an airbag problem. When Toyota heard that, they said, 'Airbags! I knew we forgot something.'”

Said Problem Heard Addresses They Said Toyota Airbags

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A major Iowa newspaper published an op-ed against Trump calling him a 'self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard.' Or as Trump put it, 'You forgot very rich ... I'm a very rich, self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard. Very, very rich.'”

Self Rich Trump Calling Majors Newspapers Iowa Self Absorbed Unqualified Feckless Blowhards

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Ohio Governor John Kasich became the 16th Republican to announce that he is running for president. During his speech he referred to Jesus Christ, which is ironic because so did Americans when they heard another Republican was running for president.”

Running Jesus President Christ Heard Republican Speech Jesus Christ Ironic Governors Ohio

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump's not backing down. Yesterday he said he doesn't need to be lectured by the other Republican candidates, who he says have no business running for president. Not to be confused with Donald Trump, who ran for president and now has no business.”

Needs Said Running President Trump Republican Yesterday Ran Confused Candidates Backing Down

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In a speech in South Carolina, Donald Trump responded to criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out Graham's personal cellphone number. Graham knew something was up when he saw he had more than one missed call.”

Giving Numbers Saws Trump Speech Criticism South Senators Carolina South Carolina Cellphone

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Joe Biden was spotted with a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. I guess they collided when they both went after the same tennis ball.”

Faces Dog Balls Tennis Bruises Biden Tennis Balls

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced 'The Godfather' and said his nickname used to be 'Veto Corleone' because he vetoed so many bills in Florida. When you're the third person in your family to run for president, maybe you shouldn't bring up a movie trilogy where the third one was clearly the worst.”

Persons Said Running Used President Worst Thirds Bills Campaigns Used To Be Our Family Ads Florida Nicknames Veto Trilogies Third Person Corleone Campaign Ads

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, 'I like people that weren't captured.' Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over.”

People Said War Facts Trouble Trump Hero Lows Lays Captured Mccain Combs War Hero

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he said, 'And that's coming from ME!'”

Said President Race Trump

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new phone. Which explains Lindsey Graham's latest campaign slogan, 'New phone, who dis?'”

Said Numbers Pieces Trump Paper Phones Campaigns Slogans Cellphone

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would've responded but he was busy drafting his new 'mandatory Mexican gay weed' bill.”

Trying Years Use Law President Term Republican Gay Concerned Bills Finals Busy Congress Weed President Obama Mexican Controversial Drafting

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump's campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote, 'fired up the crazies.' Not to be confused with Trump's show 'Celebrity Apprentice,' where he just FIRED the crazies.”

Said Shows Trump Campaigns Confused Interviews Arizona Mccain Apprentice Fired Up

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump's campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That's like giving your money to a pile of money.”

Giving Important Trump Raises Raised Campaigns Quarters Donation Important Questions

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“MSNBC host Lawrence O'Donnell is saying Donald Trump lied when he said he made $20 million a year off his 'Apprentice' series on NBC. NBC also denied Trump's claim, saying, 'We don't have $20 million. We're NBC.'”

Years Made Said Millions Trump Claims Series Host Denied Lied Apprentice Nbc

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.”

Ifs Self Awareness New York Trump Tests Self Awareness Score Robots Researchers

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump's winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine.”

Kind Two Different Turns White Week Trump Wine Interviews Different Kinds Virginia Cnn White Wine

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We're all tied with presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.”

Support Percent Democratic Presidential Candidates Zero Voters Tied Polls Presidential Candidate

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Over on the Democratic side, Martin O'Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn't running for president to be quote, 'wined and dined' by executives. Then Chris Christie said, 'And I am also not running to be wined.'”

Needs Said Running Sides President Streets Wall Democratic Reform Spokes Executives Christie

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up with so many former congressmen.”

Firsts Said President Chance Sitting Prison Yesterday Former Reform President Obama Congressman Good Chance Prison Reform

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.”

Knows Long Shows Study Periods Research Sitting Standing Long Periods Of Time

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“There are reports that French President Francois Hollande had an affair with an actress who is 18 years younger than him. It's pretty serious. Under French law, he could face up to 30 high fives.”

Years Faces Law President Serious Affair Actresses Reports

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“This week, Georgia's board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word Evolution when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called Jesus Horses.”

Science Jesus Teacher Plans Week Teaching Evolution Horse Compromise Boards Biology Georgia Dinosaurs Approved Board Of Education

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and you never thought he would retire.”

Shows Seems Jobs Remember Tonight Retiring

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.”

Dream Jobs Grows Growing Up Dad My Dad Logical Ibm

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“When you were a kid, it [work in IBM] seemed like an awesome job. I'd get to go to work and have a briefcase. I loved how Dad wore a tie and got a car. I didn't know if all those things came together. I'd see my dad go off to work and we'd wait for him to come home, and we'd all be excited to see him.”

Ifs Knows Home Kids Together Jobs Waiting Car Dad My Dad Excited Ties Coming Home Ibm Wait For Him Briefcases

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.”

People Numbers Programmers Shorts Summertime

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Wearing shorts is a huge perk. I think it's probably one of the reasons people become mailmen. You also get to drive in that vehicle that should be illegal in the United States, where the steering wheel is on the other side. They have no rules! They are the punk rock of government jobs.”

People Thinking Should States Reason Government Jobs Sides United United States Rocks Huge Wheels Illegal Vehicle Punk Punk Rock Shorts Perks Steering Mailman Government Jobs

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“You've never had a job that you thought was secure. You don't think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you saw what happened with your buddy Conan O'Brien. There is always a Plan B.I am ready to apply to the post office.”

Thinking Shows Jobs Saws Plans Risk Happened Ready Office Secure Posts Tonight Buddy Post Office Plan B Conan Conan O Brien

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I remember people saying to us, "You're too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out." I never listened to them.”

People Remember Nice Hollywood Spit Too Nice

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself.”

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“It's something I worry about when I'm working out. I don't want to get too fit. Because I don't want the new DaVinci of this Millennium to say, "You. I have found my muse. I have to sculpt you."”

Want Found Worry Fit Work Out Muse Millennium

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I remember watching Soulja Boy on YouTube over and over again to prepare for it. For the first one, I was up all night in my kitchen, practicing the dance, because I knew I had to dance with Timberlake and that guy can dance.”

Firsts Remember Night Guy Boys Kitchen All Night Youtube That Guy Up All Night

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life.”

Two Whole Havens Whole Life

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy dog.”

Dog Really Great Very Happy My Dog Bark Great Dog

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.”

Needs Running Torture Treadmills Food Network

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.”

Writing Team Office Jokes Mirrors Staring

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I think you just look for the person you have the most fun with. And that's enough. You realize, "Wait, I can just keep having fun with her forever?" Yes, you can do that. That is the key.”

Thinking Looks Persons I Can Enough Fun Waiting Can Do Realizing Forever Keys Having Fun Yes You Can

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Success is.... happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra?”

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing.”

Feels Too Much Embarrassing Incense Patchouli

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.”

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it's just a way of being. It's about.... every little thing in moderation. Whether it be stress, anger, joy, depression.”

Thinking Way Littles Joy Keys Stress Factors Little Things Moderation Key To Happiness

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain.”

Thinking Mean Brain Overloaded

Author:Jimmy Fallon

About the Author

Born: September 19, 1974
Known for: Television host
Quotes: 398

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