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Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon Books

Television host

Jimmy Fallon, born in September 1974, is an American television host. He is widely recognized for hosting 'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon', a show known for its interactive and entertaining nature. Fallon is known for his humorous hosting style and engaging interactions with guests.

Thank You Notes

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I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guid...

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“Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it.”

Humor Funny Mittens The Finger

Book:Thank You Notes

Source: Thank You Notes

“I love Nashville. I've been here so many times... oh man, I would stay here for a year if I could. It's just so much fun.”

Ifs Men Years Fun If I Could Nashville

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!.”

Reading Lawyer Stealing Bargains Badges Pennsylvania Bumper Sticker Bumper Sticker Shoplifting

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.”

Way Funny Cities Saws Pride Gay Parks Parades Zoos Pigeons Gay Pride Peacock Central Park

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery.”

Ifs Done Funny Energy Justice Sun Minutes Building Gods Will Apples Farms Introducing Machinery Carolina Compatible North Carolina Solar Energy

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln by sending people to the theater.”

People Way Years Funny Next Honor Theater Release Next Year Abraham Good Way

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Halloween is tomorrow. A group of wine experts has actually come up with a list of the best wines to pair with Halloween candy. They say, "White wine goes great with Skittles, red wine goes great with Twix, and ... we're alcoholics, aren't we?”

White Groups Tomorrow Red Wine Come Up Lists Experts Pairs Halloween Candy Alcoholics Red Wine Best Wine White Wine Skittles Halloween Candy

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: "Sorry, just got your text!”

People Lying Found Study Yeah Sorry Texting People Lie

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new study found that most people can't go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.”

People Knows Believe Lying Found Study Minutes Nobody Knows

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.”

Ifs Ends Care Courses Found Study Team Students Taught Mathematics Take Care Math Score Abstinence

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you're married, it's actually located in your wife's brain.”

Ifs Used Decision Brain Marriage Wife Married Canada Researchers

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I read that yesterday, the Mexican peso hit its lowest point since March of 2009. In fact, things got so bad, it was seen leaving a bar with the American dollar.”

Facts Money Dollars Leaving Yesterday Bars March Lowest Mexican Lowest Point

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.”

Men World Years Age Week Bed Married Old Age Old Man Baths Old Woman Sponges Newlyweds

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Hurricane Irene ... the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers.”

Years Facts Havens Huge News Storm Weather Viewers Hurricanes

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Researchers in the U.K. have developed a vegetable called "super broccoli" designed to fight heart disease. Not to be outdone, researchers in America have developed a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo.”

Way Heart America Fighting Stuff Disease Vegetables Researchers Heart Disease Broccoli Oreos

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Today Google celebrated its 13th anniversary.... That's right, Google turned 13 years old. Which explains why today when I searched for something, Google was just like, "I don't know. Stop asking me questions! I'm going upstairs.”

Knows Years Today Asking Google Upstairs

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.”

Mean Mother Found Study One Thing Baby Mom Cat My Mom Diets Allergies

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower children's expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, it's weird when you ask Santa for a train set and he's like, 'Yeah, how 'bout a bus token?”

Children Asks Expectations Yeah Train Stores Department Bus Toys Santa Recessions Tokens Department Stores

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.”

Men Age He Man Creator Variety Buried Packs Passed Away Doritos

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be driven by aliens.”

Space New York International Driven Aliens Developing Stations Astronaut Taxi Nasa International Space Station

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The Department of Agriculture announced that it will ban six new strains of E. coli. Which explains why the hot dog vendor outside my building is now just selling napkins.”

Dog Building Six Hot Selling Department Agriculture Strain Bans Hot Dog Napkins Vendors

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.”

Looks Made Lasts Night President Sleep Air Yesterday President Obama Cheeks Florida Last Night Mattresses

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade.”

Years Tea Lemonade Iced Tea

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats.”

World Character White Cat Seven Snow Celebrate Getting Old Dwarfs Snow White 40th Birthday

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup.”

Order New York Empty Planning Cups Location Starbucks Restroom Empty Cup

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA put it, "Hope you like Amtrak!”

Boys Heard Baby Birth Germany Jihad Baby Boy Tsa Amtrak

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial.”

