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John Hodgman Quotes

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John Hodgman, born on June 3, 1971, is an American author known for his unique humor and satirical style. His works, including 'The Areas of My Expertise' and 'More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About the Internet', are celebrated for their wit and insightful commentary on internet culture. Hodgman has worked as a writer for the Comedy Central channel and has appeared as a guest on various television shows.

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Famous John Hodgman Quotes

“I am a marginally employed person who can escape with my school teacher wife to the waters of Maine for much of the summer.”

Persons School Water Teacher Wife Summer Employed Maine School Teachers

Author:John Hodgman

“I've only ever been mistaken for myself. People draw a lot of comparisons to all of the round-faced, mustached men of entertainment that make me cringe and sick to my stomach about how the world really sees me and they're right.”

People Men World Draws Sick Rounds Entertainment Comparison Stomach Mistaken Cringe

Author:John Hodgman

“The only time I've ever been mistaken for someone else is - and this arguable still - when a person came up to me on the boardwalk of Ocean City, New Jersey and said, "You look a lot like that guy from computer ads" and I said, "There is a reason because I am that guy," and the guy looked at me for a minute, laughed and said, "That's a funny joke, but you really do look like him." He thought I was not me.”

Looks Persons Said Stills Reason Guy Cities Minutes Ocean Computer Jokes Laughed Ads Mistaken Only Time Jersey That Guy New Jersey Funny Jokes Boardwalks

Author:John Hodgman

“I am not beautiful, so I don't know why I'm making myself ugly. But the mustache stays.”

Knows Beautiful Ugly Mustache

Author:John Hodgman

“I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I can figure out what makes a pretty good story, and I can make eggs really well.”

People Wells Mean I Can Stories Talking Figures Judging Skills Jokes Eggs Good Story

Author:John Hodgman

“I would definitely make eggs for the rest of my life if I could.”

Ifs If I Could Eggs Thighs Breastfeeding

Author:John Hodgman

“Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it's not that much fun.”

People Way Want Feels Looks Stills Fun Alcohol Bars Really Cool Bartender

Author:John Hodgman

“I don't really collect anything. I mean, if I see a piece of Moxie soda memorabilia, I'll probably buy it. I'm a sucker for regional soda brands and forgotten histories and that sort of thing.”

Ifs Mean Pieces Forgotten Brands Sucker Soda Memorabilia Moxie

Author:John Hodgman

“I would say aside from Moxie soda bottles and Masonic artifacts, there's nothing I really collect.”

Bottles Soda Artifacts Masonic Moxie

Author:John Hodgman

“What I collect? Interesting jobs. Always to my thrill and excitement, but ultimately to my exhaustion, I collect interesting jobs. If an interesting job comes along, I take it; that's why I do so many things. I'm lucky to be able to.”

Ifs Able Jobs Interesting Lucky Excitement Thrill Exhaustion

Author:John Hodgman

“By the way, if I have my own cult of personality with my own geodetic dome in western Massachusetts, I will have a hurt yurt for anyone who crosses me.”

Ifs Way Hurt My Own Personality Crosses Western Cult Massachusetts Domes Cult Of Personality

Author:John Hodgman

“Borges was unapologetically smart and equally sentimental; a proto-geek, blind to distinctions between low pulp fiction and high criticism, experimental but never arch, and always playful, with a humor as dry as dust.”

Fiction Smart Lows Criticism Blind Dust Dry Distinction Sentimental Geek Arches Pulp Borges

Author:John Hodgman

“A literary agent is nothing but a cheap salesman (or woman); while a writer is a cheap salesman (or woman) who also has to actually write the books.”

Writing Book Agents Salesman Literary Agents

Author:John Hodgman

“I believe that by releasing "passing interest/low keepsake-value literature" from the burden of physicality, you are actually releasing the words from their worst liability: the price and inconvenience of actual bookness.”

Believe Values Literature I Believe Interest Worst Lows Burden Passing Passings Inconvenience Liability Physicality Keepsakes

Author:John Hodgman

“I realized that even in a world of proliferating media venues, online and in print, and on TV and on countless cable channels, the idea that I could be considered an expert on chronic knee pain was I think troubling for society, but very exciting for me.”

Thinking World Ideas Pain Media Tvs Exciting I Realized Knees Experts Online Print Cables Venues

Author:John Hodgman

“My hope when I wrote the first book was that I would get to do it again. But it was not entirely clear that that would happen.”

Firsts Book Happens Clear

Author:John Hodgman

“By the time I was writing the second book, my life had changed rather dramatically, thanks to the intervention of television, and I needed to find a way to discuss that. Otherwise the big, fake book would not be true on some level.”

Way Writing Book Bigs Levels Changed Television Needed Being True Thanks Fake Intervention

Author:John Hodgman

“I think that by the time I start writing the third book, of course, I will be President Of The United States, and that also will have something to do with it. I'll probably have to acknowledge that somehow.”

Thinking Writing Book States Courses President United United States Thirds Acknowledge

Author:John Hodgman

“Anyone of conscience could come look at my book and see it as an esoteric oddity or be intrigued by it. It could happen either way on a thousand different little decisions each individual might make.”

Way Looks Littles Book Different Might Happens Individual Decision Thousand Conscience Intrigued Esoteric Oddities

Author:John Hodgman

“To want to become the President is, I think, such a bizarre ambition that it is automatically deranging.”

Thinking Want President Ambition Bizarre

Author:John Hodgman

“I am not an Internet superstar. I am, ironically perhaps, the most old media superstar of all time. My fame is due to broadcast television.”

Media Television Internet Fame Dues All Time Superstar

Author:John Hodgman

“I was always fascinated with the way that things pop on the Internet - the ways you build communities and create little stories and ideas that people play around with and send back to you.”

People Way Littles Ideas Play Stories Community Internet Pops Fascinated

Author:John Hodgman

“I am someone who values knowledge, actual knowledge. I also value stories and fiction a whole lot, and that's where the fake knowledge comes in.”

Whole Stories Values Fiction Fake

Author:John Hodgman

“I am someone who values truth - actual truth as opposed to "truthiness." I am also someone who has been trained in deconstruction in the literary theory department of Yale University, so I am someone who is tempted to believe that no absolute truth is possible.”

Believe Has Beens Values Theory Truth Is Absolutes University Department Tempted Absolute Truth Yale Deconstruction Literary Theory Yale University

Author:John Hodgman

“The very idea that there is no truth, but only the filter of narrative through which truth is invented is something I learned at the feet of the most leftist professors at Yale and am learning again from Sarah Palin during the Vice Presidential debate, and I find that very disorienting.”

Ideas Feet Truth Is Vices Debate Narrative Presidential Professors Vice President Filters Palin Yale Leftists Presidential Debate

Author:John Hodgman

“It was inevitable that in the proliferation of media and media channels and the natural debasing of authority that comes when you make an expert of someone who knows a few things and can be on television and you put the word "expert" underneath them, that is to say me, then eventually the very concept of expertise itself would become meaningless.”

Knows Natural Media Television Authority Concepts Inevitable Experts Meaningless Expertise Proliferation

Author:John Hodgman

“The reality is that there is an enormous value to gut-check instinctive decision-making in the world that is not hampered by reams and reams of research and complexity.”

World Reality Values Decision Research Enormous Checks Complexity Guts Decision Making

Author:John Hodgman

“We cannot wholly rely, as though it were Medieval times, [on the notion that] the only reality is what we see in front of us. There are germs. There are changes that are happening in our planet's ecology that are happening over such a long period of time that we cannot see the changes.”

Long Reality Fronts Planets Periods Happenings Notion Rely Ecology Our Planet Medieval Germs Long Periods Of Time Medieval Times

Author:John Hodgman

“Just because you see an iceberg does not mean that there isn't global warming.”