Men Trials Experts Pairs Expecting Stolen Arrested Underwear Thailand

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A man in Georgia was arrested for burglary after he left his Facebook account open on the victim's computer. But this is nice: He's only been in jail a few hours, and his status already says "In a Relationship!”

Men Left Hours Nice Computer Accounts Victim Jail Arrested Georgia Burglary

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'”

Said Shows Lasts Morning Dad My Dad Tonight

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama broke a world record after he reached a million followers on Twitter in just five hours. The only guys not following Obama? His Secret Service agents. They lost track months ago.”

World Guy Lost President Hours Secret Millions Records Five Months Track Following Agents Broke Followers President Obama Secret Service World Records Followers On Twitter

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say 'anyone but Donald Trump.'”

Knows Would Be Political Next Found President Trump Percent Voters Rude Polls

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'”

Said President Internet Accounts Welcome President Obama Mccain Grandpa

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act.”

Said President Comedy Students Materials Speech University Southern Weekend Commencement Methodists Commencement Speech

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“That's right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But it was still not the worst boxing match we've seen this month. This weekend Vladimir Putin played in an exhibition hockey game with some former NHL players and scored eight goals. Even Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney said, 'That looks fake.'”

Looks Said Stills Fighting Games Goal Player Worst Months Charity Eight Former Fake Boxing Hockey Weekend Romney Putin Nhl Exhibitions One Sided Boxing Matches

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“During a charity boxing match on Friday, Mitt Romney lasted two rounds against Evander Holyfield and raised a million dollars. It was just like Holyfield's fight with Mike Tyson, except Romney chewed off his other ear talking about his 18 grandchildren.”

Two Fighting Talking Millions Ears Dollars Charity Raised Rounds Boxing Grandchildren Friday Mike Romney Million Dollars Tyson Boxing Matches

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president.”

Firsts Long Reason Running President Long Time Celebrate Friday

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy's Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy's Country Ham House.”

Stills Country House Lost Left Fronts Events Speech South Teeth Presidential Candidates Restaurants Carolina Ham Presidential Candidate South Carolina Ben Carson Recent Events

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to 'life, liberty, and the purthuit of happineth.'”

Said Would Be Lost Liberty Teeth Entitled Ben Carson

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'”

People Thinking Wells May Running President Race Plans New York Former Knees Governors Definite Hampshire New Hampshire

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton's younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons' political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.”

Helping Political Sides Careers Brother Criticism Connections Vote Clinton Locked Jersey New Jersey Locked Up Younger Brother Sketchy

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“They're making a movie about Barack and Michelle Obama's first date, called 'Southside With You,' and the producers say they've already cast someone to play young Barack Obama. Now, I'm not saying the president has aged a lot but that young actor is Morgan Freeman.”

Firsts Play Young Actors President Casts Producers Barack Freeman Young Actors First Date

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.”

Said House White Secret Roles Models Garden Rose Agents White House Role Models Toms Secret Service Brady Rose Garden

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to 'be mindful of the way he serves as a role model.' And then President Obama stuffed out his cigarette and went golfing at noon on a weekday.”

Way House President White Roles Models Yesterday Gates White House Role Models President Obama Toms Cigarette Scandal Noon Golfing Weighing Brady Weekdays

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.”

Jobs Found President Hurt Issues Republican Trade Bills Democrat Yesterday Worried Presidential Candidates President Obama Senate Blocked Presidential Candidate

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.”

Knows Stories Seems Perfect Jokes Thanks Diets Reports Governors Stadiums Concessions Christie

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In celebration of Mother's Day yesterday, President Obama called three moms who had written him letters. Then kids who made their mom a macaroni necklace said, 'Thanks, Obama.'”

Made Said Kids Mother Three President Written Mom Letters Yesterday Thanks President Obama Celebration Mothers Day Necklaces Macaroni

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.”

Ifs Want Feels Believe Said I Can Guy Jokes Awful Stadiums Concessions Christie

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'”

People Want Firsts Said Next President Term Secret Promise Election Hey Former Slips Being Real Senators Picky Secret Service

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to 'Dude, ranches.'”

States House Yeah Texas Marijuana Approved Marijuana Legalization

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I just made that poll up.'”

Believe Made Said Honest Percent Clinton Polls Trustworthy

Author:Jimmy Fallon

About the Author

Born: September 19, 1974
Known for: Television host
Quotes: 398

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Thank You NotesRelated source material

I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to LifeRelated source material

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