Mean Doe Global Warming Iceberg

Author:John Hodgman

“There is a need for expertise, for real expertise. I'm not doing much to help that cause, but I think we can find the healthy balance between intellectualism and anti-intellectualism. Jocks and nerds may come together, I believe it.”

Thinking Needs Believe May Real Helping Together I Believe Causes Balance Healthy Nerd Expertise Intellectualism Jocks

Author:John Hodgman

“Only the nerds will save the earth.”

Earth Nerd

Author:John Hodgman

“I suspect that when the truth ceases to be heartbreakingly funny, we will be in a better place and a happier society over all.”

Cease Suspects Better Place

Author:John Hodgman

“I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time.”

Thinking Truth Is Awful

Author:John Hodgman

“From a very selfish point of view, I'm enchanted by the idea that a politician can come along and speak simply and clearly and truthfully to an electorate as though they are grown-ups and to feel the electorate respond to that.”

Feels Ideas Speak Views Politician Point Of View Selfish Enchanted Electorate

Author:John Hodgman

“My candidacy is a compelling argument for my candidacy. I want to be President.”

Want President Argument Compelling Candidacy

Author:John Hodgman

“The reality is that if you want to be in a reality-based community, you've got to respect reality and that means calling it bad when you see the past ahead and it doesn't look good and acknowledging when it's going to work.”

Ifs Want Looks Mean Reality Past Community Calling Going To Work

Author:John Hodgman

“I'm an older, wall-eyed, overweight, tweedy writer who has been lucky enough to be asked to play various iterations of himself in a certain realm of popular cultutre. That gives me great joy and excitement, but I don't go to the media saying, "And I'm also the world's greatest actor."”

World Giving Has Beens Enough Play Joy Certain Actors Media Wall Lucky Give Me Various Excitement Realms Overweight Great Joy

Author:John Hodgman

“I know nothing about letting go.”

Knows Letting Go

Author:John Hodgman

“A lot of media that that I want to consume, I don't want to have to own forever and ever. It's not like real estate.”

Want Real Forever Media Estates

Author:John Hodgman

“First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.”

Firsts Wish Grows Beard

Author:John Hodgman

“My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.”

People Knows Talking Type Caring Not Caring

Author:John Hodgman

“The villain of any story is often the most compelling character.”

Character Stories Villain Compelling

Author:John Hodgman

“What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum! That's an amusing relic of our past.”

Past Museums Our Past Amusing Relics

Author:John Hodgman

“When you think about it, the end of the world is a little bit like death: We all know it's going to come eventually, and as we get older, we feel we see the signs more and more distinctly.”

Thinking Knows World Feels Littles Ends Bits Little Bit End Of The World

Author:John Hodgman

“It seems that every generation needs its public, tweedy, literary personality to sell its consumer electronics. To whatever degree I can live up to the Plimptonian legacy, I am humble and proud.”

Needs I Can Seems Generations Personality Proud Degrees Sells Humble Consumers Legacy Electronics

Author:John Hodgman

“One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.”

Knows I Can Can Do Lucky Jokes Come Up Lists

Author:John Hodgman

“A lot of my time is spent reading antique or out-of-print books of reference.”

Book Reading My Time Print Antiques Print Books

Author:John Hodgman

“All books should be trilogies; I mean I think we all agree on that.”

Thinking Should Mean Book Agree Trilogies

Author:John Hodgman

“All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports.”

Should I Can Asks Sports Please

Author:John Hodgman

“Any time you try to create an Internet meme, automatic fail. That's like the worst thing you can do.”

Trying Can Do Failing Worst Internet Worst Things Memes

Author:John Hodgman

About the Author

Born: June 3, 1971
Known for: Author
Quotes: 173

Books & Sources

The Areas of My ExpertiseRelated source material

Vacationland: True Stories from Painful BeachesRelated source material

More Information Than You RequireRelated source material

That is AllRelated source material

The Areas of My Expertise: An Almanac of Complete World Knowledge Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Useful OrderRelated source material

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